i_forget Afro I still try and forget things that happened like five years ago just to give myself a little more clarity today. But I guess it doesn't always work that way, and it isn't always that easy. I try and forget alot about the beach house and all the bad times it brought. It was a like a huge black cloud constantly stayed over that house and made everyday feel much worse than the day before. There were some good things that happened, but they were always overshadowed by something horrible. I knew I had to leave that place, forget everything about it and just start all over. So I started by moving home and getting new friends. Although it wasn't as easy as that. I had lingering friendships and relationships that hung around for almost three years and I only realized recently that I couldn't stand to be miserable anymore. I guess I never thought about how much these relationships were killing me. Bringing back memories that didn't need to be brought back. Those days were gone forever and for some damn good reasons. I forget what was actually good about them, I guess I have those memories somewhere in my mind, but I try not to bring them out anymore because with the bad comes the good, and honestly I'd rather just not have either. I forget her saying she'd love me forever and that she'd never love anyone else more than she did me, but all I needed from her was for her to just like me and to smile every once in a while. I forget all those times when she cried just to get what she wanted, and at first all I did was get down on both knees and kiss her ass. I forget that day when the phone rang and I picked it up and it was him and he told me things I'd only told her, things that were secrets that I never wanted anyone to know, not even my closest friends. And I forget that I flipped out because I didn't trust her ever, and I think the feeling was mutual and I guess I kinda deserve that. I forget about all the times when I just wanted to cry because of how frustrating it was to feel all these bad thoughts and still love her more than I had loved before. I forget about all those cards she wrote me even though we wrote emails and talked on the phone and saw each other everyday. I didn't forget what I did with them though. Sometimes I try and forget, but all that does it make me think about it more. I forget those six months when I slept next to her everynight and I thought I found the person I was going to be with forever. I also forget that I never felt so alone during those six months, never felt so distant from her, and for the first time I thought that she wasn't the one for me anymore. I don't always forget the day I told her that maybe it was better if we went our separate ways so we can find the happiness that we both deserve. I forget what she said, but I don't think it matters anymore. That was almost two years ago. I forget why I actually thought things would be ok, since they never were since we met. I forget my parents talking me to about how a relationship requires both people to try and I forget her saying that she wasn't willing to try anymore. I forget her calling me an asshole a couple days before she left, but I don't forget that I couldn't wait for her to leave. I forget exactly what she wrote on the letter she gave me when she left and I forget what she was wearing. But I don't forget that day. All those memories put together and being able to look back on it now make me feel a lot more confident in my decision because even now I forget what brought us together. Maybe it was love, maybe it was loneliness. But I don't forget that she was never alone. She was one of those people who couldn't stand to be by herself. I forget if she was actually with someone else the last time I talked to her, but she probably was. I forget what day is was exactly, but I don't care anymore. I have to start forgetting more. But most of all, I have to forget her. And in a couple days I'll forget that I even wrote this, but then again, I forget the reason why I started writing this today. If I forget so much, why is it all still there? 040727 ... monee now what_i_dreamed 041209 what's it to you? who go blather from