daxle my dad dying 001218
Sintina My life began...
My father died too.
The soilders at the funeral acted so concerned. Here was his little daughter all alone. But they didn't know how happy I was. I couldn't tell any of them. I couldn't laugh at the preacher as he delivered the speech, praising my father. I couldn't cry either. I couldn't cry because I didn't love him. Not anymore. At one time I did, and I had already cried for that lost time that I would never get the opprotunity to rekindle. But at the time of the funeral I had no tears for the man. His ashes were a burden lifted off of my life, how glorious it would have been to grab the urn, open it and send the dust flying off to space, never to be near me again. They gave me the flag.
They folded it and unfolded it several times before giving it to me.
My mother didn't cry either.
They put roses in his niche. I put a rose in too. I watched my rose as the others were laid upon it. I stared at the little pedels and how the sun hit the leaves. And then the door was closed.
unhinged you

leaving me without a word

and now everyday part of me cries. i've wanted to pick up my blade several times today especially right now. he can always ask me for advice but he never notices how filled with love it is.

oh well.
alex311swim It began with a the seat of his ended with no disaster in my life and with all things around me that I stopped caring that because he never cared too...he used me now it had come to the end 010204
birdmad with an empathy borne of weakness loneliness and weariness

when they were gone

it ended with cold detachment
kx21 a Big BANG...

What will it end with?
.sunshine. him.

breakingmy heart.
and now here i am
haven't thought about him in a year.

drinking and gagging.

it began with him.
monadh this moment 010506
god this pencil, this pear, this snow globe 010506
chanaka one word 010507
nocturnal touch 010507
grendel the same uncertainty that it_ended_with 010507
. love 010630
daxle a chat room 020120
searching a smile, a touch, a dance
i was lost after that
there was no turning back
gwyllynne laughter in the night

Mahayana [soul's love in my hands] 020121
Mahayana [mysteries of the past] 020314
Mahayana [{anger at wrong doings}] 020318
blown cherry a doubt.
an absent phone call.
a late night.
lots of late nights.
lots of late mornings.
being taken for granted.
losing respect for yourself.
losing respect for me.
losing respect for whatever we had left.
falling out of love.

a stranger.
a smile.
a look.
lots of looks.
"you really make me wish I was single"
and a "what's the point in saying that since you're not" instead of a rejection.
a pub crawl.
a video of 3 Kings at 3am.
wiping my nose.
a kiss.
the taste of blood.
falling in love.

Mahayana [thoughts that shed never talk to the likes of me] 020322
Syrope -the AG test in 3rd grade
-a shared snicker at the cheerleaders in latin
-an automatic "add user" on my ICQ list
-a prank email that i just had to question him about
Mahayana winter 020611
Mahayana [a hug] 020629
little fury bug{shifting eyes, sweaty palms, nervous giggle}
misstree i wandered through the party, tasting auras, watching the delicate dance of lifey death. eric looked like a rock star, spiked hair and white button down. he was holding a blend full of blue stuff in front of him, oblivious to her posturings. she leaned in, hands on hips, one finger occasionally stirring to play with a ringlet of long, red hair. she couldn't close the predator's gap because of the blender. he was mine, my beautiful boy, and he was oblivious to her wiles. i smiled, let her try, and moved on. 020630
jane savannah and i jumping in his car
him putting his arm around me
my first time

different phases of our relationship have begun different ways, all about a year apart
margaux shotgun
wish~ an idle message on ICQ, and we've never looked back since. 021114
ClairE Blather. Of_course. 030511
megan my brother
oddly enough
he does have good taste in friends, but i never knew how good
until 1st grade came along, and so did puffycloud
playing endless war games and legos
and other mindless banter that young boys invent
and i was off playing barbies with the future homecoming queens and sports stars
and we didn't know each other until
it became crystal clear at the age of adolescence
that while in spanish class
i could not live without him
behind me
whispering into my ear
and writing me little notes online.
and it blossomed, and kept growing
and it turned into a dance,
and a tear
and a question
and an answer.
it continued with many doubts
and many more dances
and standing on your feet
and rubbing backs
and finally
and forevers
and wants in the middle of the night
and sweet dreams
and love yous.
i'll never forget what it began with
nor why
nor how.
and i know it will continue,
just like it always has.
/anon my death.
i know its a crappy metaphor but my young life died so quickly that I was shocked for long after. I was not carefree anymore. that night was when so many anxietys that kill me now had crashed down onto my arms.

thus the end of my joyus childhood and the begining of my miserable adolesence. ah no one cares I dont care I am no good at anything I just use this site to blurt out whatever cause im bored and so I can not dwell but I do anyway ah I am so selfishly sick and self absorbed!
Mahayana [a need to meditate] 030910
shivers 11:11
and a bonfire
counterentity a paper bag 030914
what's it to you?
who go