Lemon_Soda Somethings not right I feel off right now something is happening that I can't seem to identify or stop I'm scared of it my heart is racing and I'm worried I might die I need to move or run or something but I'm stuck in a class and I'm not foolish or brave enough to leave because I don't have a rationale answer as to why the barriers that have been set into place by other peoples expectations is holding me as fast and surely as a prison made out of concrete I can't out I need out my mind wants to shutdown or go insane or do something so I don't have to feel this way whatever way this is I feel so helpless I want to cry but my body won't listen to my mind the realities of the people around me make me mad why why why I don't know what to say even though I can't even speak out loud because it doesn't have any pertinance to the lesson they don't care or they don't know no difference in my mind or my heart where's telepathy or esp or whatever so I can describe things without using words because words never seem to be enough what is this feeling I'm so scared of I can't help it I'm a failure but what did I fail I'm confused and worried never could put my finger on what's wrong or who's wrong or when's wrong or what the hell is going on i need to run as far as I can until I can't run any furtherand lay down out of breath and have to think all of this anymore i can't escape my own mind am I ungrateful a pessimist can't I feel good without a distraction what's wrong with me if I don't know what love is how can I ever hope that anyone else does love me what is love but a word that everyone has a different definition of when I say bird I think of a robin but someone else might think of an eagle or sparrow we're crazy there is no order we're just trying to play by the rules so we can pretend we know what's coming but nothing ever happens the way we think it will save me I'm going insane I'm selfish think of other people repeats itself in my mind and the stuborn part of me makes me do things I choose to do for my own sake does that make me a bad person or is bd and good subjective who do I turn too that I knowisn't off their rocker nobody because noone else's thoughts are mine to know even when they tell me their unadulterated opinion its still filtered on an emotional level by english itself I wish i were an empath or no I don't the hurting is so bad do i really need to add everyone else's to it even alone I have to listen to my own mind talk at me and I am cruel and second guessing with no confidence whatsoever good God are you there I don't know and I need stability a hobby a commitment to get rid of all my fear it stands in the wayand makes me a loser will i ever believe in anything or stand for everything or not please help its all so much I have to get out I'm confined so tight like a claustrophobe I"m stuck in my head I can't get out I won't wake up I won't do it please don't touch me I'm sinned scarred horrible nasty evil bad guy but people act like I'm the good guy but I'm no saint I know what hurts but its not that bad at the time but it keeps mounting higher and higher and getting worse Help someone anyone make it worth while I can't stop I won't stop not by choice its a need to be manic outside of my control who do i blame or can i blame anyone even myself when I'm not sure whats even wrong distractions to many lights and people and stuff and flying opinions won't people shut up I don't care but I hurt because I don't I'm questioning my own moralityand its all so stupid and frustrating and fucked up I don't know what to think and even if I did I couldn't commit to anything why am I a genius or why am I stupid I never seem to have what I need when i want it only enough to keep going oh god its everyone telling me its not that bad when they know damn well they don't know what its like to be when, so what they say is bullshit but i need them to say it so bad for some reason someone help me i'm about to start bawling for no logical reason in the middle of my logic class. 030917
. . 031124
notme . 031124
june i just have problems

where is that other joe blow
Syrope soda, you just made me cry time#4 today. would it help if i were there, beside you, feeling the same way? we could cry together and then people would be too weirded-out to stare. 040125
Lemon_Soda yes, it would. 040219
. . 051027
what's it to you?
who go