|
andru235
|
i'll go first.
YOU: So, Andru235, tell me about yourself.
ME: Mmmm, I don't really feel like telling you right now.
YOU: Well why not?
ME: ...It's a secret.
YOU: What kind of secret?
ME: Seriously, stop prying.
YOU: No need to get testy!
ME: No need to get defensive!
YOU: I wasn't getting defensive. I was merely trying to intimidate you into revealing your secret.
ME: Didn't work, did it.
YOU: No, apparently not.
ME: Hmph. Leave me alone.
YOU: I'm not gonna!
ME: Oh, alright. Bother me.
YOU: That's not my intention either. I'd like to ask you a few questions.
ME: ...Such as...?
YOU: Well, for starters, are you happy?
ME: What kind of bullshit question is that?
YOU: I'll take that as a 'no', Mr. Pottymouth.
ME: Well I'm not *miserable*.
YOU: No? Sure seems like it.
ME: But then, things aren't always as they seem, are they. Here, take this garment.
YOU: No, I really don't want it, thanks.
ME: I meant, for instance. Here, take this garment for instance.
YOU: What about the garment?
ME: Oh, nothing.
YOU: Andru235, you really are confounding aren't you.
ME: Is that a question?
YOU: No, it's more of a statement.
ME: Oh really.
YOU: In fact, I think it is an absolute truth that you are a confounding person.
ME: Nice interview skills. Anyway, there are no absolute truths.
YOU: You say that over and over like it *is* an absolute truth that there are no absolute truths.
ME: Very well, there are lots of absolute truths which are known liars.
YOU: What about gravity?
ME: Are you interviewing me about gravity?
YOU: No, but we were chatting candidly -
ME: YOU were chatting. I'm insolent and withdrawn. Leave me alone.
YOU: Sounds like you can't deny that gravity is an absolute truth.
ME: Sure I can.
YOU: Oh yeah?
ME: "Gravity isn't an absolute truth." There. I denied it.
YOU: Well, I mean, argue against it.
ME: Gravity has no effect on 'nothing'. Emptiness is not affected by gravity.
YOU: Not so! Gravity could cause an object to drift across that patch of nothing!
ME: Sure, but that wouldn't have any effect upon the nothing.
YOU: But nothing would have an effect upon nothing.
ME: I never said it would.
YOU: Well, then gravity is an absolute truth in regards to matter.
ME: Oh, I get it. OK. I guess anything is an absolute truth in regards to something or other.
YOU: Not "salsa".
ME: ...Salsa.
YOU: Salsa is not an absolute truth in regards to anything.
ME: This conversation is so dumb that I could cr-
YOU: CRY? You were gonna say cry, weren't you.
ME: No, I was gonna say, "cringe".
YOU: Andru235 you are probably the most boring person I have ever interviewed.
ME: Do I win a prize?
YOU: No.
ME: Hmph.
YOU: Do you like pizza?
ME: Uh...sometimes, yes...
YOU: What is your favorite band?
ME: I am not really a fan of simple, ungrooved rings.
YOU: What does that have to do with anything?
ME: You asked about my favorite band.
YOU: Oh. Ah. You thought I meant, like, "wedding band".
ME: Didn't you?
YOU: No, I meant "musical group."
ME: Then why didn't you say "musical group?"
YOU: Because I thought you'd know what I meant when I said "band".
ME: Well, I did. I just thought what I knew you meant was different than what you thought I knew you meant.
YOU: I...I can't do this any more, Andru235. You really are quite taxing.
ME: TAXING?!? I hate financial systems. I certainly am *not* "taxing".
YOU: What I meant is that you are an energy drain.
ME: WHAT?!? I'm a Uranium-life-form masquerading as a carbon-based-thing because YOU PEOPLE KEEP BLOWING US UP FOR YOUR TRIVIAL ENERGY NEEDS!
YOU: Ooof, sounds like someone has a bug up his butt.
ME: Well, you wanted to know my secret. There it is.
YOU: That's a lame secret. I was hoping for something scandalous, like, you were sleeping with your neighbor's estranged spouse who you were planning on blackmailing into setting you up with your neighbor.
ME: You consider something that petty to be scandalous? Your little 'civilization' is going about, destroying microcosmic worlds, just to keep vacant properties along untraversed roads illuminated!!!
YOU: Apparently our definition of "scandal" differs, *snicker snicker*.
ME: *sigh*
YOU: So, do you have any siblings?
ME: Why thank you for asking. I have an older brother named ZruPu239, and a -
YOU: HA HA HA HA HA HA, you are surely joking.
ME: You aren't serious about anything, are you.
YOU: Wrong! As an interviewer, I am seriously interested in scandals...
ME: No, you aren't. You are interested in facetious airs which evoke an artifice of power derived from trivial interpersonal treacheries.
YOU: Oh, I'm...
ME: That's fine; I just say, let's call a duck a duck.
YOU: Well you are a megalomaniac.
ME: Oh.
YOU: You really are, Andru235.
ME: That's nice. Does it please you?
YOU: You don't care what I think, you megalomaniac.
ME: Do you find megalomania to be scandalous?
YOU: Well, I guess, why not.
ME: And do you find the behaviours of schizophrenics to be scandalous?
YOU: *gasp* How dare you pick on them?
ME: How dare I, an unstable, radioactive and highly fissionable material, make reference to unstable and highly fissionable humans? Is that what you are asking.
ME: Hah! I'm taking to dialogues in a row!
YOU: Enough. I cannot bear to chat with you. Goodbye.
ME: But, wait! The interview was just starting to get interesting.
ME: I guess I'm not interesting enough for people...
ME: Maybe I should do something petty, like...cheat on someone. Unfortunately, I'd have to be in a relationship to do that. And I just don't think I would have the heart...or I'd have too much heart...or...
YOU: Did I hear you say "cheat on someone?"
ME: Oh, great. YOU'RE back.
YOU: I sense scandal.
ME: It's everywhere. Are you sure you know what you are looking for?
YOU: Yes, I have a sixth sense for scandal.
ME: Oh. How useful that must be.
YOU: It is.
ME: You know what, I'm going to go and make some ramen noodles. Goodbye.
YOU: Oh, goodbye. *Or more like good riddance*.
ME: I heard that, but I don't care.
YOU: Heh...I...I was joking, of course.
ME: Ta for now.
YOU: Yes, ta.
ME: Later.
YOU: Mm hmm.
ME: See ya.
YOU: Adieu.
...
ME: Until next time.
YOU: Yeah.
...
ME: I love you.
YOU: Oh, shut UP.
ME: Parting is such annoying sorrow.
YOU: Annoying, yes. Sorrow, that's debatable.
ME: By the way, you are wonder.
YOU: You stole that from Kx21.
ME: Oh, Kx21 owns your wonder?
YOU: Well, Kx21's the one that says it.
ME: Oh. So I can't mention how wonder you are.
YOU: Not if you aren't going to give Kx21 due credit.
ME: That's a pity.
YOU: No, it's intellectual property rights. Why, civilization would fall right apart if we didn't take credit for every single f%@#%ing aspect of everything.
ME: Maybe you'd better let 'civilization' fall apart.
YOU: Oh, no! We'd be miserable.
ME: Not necessarily. A survey at the University of Illinois found that the world's most "civilized", "technologically endowed" persons, the rich, are not demonstrably happier than Masai herdsmen. Anyway, I'd best be going now. Ta ta.
YOU: Hmph.
ME: Oh, by the way, if you are looking for scandal, look at the energy bill signed within 100 miles of the place the first atomic bomb was detonated during the two days between the 60th anniversaries of the first atomic 'bombings'. Now *that* is scandalous.
YOU: You need to learn about Wisteria_Lane, you big dork.
ME: Adieu(x).
YOU: Guten nacht.
ME: Cha cha.
YOU: *fling!*
ME: Was... that a booger?
YOU: *blush*
|
051021
|
