holding_my_breath blown cherry each and every moment wondering if you'll still be mine when I let go and breathe again 020801 ... squint I'll call you he said i'm not holding my breath I said. (and i rolled my eyes) but i did anyway and i couldn't answer when he called because i was too busy turning blue. 020801 ... Sailor Jupiter I was a bundle of nerves tonight. I got guilt tripped into going on a date w/my rapist. Please save your judgements, it's a long story. We saw K-19....what a loooooong movie. What made it longer was him sliding his hands on my leg, his fingers in my shorts, tugging at my shirt, poking my stomach. I'd slap him away I'd yell at him. He bit my arm. I was so scared he was going to do more. I was holding my breathe hating the situation I was in and hating that there wasn't away out of it that didn't involve a big scene and all my secrets spewing from me like vomit. He walked me to my car and demanded a kiss. He had paid for my ticket after all. I wouldn't. He grabed at my face with his keys in his hand and ended up running them down my face. It hurt but there are no marks. Asshole. I hate how he makes me weak. Hopefully this is the last I'll ever see of him. But even now an hour later, I am still holding my breath. I don't want to be alone tonight. I feel vulnerable. I hate being this weak. 020801 ... squint don't be. you shouldn't have to do that. :-( 020801 ... IKC 56-80 is partly why i'm so blue 020801 ... Sailor Jupiter I wasn't looking for a response. But thank you squint. =) 020802 ... hsg starting as I lay down to sleep, I hold my breath for one second longer each breath. breathe all the way out then all the way in. a breath a minute... plus one, plus two... lungs expand diaphramaticontractions... stretch my lungs as I inherit a greater capacity for the intensity of life that awaits me in the following day. I got up to 3:45 EPO production a hobby of mine. adequate iron intake. a vegan diet. a fasted state to free up bodily resources from digestion and removal of senseless waste. my brain thinks more freely. my spirits calm. breathe deeply & intentionally. 061017 ... unhinged everytime you walk away i realize that i was holding my breath at the mere sight of you 061017 ... Jordan I held, and held, and held, and then i was dead 061017 what's it to you? who go blather from