inside_love
werewolf everyone wants to be inside it. all of the other pleasures, pursuits, all seem currency to be traded for it. it seemed final, the big stuffed animal you keep trading in your lesser prizes and throwing balls through a fixed hoop at the carnival for. and he was no different. he was a good boyfriend at some level. if appearances were enough for a person, if words and actions and occasionally thoughts were enough. he did all the things an ideal lover would, was patient, sensitive, giving, forgiving. but it was almost to compensate, because it was all at some level felt so dispassionate. he knew that some of those boys who didn't "show" their "love" as much as he did, actually had the thing to be shown in droves, and not just the facsimile. and yet, this girl seemed more aware than others had. she seemed uninterested in anything but the truth. 040415
...
Syrope i miss how everything about you was different
and how you automatically loved anything associated with me, just because i deemed it worthy of my time.

at the same time, i want someone now who i don't have to learn about. i long for familiarity. i'm afraid to let you know me so well, because i'm afraid you might not like what you see, and so i am stuck here, empty & yearning...inside_love instead of simply in it. with you.
040416
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brain stew what can i miss...we didn't have the meaningful song, any flowers...no anniversary dinners or special rings..no kisses, hardly a hug..no wonder everyone told you you didn't have anything to end. and how could i have put myself into words that you could hear when i didn't have the words to explain it to myself?
inside love- if this iswas love- there were pieces of me noone else has ever seen...not even me.
040417
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from