Jacer ich weib, dab gesagtes i ich schlafen gehen würde, aber es ist, also, auf solch einer vollkommener Nacht stark zu schlafen, der ominous(?) Lullaby(?) der tunders alles tut, aber, mir helfend zu schlafen, wie ich mich wunsche, drauben waren 020528
Arwyn gute idee! schlafen ist gut, aber du muss was dein herz sagen machen! 020528
Jacer ich erhalte das Gefuhl, das Sie mich anpirschen

i still can't sleep though
so fucking lost i guess this means i dont remember
what the truth is, anymore.
reitoei i prefer "creative interpretation of reality" 020529
Kate I guess this means I lied to myself when I said that try not to do anything to mess this up. I guess this means I lied when I told myself not to give in, that I would be strong. I guess this means I lied to my hands and my heart and my stomach. 020530
Jacer Ich kann schlafen, ich kann schlafen. Wenn ich ihn genugende Male wiederhole, denken Sie ihn kommen zutreffend? Ich nehme nicht an. Allerdings bin ich bald wach. 020826
unhinged i should know better by now. i really can't be friends with people that i feel that way about. can't watch them pass me over for someone else. sorry about that. i should have walked away the second you told me you just wanted to be friends. i should know that we're_just_friends is the worst kind of lie for me.

it's my biggest contradiction. i hate lies. but i can never tell the truth about how i feel.
Lemon_Soda That is because it is impossible to convey true feeling with just words.

We have it, deep in us, sometimes swelling so large we think we will burst.

We say,"I love you." and just as the last sylable leaves our lips we realise how little that phrase really conveys compared to what those words feel like on the inside.

You can't ever tell anyone anything and expect them to get it all the way.

Don't say. DO. It is much more potent.
unhinged yeah, words don't mean much
but i'm scared to inaction

because even when i showed him
every way i knew how
i was still passed over
tossed aside
cause we're_just_friends after all
Lemon_Soda Is it like loving a snake or spider(which can be very beautiful and attractive) despite yourself(knowing better and still lamenting the fact that it had chosen to bite you?

What attracted you to him in the first place?

Did his true nature hold firm to what you believed him to be?
Syrope i just wanted to feel in control again
i'm so ashamed at how calm it made me. it's just sick.
unhinged it's a snake's nature to bite
and it wasn't like he didn't tell me what he wanted out of me

'oh, you're just using me for my violin playing'

i'm using you for your cooking
and your sarcasm
and your violin playing'

i was blinded by how i felt
his true nature was there
the whole time
i lied to myself AGAIN
when i said i could be
just friends
Lemon_Soda Sounds like you knew exactly who and what he was, forgave him his faults and still had deep feelings for him that you wanted returned.

It didn't seem like any of it was a problem until he didn't want to be with you anymore.

To have that level of exceptance go unacknowledged probably hurts alot.

Console self via personal capacity. It speaks highly of you. Then go find someone worhty of it, or who atleast sees the forest for the trees.
what's it to you?
who go