lonliness eruth be who would i be without you? my closest companion. 000714 ... klarchen sitting here at my little job. bored like krazy. it is raining. good let it rain. fine then. have it your way. 000714 ... daz why i do feel so bad, so lonely, i miss her so much, the pain, like a violent storm in my head, in my heart, just wishing i could have faced up to my fear. the fear, which is worse, fear or lonliness, good v evil, are they both evil. maybe i will see her again, but fear, will strike it's ugly head again. then again, am i too old for lonliness not to be my future.... 001217 ... unhinged it feels like it should be 80 degrees outside and sticky and warm, the heat hanging like curtains from the sky. i feel the same way i did then...everything i do is the wrong thing...i want to disappear. if i disappeared it wouldn't matter what i said or did. there is just something about this place that i'm suppposed to call home...something about this heart that i'm supposed to call my own. it always sounds adolescent and bitchy and the more i visualize it the more i know that i should just shut up and bear it. it's not that hard to see....i've been sticking my foot in my mouth a lot lately. it all feels like high school again. crude, blunt, egotistical....lonely. it's such a comfortable feeling. i would be beside myself if i didn't feel this way. 001217 ... e lon(_)liness 010108 ... Zeroshin my madness amongst the silence, the darkness before my eyes, there isn't much to find, and yet not much to hide, feelings that blind me, the pain that awakens, a dulling of my soul, and voices mistaken... anybody there? 010118 ... florescant light My mouth is dry It longs in the anticipation of water And I am lonely- I tell myself I shouldn't be It's not socially correct to feel lonely. I convince everyone around me of my happiness; including myself. But when night comes and I am alone the thirst plagues me. And when I do have some water oh how it poisons. And suddenly tastes bland - quenching my thirst- I knock over the cup in frustration. And I revel in my new found freedome. Until my soul thirsts for more. Always wanting what I can't have. Happiness is unattainable. 010125 ... EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE LONELINESS, for fuck's sakes!!! 010125 ... dB I go to my nine to five gig everyday. I come home every day. I eat most days. Watch TV, have a smoke, listen to the kind of music that serves to aggravate the problem rather than assist. Apparently my imumune system is shutting down due to hack of sleep. That's caused by insomnia. That's caused by stress. That's caused by being alone. That's caused by substance abuse. That's caused by lonliness. Do you know what it is like to go for weeks without sleep? Can you imagine anything worse? What about lonliness? That is worse. I'm surrounded by people all day. Meetings, customers, co-workers, employees. Yet they don't register. They are not there. Just figments, figures, just sacks of carbon, compost. They do not equate. There is one person on this forsaken rock that I can actually converse with on a mutual level. My mentor. That is it. Everyone else is nil. Again the world turns. Look at the clock. It's time to roll. Gotta get up and perform the whole stinkin' show all over again. Never stopping. Slowly walking forward, silently, indefinately toward something that we all know, because all the worlds a stage. Sometimes the actors will have to go on more than once, because half the cast has either not showed up, or crashed out in the bathroom, with vile needles covered in the pestilence from previous owners sticking in their arms and feet. I oberve this. Impervious. These... people. These... friends. And once again the curtain comes down. The show moves on. Another day, in the same place. The same recycled cast. Same recycled story line. Same end. The last one out locks up, and prepares for tomorrow. And I wander in hopeless nichts. Knowing that tomorrow will be exactly as you want it to be. The same show. Never changes. You feel safe here. In monotoly. Whereas I... I see things differently; I see people differently. Sacks of carbon. On it's way to slow oblivion, totally unaware. And I'm still alone. 010211 ... kx21 Does it exist if you are Nothing? 010211 ... dB Yes. Nut only if you look at it the same way as you'd look a a singulaity. 010211 ... dB Man, I hate this tiny keyboard. You ask for an ergonomic keyboard and they give you a TINY, miniscule little multimedia keyboard. How can I touch type with this when it's so small that my hands smack together every time I return to the home keys? 010211 ... florescent light Did you ever consider the possibility it's not the keyboard that has the problem, but that your hands are just too big? 010212 ... dB well there is that too. I also have problems finding shoes big enough. The point is though, when I got this 'puter built, I said it had to have an ergonomic keyboard, and even included it in the budget. Anyway this is going way off-topic. 010213 ... florescent light well, I think you are being insensitive. Thinking only of your hands...how many more insults must your keyboard endure? The loneliness it is feeling must be intolerable..... 010213 ... fanta lonely in the crowd people around me all day I laugh try to smile hey, how are you great it all means nothing superficial people pass by are they interested in knowing me? doubt it too busy with their own lives sad alone smile sure, it's all fine right? 010224 ... firehunden lonliness="esc" key 010225 ... crissa i wouldn't be lonely if you would just stop playing games. 010424 ... akastones all thats left is a bottle of perfume in the closet..... the smell of it makes me cry. she never said goodbye. 010424 ... Pstr Clever Is it lonliness if you'd rather be seperate from the world around you. Not wanting to live a world of fantasy within your mind knowing you are going crazy but embracing the fact that reality no longer confines you 010424 ... Pstr Clever Is it lonliness if you'd rather be seperate from the world around you. wanting to live a world of fantasy within your mind knowing you are going crazy but embracing the fact that reality no longer confines you 010424 ... snow_angel tommorow still comes even though i wish it all would stop. i've never felt this way before and for awhile i thought things would change. now my life is rearranged and you tell me that you're feeling the same. tell me then,why did you lie if it hurts you too, why aren't you here with me? sometimes i feel that i couldn't handle you back but its such bullshit and i know it. i just wish it was the way it used to be. before you left me so angry and lonely. 010430 ... Dafremen I promised myself that I wouldn't blather under another misspelled word. Another promise broken...sigh. 010430 ... solo My room is dark and the air is stuffy. I'd open the windows but, I'd have to move. I am safe here. If I pretend that nobody is out there then maybe they will disappear. I tell myself that I am strong as the tears pour from my face causing me to ly in a puddle of my pain. All alone I call out and I wait but, nothing. Nobody hears me. Nobody reponds. Feelings of lonliness caused by feelings of being unloved. Whats wrong with me. I never saw such an ugly face in the mirror til now. I Stand there for hours at a person that I once though was attractive and now I find nothing attractive at all. Just a blury blob of reflection. Why did he leave. Why did they leave. I thought I did everything right. I tried so hard. I wanted to beg. Don't leave. Don't leave. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME. He left I wanted to call him. I wanted to ask him whats wrong with. Why am I unloveable but, I didn't I pray to god for help but, he never answers. Not even god loves me. What do you do when not even god hears your pain? What do I do. 011126 ... John My life once filled with so much joy, so much hope. Just as the oceans current it reached its peak and turned on itself. She was my everything and everything was what I new. Lonliness came knocking at my door like the scent of a dying rose. She was cold and my heart began to die. My legs became weak and my sole fell from the comforting clouds it once called home. Lonliness brought tears, she brought pain and dispair. Lonliness does not leave when you know it is there, it stays until you can't tell the difference. Lonliness laughs when you cry and consumes you'r every hopeful thought. Will my love return, will my soulmate find me and pull me from lonliness' arms. Find me my love, I await for the angel, I await for lonliness to fade as a petal in the wind. A flower that has been torn and withered by emotion and heartache. A symbol of something once so precious and now so forgotten. You, my star from above that follows me yet can never be, you are too far for me to reach. Lonliness leave my heart, please, leave me be.......... 020316 ... rachael Everywhere I turn i see his face, Im always falling into a daydream where we're meeting accidentally, on a crowded street or empty night..and I feel lonely when I think that he's not there or here, its wierd..in the busiest times of the day i feel lonely cause i miss him 020316 ... fire dancer oh look at how she listens she says nothing of what she thinks she just goes stumbling through her m e m o r i e s staring out onto grey street but she thinks, hey- how did i come to this? i dreamed myself a million times around the world but i can't get out of this place and she has loneliness inside her and she'd do anything to fill it in but all the colors mix together to grey a n d i t b r e a k s h e r h e a r t 020421 ... not me every journey starts with a lonliness, whether it is a shared lonliness or a solitary lonliness 020421 ... Mahayana i shouldnt be here i have only captured a few hours of sleep after a late late night session of staring at the screen for far too long, that now my eyes are puffy & awake, yet urging me for a return sleeping session i shouldnt be here but that voice of yours woke me up with a call i adore your calls every & all and now i am here and i shouldnt no i shouldnt eyes are puffy & awake i should be back in bed once you had to relinquish the phone over to some "old lady" i should be back in bed the conversation ended mid "toilet with no stall" story and now the lonliness has set it cuz your not here and im not there and i shouldnt be here yet here i am i should be back in bed i shouldnt be here 020421 ... spelling... it really bugs me when people spell loneliness wrong... 020504 ... Mahayana loneliness without the [e] is even more lonely [{lonliness}] :: doesnt even have the benefit of having an [e] around :: 020504 ... Casey I am never lonely. Mainly because lonliness will always be here to keep me company. 020504 ... not important New friends to replace the ones that left And fill the empty spaces of your soul But healing does not occur so easily They left a hole that cauterized your flesh Laugh to cover the pain you feel It sounds hollow because you are And you can't even fool yourself It only hurts you more now So try to smile instead The position aches your face And your eyes and your throat Twitch to give you warning Flip through your photo album See the familiar faces But regardless you see them Constantly in your mind Go back to your day Imagine you're not thinking of them Because they aren't thinking of you They are too good fo