cazzi i should be asleep now but here i am, i lay in bed for what seemed like hours and sleep wouldn't come so i came back here to blather myself into boredom and sleepiness! 001230
Thyartshallshant Thats what i always do till about 2:30 in the morn. Last night i did it til 4:30. And then the next day i dont get up til around 2:30/3:00 so it works out perfect! 001230
cazzi ahh but see the thing is, i can't do that....so i had a bad night last night but now it is 8am and i am up again. 001231
god 4:08 am 001231
daxle laid in bed "I can't think about this anymore I'm not getting anywhere I'm just driving myself insane"
tried deep breathing and aum but it took many restarts but I guess finally worked
slept until I just couldn't stand being in bed anymore so I climbed down and did the next less ambitious thing and laid in the futon and watched tv
now I should go back to bed but I'm afraid of driving myself crazy again
is this my inheritance?
a bird in a bottle the curse of awareness

i read this somewhere, i understood it a bit too well for my own liking:

"Did she consider me and find me wanting? Mostly she would have found me wanting her."
god 6:59 am 001231
Thyartshallshant 4:03 AM also. 001231
Thyartshallshant Actually, god, im farily sure we are on blather at the same time as we speak, just three hours worth of timezones away. Just a thought. 001231
god yeh. this time business was a bad idea. maybe i should get rid of it. 001231
Thyartshallshant Sounds good to me, O great sleep deprived one. 001231
kx21 Desires for something else... 010101
Rhin Sing me a lullaby baby, because I can't sleep! 010101
sore rib sings la la la la la la la la...

Rhin *zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz* 010102
kx21 without e_bubble. 010102
Death of a Rose fingers are glued to the keyboard,

face is melted into the screen

feet have faded
Lemon_Soda enough. 031013
notme help 031014
.fallen blargle 040217
:_) and the blather insomniacs emerge
unfortunately there is no curfew....
grendel it is 2:22 AM
I need to be up by 7

I am not the least bit sleepy now

If this doesn't change soon, i may find myself forced to either call in and try to sleep or just try, by the grace of caffeine and willpower to ride it all the way through, though i didn't sleep last night either


Piso Mojado me: hey brain, it would be great if you could stop thinking for a few hours and let me go to bed. i have work in the morning, and i would really appreciate it.

brain: no. fuck you. this is what happens when you push me into the background so often. now it's my time (maniacal laugh)

me: but, it's 2;45 am. and i haven't pulled an allnighter since last year at school when i was really depressed. i dont know if i can do it now-

brain: and don't you think that should tell you something? can't you even pick up the basic patterns of your mental health? these things come and go sarah! it's come back again. crept up on you so softly? bull shit-don't tell me you haven't seen it coming.

me: i guess it never left. it's easy to hide self/life hatred behind activities, pot, people. but, even if i am depressed/heading for disaster, i still need to get off the computer and go to bed, so that i can be a responsible person at work tomorrow.

brain: fine. but don't think this is over. we've got some long nights ahead of us.
Piso Mojado it starts again. 040219
smurfus rex don't know if it would work for anyone else, but when I'm having trouble settling down to sleep, I close my eyelids, look up toward my eyebrows, and think of a white stucco wall. If Brain tries to put pictures on the wall, I take them away. Only the wall.

I don't know how long it takes, but it almost always works for me. I rarely toss and turn anymore since I started doing this.
love & hate Sleep?
I dont know the meaning of the word.
Two things are always on my mind.
My dearest Katie, and death.
Both entwine frighteningly when i go to "sleep".
I want her, am i willing to live this life in hope of having her back?
Or will i committ the sinful act to stop this wishful thinking?
I can never sleep for when i wake up, it continues again.
My dreams are so real, i dont know when i'm awake or sleeping anymore.
Without my precious angel, i can't sleep.
Nicki and its all because of my feet. They ache. They cause me to toss and turn, and twist and bend. It's their revenge for me standing on the for 10 hrs today, walking non-stop, apart from the 10 minute break i got. Evil things. I should cut them off. 040418
grendel because if i sleep, i will dream

and the transition from that world back to this one is a giant fuckin drag
Piso Mojado 7:45am 050307
mon uow http://blather.newdream.net/red/7/7_oh_clock.html

hey, (i say to myself)
look at the time
look at the time!
go to bed go to bed

too friggin friggin for words.
oldephebe insomnia

warm milk, herbal tea and i still can't get to sleep

i'm sick of it already
mon uow head-butting her monitor nine oh clock oh clock oh clock 050307
ifyoureallywanttosleep to sleep like a rock:

- 2 contact cold pills
(blue for night time)
- one of those "neocitron" teas
(also for colds)

you'll be sleeping before you know it
mon uow personally i'd prefer a muffin. 050307
Piso Mojado yummm, warm banana nut muffin. 050307
Piso Mojado ghahhh.
goodbye computer/worries about roomate and huge project needing to buy supplies for and do-

unhinged 'did i wake you?'
it was almost 3am
'it sounds like i did.'
she lived two time zones away
'no, i was just reading to try to fall asleep so it sounds like i was sleeping.'

i used to get pissed
when he would take me home right away
but the bed was small
and he didn't want to practice the cuddle_sutra with me
that wasn't what i was for
he couldn't put his hands on me
without finding a way to make me moan
he didn't want to hold me in
he wanted to pull me out
and when he didn't take me home
he rolled over with his back pressed against me
pushing me against the wall
with no covers

either way
jane will probably be my last words

(even though i'll not be the first)
Piso Mojado 4:23 051120
dairpo we pulled the sheets tight, curled up in small, separate balls of warmth huddled against our own fears. she lay gently asleep, my eyes stayed open, shivering, looking for the stars through the ceiling. open to delusions in that wakefulness between sleep my mind raced worrisomely towards certain depression. when all is well, that which sits on the rocks looks like the pit of hell, churning magma reaching up to disintegrate the stability of physical bonds.

"i can't sleep" i whispered softly, tossing on my half of the bed, refusing to turn in fear that i may have woken her from her gentle rest. slowly sitting i filled my lungs and gently made my departure known to whoever was awake, hoping it was just myself. slipping, then, softly from beneath the covers, holding my breath, and passing through the door.

finding solace across the hall, sitting on the toilet seat, head in hands, letting my labourous breathing take its course. handfuls of water cooled my nerves, woke my heart to remind my head that the thoughts from the bed were the hallucinations of a mind needing rest, a body unused to so much space with such medium proximity to that source of radiating calm and happiness. no resolution, that would come later, but acceptance and tolerance within those long bright walls.

sleep came quickly after that, still huddled on my side, she barely stirred when i re-entered the bed. waking softly to my name whispered i found our arms entwined, faces pressed close, in the familiarity of an unconsiousness movement during sleep. gentle smiles and renewed slumber welcomed the early morning sun, reflected so perfectly off the snow gently falling in the world beyond our lives.
emmi i can't these days. i've been in bed for 2 and a half hours. i just gave up. 051120
z beds on fire 051121
delial i spend my evenings with tv land or nick at night, depending on which room i'm in[cable box or not], and i watch it until 7 or 8 am, when my eyes finally close and i can fall asleep.

too much on my mind again.
nom i can't sleep
i can't type
what's it to you?
who go