i_am_a_nothing
atrium to practice emptiness
to prevent tears
this moment alone
the fruit after all the petals have fallen
from ripe to rotting
wishing for a forest fire
021028
...
unhinged or to only cry at night
with the window cracked open on the frost
to refrigerate the soul
i hadn't sobbed like that in ages
and i still can't figure out exactly why
but i think it was because
i_am_a_nothing
to everyone
wipe away the tears and walk away
so that i'm sleeping_alone
i've grown used to it
while it may not be comforting
it sure is familiar
i_am_a_nothing
of dark shadows
and sharp edges
as my lip crumbles into tears
running black down my
shadowed cheeks
i_am_a_nothing
i_am_a_mistake
021028
...
NothingNow now and always 030810
...
. . 030810
...
ashmanzhou i hope to be nothing
solely only wholly within myself
and to my own self
i hope to be true

nothing subsists there not even me
i pale to think of my alter'd self
writhing in pain'd horrific grace
living breathing dreaming gone
to nothing oh nothing why must i be
a something of nothing unreality bound
030810
...
noun I love self-pity.

That shit gets me going.
030810
...
atrium my statements had nothing to do with self pity, for the record. it was about stripping myself down to what i am. to be clean and free of pain. 030810
...
. . 041029
...
Syrope i didn't even hit you, bug. i missed.

but you flopped over and lay there like you were dead for a few seconds anyway.

then you leapt up like you were happy to see me, like maybe i'd forget i wanted you dead.

i hit you again. i didn't miss.
i keep expecting you to get back up again, though.
i think it's better this way.
041029
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from