impress_dafremen Dafremen Successful entries will be judged by me and OPTIONALLY by unhinged who is just as unlikely to be impressed by anything remotely blase'. One blather sheep to each successful entrant. Sheep are assigned on a first come first serve basis. No substitutions will be made, offer while supplies last. Now go ahead... impress me 010717 ... whoremaster fuck you 010717 ... Dafremen Nice......go pick yer sheep. Next! 010717 ... his sexcellence i can turn your penis into an artificial oven mitt. observe: ::: spontaneously turns dafremen's penis into an artificial oven mitt ::: don't expect it back to the way it was anytime soon, though. 010717 ... flippo i can dance on my own teeth it makes a tap dance sorta sound 010717 ... Dafremen Oven mitts and my penis are both EXTREMELY blase'...NEXT! 010717 ... Dafremen Tap dancing is extremely cool. No matter what the other kids told you when you were growing up flippo. However putting your shoes in your mouth is, well, gross do0d. No blather_sheep for you either I'm afraid. Next! 010717 ... unhinged how did i get dragged into this giving out of sheep? 010717 ... Dafremen Oh...I'll give out the sheep do0d..you just catch any entries that I miss and decide whether or not you're particularly impressed.(I trust you to be perfectly unimpressed by all but the most impressive of impressers.) I sure appreciate the help! : ) 010717 ... Aimee Daffy!!! what about my monkeys??? is that impressive? 010717 ... Dafremen Indeed it was Aimee.....TAKE A SHEEP!! 010718 ... Aimee kick ass *picks a cute and fluffy sheep* 010718 ... Dafremen Another satisfied contestant. Anyone else? Cmon...impress me...I dare ya! 010718 ... Weed Eater A snake crawled up my ass while I was shitting in the woods. That was twelve years ago, and it is still in me, man. It eats all my food. The doctor says I have malnutrition. The only food my body gets must be shat out by the snake. They can't kill or remove Rose-Petal, that's his name, or else I'll die! Our symbiotic relationship is beautiful. 010718 ... grendel i have prepared and eaten each of the recipes devised on baby_satan's_snack_tips and come through it without being any more damaged than i was to start with (and trust me, that was pretty damaged) 010718 ... silentbob ive had my heart broken in the same situation and i'll always come back for more 010718 ... dB Bob, that's kinda a given isn't it. I move that Bobs last comment be removed from the slate of history. 010718 ... baby satan i second that. 010718 ... phil Sort of, tilts his head slightly. An hour later it tilts foreward. Time drags the head slowly over the decaying body. It reaches the floor and becomes seperated, bouncing violently down the stairs. 010719 ... phil The mouth falls open with the final impact, a moo sound can be heard inside. 010719 ... phil Wallpaper sheds slowly, from sun and moisture, falling slowly like petals on the moo skull. 010719 ... Dafremen Weedeater - Letting a snake crawl up your ass does NOT impress me. It causes me to pity you and want very much for you not to procreate. However living up such a moron's ass for 12 years is QUITE impressive. Rose-Petal...TAKE A SHEEP!(Might I suggest number 666? 4 and 1 are taken.) - - Gendel - I looked at baby_satan's_snack_tips and a shudder ran through my entire body. Normally I would find the performance of an act which I am unable to perform myself to be very impressive. However in this case I find it revolting. Fortunately his Sockroda Popper has baking soda which should calm the inevitable heartburn. No sheep...NEXT! - - S'Bob - I am suprised. I expected more from you. Perhaps that is MY failing and not yours. Returning for more heartache is akin to hitting yourself repeatedly in the head with a hammer. It may be fun to watch you do it, but it's NOT impressive. No sheep Bob, sorry...NEXT! - - Phil - NOW THAT'S MORE LIKE IT! TAKE A SHEEP!! 010719 ... | ) [: // ( ) /| Phack and Phil were up a hill to find a sheep with character Phack fell down on concrete ground and one sheep hollered in laughter Phil maced the sheep's 8} funny face and clubbed his head with a splatter The sheep fell down so Phack went to town on the poor synical bastard 010720 ... Dafremen If only you HADN'T resorted to someone ELSE'S Nursery rhyme as the basis of your BRILLIANT piece. Impressed? No not really. You've ALWAYS impressed me as a Nursery Thyme kind of person. No sheep...NEXT!!!! 010720 ... gas powered grendel au contraire, the baking soda from the sockroda poppers in combination with some of the other chemicals acted more like the effect that alka_seltzer has on pigeons on an interesting side note, however the resulting flatulence has melted my upholstery, killed the termites in my walls and if i stand on my roof, drop my pants and grab my ankles, i can power_launch myself across distances of up to seven miles now come, on, if that's not sufficiently impressive, i don't know what is 010720 ... Sol Is the sheep real due to a belief in said animal? can it exist only on the premise that it is described as doing so? If i describe to you, as a real item, something i know to be untrue, does it have any form of existance? if you believe it to be true can it be true existing in your perception? 010720 ... Sol also i am capable of creating, out of a combination of the wool and milk from said sheep a composite human with a startling likeness to any world leader you care to mention, this creature is fully capable of acting as and appearing as a human being, whilst under my control, therefore with your sheep i could rule the world, HAHAHA, My Manifesto: I propose to: Legalise weed (appealing to the punters) indoctrinate all children into a frame of mind where modern societeties obsession with race/colour and creed are not present in their mind. provide free health care to anyone who is not earning so much money that they can go out and loose 1000000's and not notice (except in such countries as spain and italy, where a unit currency is worth absolutely nothing, where a higher figure, equivalent to that number in sterling, is exchanged for it) have compulsory comunity service, whereby people go out and paint grannies houses and plant public flowerbeds, etc. cancel military spending and sink vast sums of otherwise military funds into scientific research, primary subjects for said research are; alternative energy sources, alternative (and spontaneous/instant travel methods, destruction of congenetive diseases and cancers, destruction of AIDS, particularly focusing on third world countries, eg Africa, alternative housing. prevent extensive building onto green field sites, and instead utilise innercity brown site land for housing construction. prevent artificial pesticides, etc, being used on farm land, particularly focusing on oestrogenic compounds. Give every person in the world a small area of the moon promote third world (and first world) family planning investigate where the second world went increase public transport services make the sending of spam illegal um, suggestions anyone? im too tired to think about more. 010720 ... baby satan i bow before grendel! 010720 ... *Ziima* This is an original prose that i wrote to an ex boyfriend. I will substitue words to fit this occasion. --I'm not a mood for people today, and all i want is "a sheep"(you) and all i need is "a sheep"(you) so why do i sit here hungry and deprived of my "sheep"(life)? I'll tell you why cause your moms a bitch and is joining everyone else in the endeavor to drive me insane I'm not a nymph but damn I need to quench my desires. -- Um...ok...that sounded bad...yeah...it sucks..ohwell... Just give me my god damned sheep, ok? 010720 ... Dafremen Gendel - The power launching has been done before...try it with a hang glider and roller blades. However the TERMITE thing could be lucrative and THAT is impressive....TAKE A SHEEP!! (...as long as you agree to my being managing partner in this pest control venture..) 010721 ... Dafremen Sol, excellent if not somewhat overworked point. I believe that the OBJECTIVE reality of NOTHING can change through pure belief alone, but certainly belief in change is the first step toward enacting it. (Thanks for the casual break from the contest... : ) Now back to the heated competition!) 010721 ... Dafremen lil' demonic highness do0d, You almost had me impressed with your strong stand on ganji, but then the rest of that malarky started to sound like Gore saying "Education, Health Care and the Environment" over and over like a hypnotising machine while making that chopping motion into his palm with the mechanical elbow looking like he was in a breakin' movie in the 80's or something. It made me shudder. Very IMPRESSIVE take your f-in sheep and go replace Jeb Bush with it, oh and keep Gore out of office PLEASE! Find some nice middle of the road guy who doesn't always look like his suit doesn't fit (Bush) or like his body doesn't fit (Gore). Cmon do0d...I'm giving you a free f*cking SHEEP after all...what's one REAL leader instead of a boz0 and more bullsh*t?! Huh?! HUH?!! HUUUHH!?!!??!!!?@@!! (Ahhh...I feel much better, I've been holding that inside since those STo0PID elections. Thanks you for your kind indulgence your micro-satanic majesty) 010721 ... Dafremen Ok, I'm so bl0an that I misread that blather's author. (snatches sheep back from baby satan) Here you go Sol...sorry do0d...yea Get Jeb Bush out of Florida cuz Floridians got enough problems without that b.s. and keep that guy who invented the Internet out of office too. Those TWO things and I'll be indebted to you, maybe I can swing a second sheep.As opposed to swing WITH one...(hoots a udgmental, disapproving look at baby satan who has come riding in strapped to the BACK of his sheep) 010721 ... Dafremen Zima that was the most beautiful thing I have ever read, except for a bunch of other stuff that was more beautiful. I'm EXTREMELY impressed!!! Take YOU..uh oh...hold on a minute...we're out of sheep...there were only six. Sigh...guess the contest is over folx...enjoy the sheep...don't forget Grendel...think dead termites! "Po0terators: We get the job done in the end." (It's still rough I'm working on it do0d...sheesh!) THIS CONTEST IS CLOSED. FEEL FREE TO CONTINUE OR NOT AS YOU PLEASE. AFTER ALL BLATHER_IS_BLATHER. 010721 ... florescent light damn it, late again 010721 ... Aimee daffy... Should we start giving away dead monkeys? I've got plenty... 010721 ... *Ziima* Got any camels instead? If not, I have plenty of deer, donkey, and camels. Best part is that they're alive. We could give them out too. The stench is gettin to me...Summer is the worst. 010721 ... Dafremen The contest continues thanks to the kind benevloence of our sponsor: Aimee and her 200 dead monkeys. (1 wet, 1 frozen and 198 charred.) Plenty of prizes so keep those clever cards and letters comin folx. That's right, GET yer dead monkee now! Impress me. 010723 ... Dafremen Crappy spelling does NOT impress me, dafremen...it only annoys me ....better luck in the future...NEXT!!! 010723 ... yoink you'd be surprised how much a sheep is like a woman. so soft and supple, who can resist entering a contest like this? in addition to that wonderful trait, a sheep is easy to store, you can broil it if you're hungry, it makes nice noises, it craps in little neat piles. i think i deserve a sheep just because i would make such good use of it. i also deserve a sheep because i once ate 650 pornography videos in one sitting. 010723 ... nocturnal at work I'd like to add my vote for yoink. if what he just said's not enough, he should get credit for complimenting me. thanks again, buddy. 010723 ... yoink no problem, buddy! thanks for the vote! 010723 ... Aimee daffy, that's 1 dead wet one and 2 dead frozen ones, and 197 dead charred monkeys... enjoy! 010723 ... Casey What about my ability to watch scrambled porn like it is normal? I can also take a stool and make people believe it is a dead deer. It worked in speech 010723 ... Gollum I think about sex in church 010723 ... burden Dafremen, I am your love child.