i_need_to_puke
sixteen all the time.
its not because I feel fat anymore. Which I do. But its not that.

I just need to fucking puke. I feel sick all the time. I need it out of me, whatever it is thats hurting me.

I always feel so much better.

god I need to puke.
030617
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endless desire funny, i know that feeling all too well. 030617
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j anthony took me out to an expensive dinner in hollywood.
after one bite the nausea kicked in
(not because of the food)
and i went to the bathroom to puke

but no one would leave

so my hot face and i went outside
and puked in a plant
030617
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me j

im sorry

i did it for you
030617
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sixteen i know

i reallyknow how you feel
030617
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j funny, i recall being alone 030617
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knot meat you've wrote your epitaph in vomit and blood, in thousands of nights which were supposed to be the last one, untill farther and farther from center your intentions slid, and you couldn't even remember why it was you wanted to stop. you heard their voices calling back at you from the forced unconsciousness of not tonight, but another night you knew would come, and you heard them calling you soft, demanding from you what they wanted, what you cheated them of. you'll take in their requests, but it's them that makes you feel so full, so heavy.

there was a time it was the sun, there was a time it was a hand,
there was a time it was specific.

now it is a mirror, now it is a light which must be dimmed, now it is that feeling, that feeling of surrender, which has not as of yet reached the courage of completion.

so you buckle and undulate like the tide, and want to be done with it, no longer jarred from rest.
030617
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endless desire wow 030617
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j thanks k.m. 030617
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