typhoid the last time i talked to you,
you didn't want to talk to me.
that hurt.
i didn't want to be hurt again, so i decided that when you wanted to talk to me, you would call.
you're my best, and right now, only friend. if we can't talk to each other ... i don't understand.
silentbob he said i was the one who he cared most about in the world. me and her were the two that made him feel the best. then those two hooked up. my work was finished. he stopped coming over. he got meaner when i did see him. she dumped him. i barely ever talk to him at all. 000714
kim we were friends once
then we kissed and everything
kind of went downhill after that
it was ok for a while
it was actually more than okay
but then everything just kept happening
and i kinda lost control of my emotions
and now i don't know where we stand.
i just want to be friends. i don't want
to complicate his life anymore than i
have to. i think i've made this the most miserable summer for him. and he cant even talk to me about it b/c i'm the one who did it. i feel so lost
what's going on?
nah....! he_listened 011122
lost i miss thy he is supposed to come home to visit this weekend i think so maybe i will get to hang out with him for a while. 011122
unhinged to the spotlight of egocentricity 011122
Casey He and I were getting to be good friends i think. She used me because she wanted to date him. It all got fucked up and now he doesn't talk to me anymore. 011123
ClairE The worst. I don't want that to happen.

Sinking ship.

Anthony once said "our friend-ship is in the hospital". He was joking.

It was from a conversation a very long time ago. I ran across it and sent it to him the other day. He wrote back, laughing, that that was "back_in_the_day". More so for him than for me.
florescent light ::spits:: 011128
Annie111 It's happening to me right now. And what's sad is that I don't even care that much. She can go get fucked, said me to the air. 011128
Mer we were getting along great.
for 16 years it seemed as if we were friends because it was convienient.
then we got along great.
and she trashed it all four days later.
sabbie .:pats pockets:. im sure i put it down around here somewhere... 011206
whoknows its what i miss the most 011206
unhinged for about the millionth time and maybe it's better_this_way 011207
ever dumbening as you get older they just pile up, on after the other. geography--both physical and emotional--plays a great part.

i think of thom and the 15 plus years we were friends. the conversations, the letters, the flarchsquidlery (how he would love that--this whole thing, in fact), the linguica spaghetti sauce. all the way from jr high through college and beyond. there goes my nostalgia_stomach again. ahh, yes, impermanence.

let go? try again later? hang on tight? hash it out? fuck it? fuck it.
Invisible Butterfly we were best friends for 4 years. then we got to high school and suddenly everything changed. it wasn't ur fault and it wasn't my fault. things just changed and we grew apart , i guess u could say it was bound to happen one of these days. u know i still love yah to death and u know i'm always hear for u , i just hope that sumday we'll grow back together agian bc seprate we aren't completely here , but together we make up a wonderful person. i'm still glad that u were part of my life sumhow. 020705
phil it has never hurt so much: to stay up past my bedtime. 020705
silentbob we were pretty good friends til i fell hard for you 020706
cheer-up-emo-kid someday maybe she'll come back to me
and I'll say "why dont you go fuck yourself?"
but everybodys talkin
they know that Im lying
she gave me everything
and all I want is more
ClairE blather_friends 020805
squint not so much lost as thrown away
and we are like
those styrofoam cups
that everyone hates.
cheer-up-emo-kid I'm glad I have people I call friends
if it was up to me I'd never have to miss you
ClairE Right now, story_of_my_life. It's strange to realize that you can undo what was there, like taking a white sheet of paper and crumpling it in your hands and hurling it in the wastebasket. I just hope I don't have to dig through the trash and try to smooth it out. 031010
reue amazing how things can change so quickly 031010
misstree sometimes they just slip behind the couch for a while. 031011
oldephebe sometimes in the aftermath you realize that the friendship as it was constituted worked well as long as both parties assumed their dominant /submissive roles..once the submissive tries to attain a parity of power in the relationship that's when you really find out the true mettle of that persons character and true feelings toward you..that the friendship was a sham..so count yourself lucky that you smelled the coffee when you did and asserted your being/personhood..hopefully the remaining friends you have are true..you're a little wiser..and hopefully you will be aware of the harmful power games you may play with your remaining submissive friends (if that is the case) and take enlightened steps to regard that person as an equal and put an end to all the machinations and mind-conjugals...'cause who wants to be a petty tyrant after all..well sure some of us really relish that role..it sustains a skewed sense of self-esteem and sense of entitlement..but for me..when I catch myself in one of those moments..I'm usually just really ashamed of myself..
nomatter friends for six years
inseperable for two
upset for months
the cold shoulder even longer
two weeks of the good old days
today i'm alone
skye not every change is for the better. 031107
oldephebe i guess i would answer that with

Maple Tree i hate losing them. i wonder if ours will be lost if i tell, if you would know. thinking hurts, when the thinking is about you. 060219
skye i don't think i'll ever be over it. sixth grade was a painful time to hurt me. and i loved you. and in seventh grade you told them you didn't love me. and i know it's because you changed in sixth. but i feel like the change was after the fact, because of me. and i still have a giant, gaping spider where my heart is. gone boogiepop style. 071029
unhinged fuck it indeed

im not going to pretend everything ended on a good note so you can feel good about yourself
unhinged i don't even know what the word 'friend' is supposed to mean anymore. all i know is my idea of a friend doesn't line up with the commodification of our social nature. 180615
what's it to you?
who go