unhinged you'll be just like him
almost down to a tee
the way you use me
we'll be such great friends
i'll patch you up
after a five-year shattered relationship
you'll expect me to smile
when you find another
pretend like you didn't see
the way i looked at you
god man
i don't think i can do this again
unhinged am i patient enough to hope our friendship will turn into something better down the road?

am i embittered enough to think it will end the way it always has in the past?

that i'll be the friend that means so much more to you while i ache for a deeper connection?

that i will have to leave you and you won't get why?

will you wake up one day and realize that you love me?

but almost surely
you'll choose another over me
expecting all the while
that i will always be the crutch
that holds you up

yes, what about the love i need?
unhinged i think both of us will be sticking to band rule no. 1 for awhile. ugh

but that track is so fucking hot...damn hot
unhinged i'm disconnected by your smile
disconnect a million miles

disconnected from my heart
cause my brain knows
the games you play
will only make me crazy
you're making me crazy

i'm through playing with boys
i want a girl that can make some noise
i'm sure you won't be able
to stop thinking about me baby
once i get my hands on you
unhinged being_perfectly_honest :

i can only love you
do what you will
unhinged i was convinced the_less_said_the_better
but i'm tired_of_living_on_lies with you
but i'm afraid
so afraid that it eeked a few tears from my eyes today
talking about it
trying to decide what to do
i'm afraid to lose you too
so many things said unretractable
i'm pissed at your lack of honesty
but i can't tell you the whole truth
i'm afraid
so afraid
afraid your reaction will be less than ideal
that you will say exactly what i don't want to hear
even while you give me that_look
which you could be so good at hiding
most of the time
and so afraid
already preparing myself for
the day that you'll walk_away
i'm too old for this shit
unhinged he laughs too much like sam ; the resemblance freaks me out

there are some things my practice has yet to retrain; this is a good example. if i was as good at letting_go as i should be, this whole thing wouldn't even be an issue.
unhinged i love him to a painful degree
what a test of my faith
to be happy in the face
of the hole he ripped in my heart
with his crooked smile
to be that close to him
and not be able to hold him
to not cling to either end
of this rollercoaster
to love someone that much
and just let that emotion be in your heart
no matter what you get in return
if they won't love you back
to be able to use the love you
have for them
for yourself
what a test
what a painful terrifying fucking test
unhinged good enough to make you look good
but not good enough to be the trophy
empty hands
always grasping
you make me ill
unhinged he does more than laugh like sam. i'm glad i escaped this one relatively unscathed. 070120
unhinged i haven't escaped it
just when i thought i could be done
he pulls me close
i could cut_and_run
pete live well unhinged, and run and cut if you must. 070131
unhinged you make a public announcment out of what i mean to you, how i inspired you to be better. you made a public announcement and i couldn't make a fuss. i was too intoxicated by other things to be angry. too little too late. a week too late.

you lost me anyways asshole
to something i can't even have
unhinged i'm sorry

i'm really sorry

all those times
i told myself
'he's just trying to get through
his own suffering;
any way i can help him do that
is good enough'
it should have been good enough
after last night
i can only begin to imagine
what that word
means to you
and i'm so sorry
that so many years of past conditioning
bubbled up inside of me

we aren't good for each other
that way
that perfect way
that i want so badly
so many years of past conditioning
i'm trying to break

i still would gladly be
the boat
the bridge
the ship
that carries you across the water

you have been a painful terrifying fucking test
and i would still do
anything to make you happy
stork daddy keep a little happiness for yourself too. 070403
unhinged oh but you know that's next to impossible for me; especially when the happiness i want to keep is so far away. 070403
fix you could always try Buddhism...
if all else fails..?

i think that is... maybe what i will do.
not as escapism...
Buddhism ... a true Buddhist has no attachment to anything.. just to love everything and everyone...
unhinged yeah
that attachment thing
it's hard
. mmmm....
nevermind hay.
unhinged i got to meet the girlfriend tonight

that's always fun
unhinged so angry
at the fact that
i let you make me feel as bad
as you did the other night

i'm supposed to be the comforting smell from your childhood
in times of trouble
when the only time i ever thought i needed you
i immediately stopped myself
from dialing the phone
knowing you couldn't be bothered to listen
you couldn't be bothered to come hold me for a bit
i would never trust myself to cry
in front of you

when my heart broke
i immediately thought of you
and then how
i wouldn't dare ask you
for help
wouldn't want to inconvience you
unhinged you're just like him

i remember the day i met his girlfriend
unhinged ME, I'M NOT
and it's happening
never planned on this
you got something i need
kind of dangerous
and i'm losing control
i'm not used to this
what you want from me?
i'm not used to this
can't seem to shut it off
this thing i've begun
and it's hard to tell - just
where it's coming from
and it's hard to see
what i'm capable of
and it's hard to believe - just
what i've become

can we stop?
me, i'm not

i can swallow it down
keep it all inside
i define myself
by how well i hide
feel it coming apart
well at least i tried
i can win this war
by knowing not to fight
if i take it all back
some way somehow
if i knew back then
what i know right now

can we stop?
me, i'm not
--- nin

sad part is
i did know then
what i know right now
and i let it happen anyway
caught me at a time
when i thought

it's better to be used
than be alone

and then i'll climb in my hole
be alone for a year
and crawl back out
when i'm ready for some more abuse
and i can beat myself down
for predicting it now

a social animal with asocial tendencies
i'm going to go sit in the corner now
to the bone my mummy make rude cakes !

you should see them !

i can' wait to give her a party.
unhinged 'i've had more wordless_conversations (sic) with you than i've had with anyone in my whole life'

'no matter how much you tell me to fuck_off it won't change how i've always felt about you'

nice try asshole
i don't believe anything you say anymore
your words mean nothing to me

but it's easy for you
to ignore my anger
isn't it?
jack spacington havent seen each other for months on end. 070505
unhinged not in_love with you anymore
but the memory of it still hurts me sometimes

that you walked away from me
for that
for months on end

but yes
part of me will always love you
unhinged funny how when i feel hopeless for him my heart comes back to you. when i looked in your sad eyes today, i realized i still love you.

grey with brown
today your eyes were
place i still can't be an asshole, even if i wanted to. (which i don't.) 080804
unhinged transitive

and when i'm with him, all i think of is you.
unhinged moments_of_intersection

you said you were going to quit, and sadly there was a feeling of relief in my heart. that if i didn't have to see you, i could let_go . but of course when you thought about it rationally, you couldn't quit. so you are cutting back to parttime in april. with my luck, you will work your three days a week, three of my days a week. and your parttime will still be fulltime to me and i will have no relief. as long as i see you, there is no letting_go .

the hard ball we've made in my heart aches for letting_go ; because you don't get it and i'm too afraid to explain it to you. because i seem to mean nothing. that even though you know what happened to me last summer, you still managed to use me in a similar manner and pretend like it didn't matter. i'm thankful for the line you drew, but nakedness with people i care about changes things for me. and you said nothing, acted like nothing happened. so when someone else was interested in me, which is a rare occurrence, i ran. even though i didn't care about him, i ran. because he openly told me how he felt. there was no guessing. there was no pit in my stomach (at first). there were no wordless_conversations . there was no heart flopping. there was no creative connection. he was everything you aren't. considerate, sweet, stable. boring. i knew it would hurt you. that's why i did it; ran. because i knew, that even if i could somehow magically grow the balls to ask you what it meant, what happened between us, you would still tell me what i didn't want to hear. that we were drunk. that it was just because we were drunk.

so i ran. and now i feel like fleeing every time i see you. and just hanging with you makes me angry. everything you say to me now makes me angry. 'us' 'we' 'our' makes me angry.
unhinged wow
definitely ready to let that one go

if you have to ask me if i was lying, you don't know me at all.
unhinged let_you_go
i did

i do
what's it to you?
who go