hey_unhinged
lost it's been a while since i have talked to you on aol. whats going on? i hope your doing ok. lets see here.... well i havent been able to use my computer at home so i have been blathing from skool. I threw a rod in my engine on my truck so i had to put a new engine in it. that cost me almost 2000 bucks. my truck runs a lot better now. befor it was a pile o' shit now it's a beast. later 010925
...
unhinged yeah man...i was wondering where the hell you've been lately. i guess i'm doing alright lately, well not really but i'm not in a very talkative mood. today sucked; it's cold here. later 010925
...
silentbob you rock, baby 010925
...
unhinged thanks bob :) 010925
...
lost well it's good to know your doin alright. 010926
...
unhinged i guess alright is the word for it 010926
...
peace hey baby whats up.....you know im like a mushroom...I kinda grow on you. what can i say im a fungi.... 011004
...
MollyCule I saw on either Conan or Late Late Show last night that the best city in the US for lesbians to live in is . . . . .



. . . .Milwaukee!
011004
...
unhinged yeah, robert said there is a pretty big gay community there and i'll hopefully be moving there in a couple of years. til then i'll just have to settle for all the weirdos in y_town


i like fungus...to eat anyways.
011004
...
Aimee i miss you 011005
...
unhinged well if i'm around talk to me :)

i'm having somewhat of a nervous breakdown right now because of things that happened in the past week and i have to work tonight and i just LOST MY KEYS....i really need to find my keys. i just had them....
011005
...
Casey I ate them 011007
...
unhinged i found them...well actually a friend of mine found them and hung them on my door handle.

i just went on the most beautiful sunday_drive this afternoon
011007
...
lost lets see today i went on a double date cuz my best friend (he is cuz thy isnt here) is dating my girlfriends best friend. we went to lunch then went to this fair thing, then we went to dinner and a movie. I just got back. 011007
...
unhinged my day just got even more weird in a good way after my sunday_drive. 011007
...
MollyCule howscome you didn't call me on sunday? I was all ready for another late night at denny's and all . . . 020116
...
unhinged i did call you on sunday...your phone rang once and then your voice mail picked up and i left you a message. i called back a few hours later and the same thing happened but i didn't leave a message. 020116
...
damaged i admire you 020301
...
unhinged thank you 020301
...
yummyC ditto (damaged) 020302
...
god thank you for the goodnight kiss. thank you for getting me and bill back to the room. thank you for being youself, and thanks for letting our two distant lives intersect. 020331
...
sabbie today the butterflies gathered in my back yard and lifted their trilling voices in a thin but beautiful song

and i thought of you.
020331
...
unhinged i walked down the street today and suddenly youngstown didn't seem so bleak. thanks god.


sab---
do you think you could make the butterflies sing in ohio?
020401
...
sabbie hey sweets, you jsut gotta listen with the right set of ears.

the stars send their love...
020401
...
unhinged when i read the books you sent me, the ears that i had so long buried, hear everything they were meant to hear. i hope hope hope that when you come we can spend the day together. 020401
...
god nic- it's a night i'll never forget. ghostly, surreal, comforting in memory.
i'll always miss you, though we talk all the time.
020401
...
unhinged sometimes it's misery to know that we can't hang out like that again; well maybe we could, but nowhere near as often as i would like 020401
...
silentbob i think you're beautiful
and i want to fuck you
and use you
for valentines and for hugs and for kisses
and i want to sleep in your bed
and i want you to hold me at night
and i want to kiss you in front of everyone we know and people we dont
;)
sometimes we go a while without chatting on the internet. sometimes its months. but im not ignoring you.
can i keep you?
020404
...
unhinged you are complicatedly_precious bob

i almost cried when i read this. now why do you have to live so damn far away? i would sleep in your bed and hold you if you didn't live in IOWA. you can keep me if i can keep you.
020404
...
werewolf if hey was unhinged...it might look like this....h e y 020404
...
silentbob yes yes. Shhh.

werewolf: i find you to be a funny and amusing blatherer
020405
...
werewolf oh you're too kind...but it's a strange thing to tell unhinged 020425
...
ClairE I_miss_you

and

I want you to take care of yourself.

Remember how sad you were when I left? So much has happened over these past few years, and through it all I am glad to say I found someone like you.

I_love_you, Nicole.
031015
...
oldephebe 'sup gurl? 031015
...
unhinged claire - i miss you too buhbee. i wish i had more time to waste on the internet like back in the day. i'm really doing okay; i just get bouts of how i used to be. but after all the stuff i went through in youngstown, i'm hoping to put all the misery to better use and i'm not doing the stupid shit i used to even though i'm tempted to sometimes. call me sometimes.

pheb - i'm tired, angry, agitated, discouraged, busy as hell....but i'm going back to ohio in two weeks for my mom's 50th birthday for a much needed mini vacation. school can be discouraging at best but i always stay on the bandwagon. some fucked up thing my dad taught me when i was little --- always finish what you start. hehe. i really should be doing my bibliography work right now. late.
031016
...
oldephebe i'm feelin' you gurl.. your pops was right though .. my dad would rather lecture me about the turgid and tautology..the secular scriptures of impenetrable reams of really rigorous orthodoxy.. when my mom and him were together .. anything like intimacy or paternal advice fagedaboutit.. so sometimes i wish i had some frayed aphoristic nugget to pin my life onto.. hold it up as it were ..simply because my dad had taken the time to gently, and yet sternly drive it down deep into my derma ... wow.. why am i so wistful today? you gon' be alright gurl..

much love,

lugubrious oldephebe
031016
...
unhinged i know by now that it all works out in the end but the dark clouds are moving back in. so many people here telling me that you can't stake your happiness on someone else and now that he's gone completely i'm reverting just like i know he's reverting without me. all fatalistic human-hating depressed addictive like i used to be but strong enough not to indulge myself like i used to. gotta get shit done now. but there's still that little voice in the back of my head that says 'why do you bother?' and it gets louder everyday. why do people have to be so shitty? i hate shitty people. and then everything anyone says to me turns into something shitty even when they didn't mean it that way. i'm going back to my hermit phase. but the whole thing is tempered with better experiences. so once again, i'm unhinged. for awhile i thought that it was silly to go by that name, but it always comes back around to me. slowly different but at the same time so much the same. older unhinged, adult unhinged, experienced unhinged, unhappy unhinged, intolerable unhinged, angry unhinged, exasperated unhinged, insignificant unhinged, over-extended unhinged, unlikable unhinged.

just the same as it ever was.

(pms is a bitch and my sinuses are swollen to the size of grapefruits. and did i mention that i hate school?)
031017
...
Dafremen Love I'm dying...email me. I don't understand exactly why, but a disturbing pattern is being repeated again and again and I could sure use a friend to help me hash things out. Thanks do0d. 031017
...
unhinged check your email daf 031018
...
oldephebe hey girl..'sup..i hope you are taking care of your self..shaping a sacred space for yourself and those things you cherish..later 031108
...
Dafremen You never got back to me.. Hae you gone the way of the White Buffalo? Are you on a spiritual quest of your own? Did I need a Tic-Tac? (Only 1 calorie you know) 031108
...
ClairE supa dope smokin' fly!

*hug*
031126
...
unhinged pheb, daf, clairE

lord. stomach back to old anxiety pains as all my procrastination catches up with me, waiting to see if my bach_goddess is actually coming up this weekend like planned, even though i had a feeling she would back out at the last second as usual. daf, keep harassing me. i feel like such a horrible friend, but admitting that i barely have enough time for myself these days. just keep kicking me in the ass.

a calming picture i carry around with me these days: my mom and dad have been helping to remodel my sister's recently purchased house because she is pregnant and can't be around paint fumes. yesterday she came to the house with arielle to wait for the locksmith and she brought the portable dvd player to entertain arielle (god that child is spoiled...but she is the apple of so many eyes that material spoiling is but a fraction of the love spoiling she gets from us all). her and my dad laid belly down on the dining room floor to watch toy story and she looked at my dad in her not even two year old beyond adorable voice and said 'woah toby poppa, there's andy.' and her longish red curls and deep blue eyes and the way the last time i saw her she looked at me and said 'bye bye nikki, i love you' and teaching her solfege in the front room. my little living breathing red-headed angel. that is my peace these days. pure and uncorrupted innocence and love in the form of the child i will never have. i can't wait to eat her up again and listen to her cackle and play coy with me the next time i see her. it is giving direction to these endless thankless days.

keep harassing me daf.
031126
...
oldephebe is there anything more honest and pure than a toddlers laugh, or unadorned gesture of love? man. when i was a senior in highschool, there was this incredible woman who used to encourage me in my music and she and her husband had this great little kid, and for some reason the little dude didn't mind roaming around with me...i mean i didn't tickle him or baby him or make wierd noises, we just kinda quietly, soberly walked and sometimes one of us would ask the other a question...i didn't have an experience like that again until i had my own little guy to quietly ponder the time with..so..little kids..they know much more than we think they do...there's a lotta stuff going on up there in that little head....

so unhinged - i sent you an email to your hotmail addy. i need either your snail mail address or your yahoo address to send (i promise this time!)my christmas mp3's to. they are as i said kinda morose alternative fugues but still, in the fringes, at the round brown edges of those sad notes there is a hopefulness there

hot me up at the yahoo or hotmail addy
...
041207
...
phebe sorry

hit me up at the yahoo or hotmail addys
...
041207
...
unhinged k

sorry; kinda frantic around here with finals coming on in the next week and a half; so much theory work to do in the next ten days. ugh *sigh*

look for it soon
041207
...
unhinged yeah, i miss my kids *sigh*


that's right; kidS (plural) cause now there's a little man crawling around by the name of owen. and he's just all smiles and giggles and mischief the way a little boy is supposed to be. i'm sad not being able to watch him grow up quite as closely as i did with arielle, but he's so cute in a much different way. my little peanut o-man. he's a kamikaze crawler; head first over the step down into my aunt's family room. i can't wait til they both get big enough to beat the shit out of each other. which believe me, the way arielle snatches toys from him with the 'mine mine mine' will be sooner than my sister would like. heh heh heh. brings me back to the good old days when me and my bro were rugrats. arielle and owen are A LOT like me and my brother; it's kind of freakish in fact.

my kids; i miss em a lot. *sigh*
041207
...
phebe yeah

i get that
...
041207
...
stork daddy hey 041207
...
u24 you might like
thetibetsite.com
060321
...
ever dumbening yo homegirlie,

do you still use/check the email connected to your screenname? the n_bloam hot mail one?

i sent you a message there.
071201
...
unhinged i'll go look right now 071201
...
u24 are you still running xubuntu? I've been thinking of switching from XP to kubuntu. 080409
...
unhinged no, i have a mac now. and i was never really running my xubuntu. my roommate was the one that installed it and updated and stuff. he doesn't even use linux anymore. he moved on to other better things.....


i gave my old computer to a friend and i saw it not long ago and it was still running. considering the hardware was shit, i attribute it to the software.
080409
...
.24 still running xubuntu? 080511
...
i24 ahh! deja-blathe! sorry! 080511
...
unhinged no problem ;-) 080511
...
dafremen Gutsy_Gibbon with compiz-fusion :) 080511
...
sameolme
I am taking care of my Mom, who has Alzheimer's. She really responds well
to music, and still plays the piano.
I'm looking for music that a ninety year old kid would like. I have a CD
machine , a radio and an internet link.
Examples of music that she has liked and
I can listen to are: a classic station when it doesn't get weird, a set of 20's pop songs, The Sound of Music, songs that stars sang on the Muppets (now on You Tube)and other random, positive stuff. What is needed is more music that is fun, uplifting, energizing,and with easily comprehended lyrics. Any suggestions?
080511
...
seriously? whoa whoa whoa - unhinged IS sameolme?!? 080511
...
unhinged no, i am not sameolme



let me chew on that for awhile
080511
...
gives hug. 080613
...
not unhinged either Sameolme: she might like some songs by Charlotte Church... 080614
...
anne-girl some of the things you've written have somehow touched me

you're pretty rad
080721
...
daxle I'm glad I got to meet you. 080722
...
unhinged anne-girl: i write my heart on my sleeve to make myself feel better. and sometimes it helps other people feel better too. i'm glad when that happens cause more often than not i feel self_indulgent petulant and whiny.

daxle: me too *grin* that trip has been an anchor for me lately. stressed_bitchy_allergic really not a good combination. top that with heartbroken and i don't want to do anything i have to do to move this weekend. but maximum_skiteage was definitely a high point of my summer. for_sure
080722
...
Ouroboros Thanks for visiting me in my dream last night- you told me that as soon as I got settled in an apartment in SF, you'd be visiting me. We both laughed, and you walked away, happy. 090401
...
unhinged weird...cause i've been thinking of coming back for another visit. also been thinking of doing some teacher training this summer so i can permanently relocate in that direction so haven't decided completely about the visit. my brother is relocating there next winter. between all the skites in the bay and my brother, i would be out there regularly. we could make an even bigger maximum_skiteage since the last was so fun. ;-)

when are you moving?
090401
...
unhinged (or was that part of the dream? thoughts of visiting sf since i have a growing number of dear ones in that city is one of the only things making me happy these days. work has totally sucked the life and the will out of me lately. *sigh*) 090401
...
Ouroboros moving most likely this august (depends on whether i get into the grad school there.) and you are more than welcome to stay on my couch when i get one whenever you come and visit/relocate/etc. 090401
...
unhinged having a couch to sleep on would definitely make my visits more feasible, frequent 090401
...
unhinged but i shudder at the thought of grad_school 090401
...
peyton i don't know why
but
i thought to say hello to you
because
well i think i've always thought you were
special
and i think maybe
i'm very glad
you're still keeping the lights on
090521
...
unhinged my lights have been dimmed in recent months by stress and anger, but all this seems pale in comparison to my early years around here.

thanks
hi
090522
...
past my last few sentences probably seemed rather final. it's that words-reifying-thought thing. i think it's more that lingering sense that if the figurative happens, it's because there was no reply, not because what was proffered was turned down. 090611
...
paste! sorry bout those cavs. are people still trying to get over it there? 090611
...
unhinged no problem past.



all i know is i'm watching the finals and rooting for the lakers which i never thought i would be doing (i have personal abhorrence for kobe bryant). i think lebron's childish behavior at the end of the series might come back to haunt him. but i'm_over_it *shrugs*
090611
...
hsg What happened to your arm? 100424
...
unhinged accident

and a bus i was on six_months_ago got in an accident and ever_since i came back from sf my neck, arm, shoulder, hand feel like they are going to fall off.

i chanted yesterday for the first time in months and the vibrations felt like they were healing me, but when i tried to do the same today the tears tumbled out before i could even try
100424
...
h|s|g i sent u music ...nbloam 110101
...
Doar maybe tomorrow something cool will happen 110720
...
unhinged maybe

in fact, i'm inclined to say yes. hell yes, today something cool is going to happen.
110721
...
D 'maybe tomorrow something cool will happen' 111118
...
unhinged chances are; I'll be staffing a meditation retreat tomorrow ;-) 111119
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from