how_to_get_a_job_if_you_have_no_skills
anne-girl ...
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i'm drawing a blank
what the bloody hell's there to put on a resume?
Skills
i'm really rather good at calculus?
i can program perl? (who cares?)
i can explain what the 4 quantum numbers of an electron mean?
i can write a lab report in my sleep at 4 in the morning the day it's due?

bloody science...
Relevant Skills:
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nope, can't speak french decently
er, i learn quickly?
nope, no experience
team player if you want me to be, sure
er, good personality. Naaaah!

i mean, to flip burgers you need what skills? what's there to put? McD's doesn't bloody care if i can do calculus... but that's all i know. Sure, I have zilch experience (assistant lab technician anyone?). That's why I'm applying to this bloody place... bakery? right on... damn, can't cook.

picture a science geek wandering morosely around the mall, greasy resume in hand
050628
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p2 you're job hunting in a mall?
what a waste

believe it or not
perl is a skill

whore yourself out
as an intern
at a programming company

even if it's unpaid
you'll get experience
to put on your resume

and if you're as good
as i think you are
they'll probably end up
offering you a full time job

at least
that's how i got my job
050628
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Just Curious by "whore" do you mean "slave with no wages"?

.
050628
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the voice of piglet whore usually means _sexy_ slave with no wages. rawr. 050628
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p2 i meant
"to sell yourself cheaply"
as i have yet to meet a whore
who works for free

wait
no
i don't mean
i regularly see whores

ack
no
not that i do irregularly

um
ok
bye
050628
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pete i started as a dishwasher and now i'm the 5th cook (of 6)... from skilless to skilled worker, one step at a time 050628
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TK yea, some how I thought haveing already haveing two previous jobs would help me find another one, how silly am I?

Aparently no one cares that I woke up at 4 in the morning to get to work by 5:30 to dig compost put them in bags and then hauled (ok in the beginning I kinda draged them a lil paused to get my breath and then draged them even further to the desired destanation, but after a week I was definately lifting and hauling) them from here to their and sometimes back again.

Nor do thay care that I was a diswasher who also cleaned, worked at a registor and made sandwiches

golly gee, I just cant figure out why with _all_ my "skills" I've yet to be hired

*grumbles and goes back to filling out ap's*
050629
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minnesota_chris volunteering in your field is good 050629
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anne-girl brilliant, brilliant, gorgeous people, you skites are *blows kisses*
i will now go running around like a madwoman, in search of unpaid labour

w00t! (i have hope... maybe...) (not really, but hey)
050629
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tangentgirl how about having to have 5 years experience in a job no one has ever heard of?
and why does cbc come up 3rd in a search when they offer nothing? I'm not an intern and I don't know anything about radio aside from
1. turn on
2. (occasionally unnecessary) adjust until station comes in clearly
3. listen

apparently, this is not good enough.
is there anything I don't have to go to school for?

Get a career in obscure job opportunities! Apply now to be a waitress! masters in english required.
070222
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narduar I did. It takes one connection. That's all. 070223
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phil One you acquire a full job description and perform it once or twice, you realize just about any job is easily accomplished.
You just need to sound like the perfect candidate.
It's ok to plainly ask "What's this company is?", and "What I'd need to do, work here?"

If asked, say "I am a cheery mother fucker, I have always been doing extra crap!" Take any activity you may have accidently participated in at school, from aerobics to fundraising. Tell them "I love that shit!..." You should have at least one boring real life story about it.
Write about it in your resume, the more of your resume you can recite word for word the better. Take the time to edit it scrupulously short.

If you spent your time doing absolutely nothing you may need to bend the truth a great deal, but have some dignity, playing video games is not going through medical school, it is conducting computer research. If you live near a science laboratory, say "I spend a lot of time nearby the lab", not at your mom's house. (other big activities include, doing crossword puzzles, drinking coffee, answering the phone, throwing things away)

Every second of your life must be accounted for and follow a simple-minded path to your potential employer's doorstep.

As desperation sets in your stories will become much more elaborate, spiritual even. Nothing squashes your soul like success.

If you can find work uniforms at a second hand store, that's quite a lot of evidence that you worked there.

Look at your future co-workers, slouch as they do, follow dress-code or at least wear the right pants. Not the shoes however, but keep trying to get at the broom. Your manager apparent should be very excited.

Never apply anywhere twice.
070223
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. sandwich_shop_refuses_to_hire_megalomaniac 070223
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someone shouts "I have always been doing extra crap!" 070223
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fix :_(

i don't want to work with those ego brains though.
would prefer to live in a little hut in poverty.. its more real.

if only they would let me in without so many judgements. i had better shut my mouth.

:_(
070223
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birdmad easy...

either be named George W. Bush or be appointed by George W. bush
070223
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jane my friend had a "small business" in high school where she would serve food at large dinner parties that rich people in her neighborhood held. i helped her one time & made 50 bucks, but it had been on my resume until about a year ago. she's still a reference, too, personally and professionally.

vamp up your resume. lie a little bit. i also said that i had used excel, when i hadn't. before an interview, they sat me down at a word/excel test. i just used the "help" feature for one or two things, the rest was very basic, very common sense. knowing where to look for stuff. at the interview i told them that i had used it a long time ago. not like they were going to ask me to demonstrate.
well i guess that requires skills: knowing how to fake it. but i didnt really know how to use excel.

when i was trying to find jobs in college, i used high school activities too, like the fact that i co-founded a musical union club. they see that and think, leadership qualities. instigator. decision-maker. blah blah.

if all else fails, unbutton your blouse & let the guy look at your boobs for two minutes.
070226
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jane by the way, do put ALL skills you have.. you never know when they come in handy.
an old boss of mine had worked in a gas station and put it down, and the fact that she had handled credit card information held plenty of significance. i put down that i spoke sign language, and it came in handy. you never never know.
070226
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that one girl scam people? lol...con artists rule...tricky bastards 070226
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Aw-shucks it's a con !
"Swagger"

you are too cool you see... that's why you wear sunglasses.
070315
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. if all else fails, get into robbery - crime pays - you know it makes sense 070316
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Ride depends what you call crime !

depends whom you concider to be the number 1 terroist of the world. If the world was to vote... i'm quite quite sure what the answer would be.

what do you think Crash Bang ?
070316
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. Run around, hoping. 070316
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