i_will_remember
puredream I started a list today of all the skites I would love to meet. It quickly became a list of all the skites who have touched me. The list grew from 10, to 20 to where it is at now. Over 50. You have all impacted me so much. So many words have inspired me, depressed me, freed me, tossed me, moved me, loved me, hated me. So many words. And I've needed them all. So to all of you who I will remember, for always. Thank you. 040715
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Doar That words are just that, words. An exhalation of air, although sometimes that lost breath touches my face and lingers like the cigarette smoke curling around my head. 040715
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puredream Words are everything. 040715
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puredream Words are nothing and everything inbetweeen. 040715
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Doar That tomorrow is inevitable,
as is the smile that your words bring me.
040715
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puredream That tomorrow is forever. As is my love for you. 040715
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Doar Then touch my hand hesitantly,
break that veil you have enshrouded yourself with.
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puredream hold_my_hand and fly with me. 040715
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Doar Caress the breeze as our wings our unfolded. 040715
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RRIC "are unfolded". 040715
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newme yes. i will remember
and i will forget
but then i'll remember
and i won't forget
040715
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Inside M.E. That night for as long as I live
The way our bodies seemed to melt into one, I love the way your arms felt around me, the way it felt to have my arm draped over your chest it just felt so right as though we were puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. How good it felt to lay my head down on you, and every thing I said made you laugh, and nothing was forced, it was as if we'd known each other all our lives you took your ques from me it was this silent dialog of understanding between us that hardly needed any words at all, we didnít feel the need to clutter that space with meaningless talking, and I love how you unlike so many others never tried to impress me. We didnít even kiss and you never forced the issue. We were simply who we were and that was enough. You are what made this night special to me and gifted me forever with this perfect memory.
Thank youÖ
040715
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lacunas coil 1 october 1991 040716
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unhinged the way you treated me like a dog or a table or a chair or a cup of coffee. i will remember the way my heart jumped to hear your_voice. i will remember the way i felt when you walked so far to see me and i gave you water and laid in bed with you breathing in your sweat cause you had just been running. i will remember the morning that i stood in front of you with nothing to say holding your hand when you looked at me saying that you wanted to die but couldn't see the point in killing yourself. i will remember when my heart cracked because i knew too well what you meant by that. i will remember how the meth had still managed to make you paranoid and accusatory. i will remember how many times i had to tell you that no one else had anything to do with me being with you before you finally stopped asking. i will remember how guilty i got for getting_high in front of you. i will remember how being clean for you eventually made me clean for myself. i will remember the night you said 'you aren't the same little nicole' but never really did anything about getting to know me again even though you avidly complained about how everyone else expected you to be the same way you were before you left. i will remember seeing your brother in his tightie whities turn and flee without a word when he saw us standing in the kitchen. i will remember how i felt when you wouldn't answer/return my phone calls for a month. i will remember how my hands shook talking to you on the phone and how they had stopped shaking when we weren't speaking to each other. i will remember how you wouldn't hold my hand the last time i saw you. i will remember watching the two towers with you at the cheap theater and going to barnes and noble and looking through the dream dictionaries with you before the movie started. i will remember driving out in the middle of nowhere with you and finding his trailer but finding out he didn't live in it anymore because you wanted me to meet him. i will remember spending the last night i lived in youngstown with you and the way she smiled at us when we sat together on her couch. god, i will remember all of it. it won't go away. i hope you are well today baby. but i can't call. it still hurts too much. logically and rationally, i do this cost benefit analysis of all these things i will remember and logically and rationally i know that the bad far outweighs the good. but my heart still screams for you now and again. for those serene wonderful moments of happiness laying on the couch sleeping with you, holding your hand and pressing the fist that we made together against my cheek, wordless admiration and appreciation for you holding me. i will remember you forever. a promise and a curse. 040716
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In_Bloom The difference between being wanted as a distraction to ease someone's loneliness and being wanted, the me part being wanted
It's worth holding out for and worth lamenting
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unhinged the way you came up from behind me, put your hands on my hip, and whispered_in_the_ear

'when are we getting married?'

and it was the first time i'd seen you in over a year. you took me over to the couch and grabbed my hand. you were never afraid to tell people about me. when people met me, they had the 'ah, so that's the girl' look in their eyes.

the day you left that message on my machine when you joined that funk band in your charmingly_flat singing voice 'i want to thank you for letting me be myself again'

(yes, he wanted me, not just the distraction i made for him. for the past six years, i have been looking for that and am still empty_handed )

iron_skillet
the_iron_skillet
090515
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