its_all_just_a_game
Freak So I know my manager likes me. Hes a lot older than me but I intrigue him in a way that no one else does. He finds me interesting. I can read his mind and it scares him. Therefore I have power. He would never act on it but its to the point where he stumbles over his words when he's around me and gets nervous. He randomly came up to me and told me that he doesn't think we should talk for a while. Like he needs to try to forget about me or something. Its weird because I would never do anything it would be way to weird and gross. And I never said anything to make him think I would. Its just his own mind wandering or fantasizing or whatever. But the thing is the situation is entertaining to me. I love the fact that I can fuck with him like that. I wouldn't feel that way if it was someone around my age. I guess its because hes the one that is supposed to be the adult in this situation so I don't feel bad for saying things that might get to him.

...I work in a theatre and many of the people there are my own personal puppets...

.
051112
...
sirflaccid There's a lady... wait... a woman at work. She's just a few years older than I. She has three kids and a husband. I've always had this uncomfortable feeling around her. You know, the stands entirely too close and has a tendency to invade your personal space. It always felt as if she was gauging my reaction.

Lately, there has been a lot of conversation about my going back to school. She joins in with a, "I wish I could go back and finish my nursing degree." (Yeah, another nursing student gone awry.) I was talking to her about how I plan to finance myself while working part-time jobs and finishing my education. The plan of action was/is to start a design and consulting gig for residential construction. I already have one client on board.

Considering we are employed at a liquor store, drinking on the job isnít uncommon. Letís just say she got a little too loose and made a slight proposition.

Apparently, she has quite a few connections, considering her cousin is the mayor. I was told that she would hook-up a few contacts for the budding business if (and by the tone this was a big IF) I were a little more friendly.

I donít know about you but the whole thing makes my skin crawl. At the same time, however, it is the most interesting and flattering thing I have experienced in quite some time.
051112
...
Freak So I talked to this manager of mine again and he said something I found funny. Well, first of all he was talking about how he felt guilty because he was married and all even though nothing has happened. But then he was telling a story about how he dating one on his student teachers when he was 16 and she was 26 and a bunch of stuff went on between them but then she broke it because it made things akward or whatever. He said that when everything was going the girl really liked him but he didn't really care for her. He just liked the power. Thats how he phrased it...the power. I started laughing out loud considering I had just wrote that on here before I went to work that day and say him. Then he just looked at me after I was done laughing and he said "just be nice to me ok" He acknowledged that I had the power in this situation and he had guilty feelings which only proved that the situation exist and isnt something i had imagined or exaggerated.

.
051113
...
Freak wow, lots of typo's in that one 051113
...
rage the only choice is to play or lose 051113
...
Freak do i know what I will be getting myself in to?! ...I think I do. I want to talk to someone about this yet at the same time I know the advice they give is something that I probably wont listen to.

Its for the thrill of the game. I don't want to give it up.
051124
...
mos the politics of power are debatable.
however, consider that karma is a fact
in all beings alike. take your manager for example.
051124
...
rage break_free 051129
...
Freak I look back at this and am disgusted with myself and my actions. My lack of responsibility. I was a kid but I was old enough to know better and not be such a selfish bitch.

Maybe my life now is the karma.
160927
...
Soma dungeons_and_dragons 160928
...
flowerock. Searching for jobs, going to interviews, making and spending money... it's playing_dress_up and acting, it's strategic conversation and timing, it's all for show. I feel so insecure and stupid interviewing, once I am hired though, I feel and function pretty well because I know I've been accepted and am being depended on by others, so I kind of have to do well... I could say the same of an interview, I've been accepted as a possibility and myself and my partner are depending on me to have a job, but it somehow doesn't settle in me to be calmed and empowered by that logic.

just_a_game


Try_to_have_fun

But it's not_always that_easy.
160930
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from