hey_pheb unhinged i am finally close to being able to breathe again so as i was sitting in front of this computer i thought i would drop you a few lines in the blue. my first semester of graduate school is officially done. i just finished my bibliography project about 20 or so minutes ago. did i ever mention that i_hate_bibliographies ? i have been reduced to apathy hardcore this semester. this project gives me some knots in my stomach cause i'm afraid it's not good enough but the class has been such hell that a bigger part of me doesn't care if it's good enough. i just want to hand the goddamn thing in and wash my hands of the whole stupid stinking business. in twelve hours i will be on my way home to ohio for a month. a much needed month of rest and my niece and my friends. one of my friends might be checking himself into the psych ward before i get a chance to see him but that is a good thing. he has been the object of my dismay lately on blather; the one i keep writing about killing himself and whatnot. at least maybe he will finally get some help but i really wanted to hug him again. *sigh* what did i learn this semester? i learned how to start litttle kiddies on the violin. i learned how to use the library and all its resources. i learned how to write a bibliographic essay. (pointless) i learned how to deal with bitches (maybe not....) i learned how to slowly disconnect myself from the life i left behind. i learned how to do bitch work. i learned how to run a copy machine. i learned how to fix a copy machine. i learned how to break a copy machine. i learned how to organize a children's concert. i learned how to set up stand lights in an opera pit. i don't like some of the things i learned. have you been able to enjoy any modest_mouse ? thank you always for your kind words pheb. lord knows i always need my blather_friends . 031218 ... oldephebe Hey unhinged - I'm really sorry to hear about your friend. At least he's getting the help he needs..a maelstrom walks through these halls bruising the walls..what a fearsome thing it must be to be witness to your own mind coming apart..the despair that comes as you watch a world you thought you'd made or that was made especially for you come crumbling dwon..and so you cast your cares into the crackling flame. I know a little about that. Maybe he'll come through okay, you know? The whole graduate thing in music..shorn of the aesthetic and art and boggled down in the minutia of administration and codification. I hate that stuff. But then someone recently told me I had a strong current of Uranus stream running in my veins. At least when you're done you'll be able to do the thing you love. Sometimes I wish I hadn't changed majors and transferred to another school. I think I'd have been fine touring Europe as a saxophonist/ vocalist with my own quintet. Thankyou unhinged. Yeah sometimes the things you write haunt me, a respite from the desultory dirges I seem to be always tapping out upon the piano and the computer keyboard..the saddest words that ever kissed it's keys.. Whatevah :) I have not been able to find any mp3 files on that group..but to be honest after my first few searches it kinda slipped my mind. I'll click back on to that blathe to get the uRLs. Talk to you soon..really? The old e-mail is oldephebe@hotmail.com 031218 ... pd hey 'phebes. i love you in a non-squirmy kind of silent adoration way. just so you know. love, pipers 031218 ... His Most Holy Donky hey feb, you have left my shrine cobwebby. heart pieces for you brah. . 031219 ... oE hey pd - you're an amazing spirit.. To His Most High and Holy Donkyness - Yes I will be undergoing the rites of pennance very soon, expect some offerings and cleanly scrubbed celestial hay very soon 031221 ... oE pd - um..Sometimes when I'm gasping and coughing and infirmity of the soul and or body is marching, raging up and down in me..I stumble across a few of your words and it's like putting summer and or spring over an endless season of Winter..just spackle on some pd paste and cover with her shimmering wallpaper..yeah..that's right. Thankyou pd.. 031221 ... pipedream celestial hay, woo hoo *nabs a stalk of THAT to chew while she sits on the fence* 031221 ... oldephebe I think that the zietgiest of what i really wanted to convey is better expressed by this:stumbling upon your words are like emblazoning the bare white walls of my duplex with Tibetan thangkas (iconic scroll paintings)..like using a steroidal inahaler and having the symptoms go unabated until someone offers me the regenerative and restorative powers of authentic green tea and some rites of purification..okay maybe that's a little much but your etudes are like an arm upon my sometimes sloped shoulder(s) ... peace... 031222 ... pipedream *sniffs and goes hunting for a tissue* you give me halos i don't deserve; its only me being myself...you move me beyond words. 031222 ... unhinged what's going on with those autumn fire files? 040107 ... pipedream dey burnin'? 040108 ... oldephebe unhinged - I've been waiting for my throat to recover from the flu to record another track..I did try to send it to you at least twice..i think there's a server problem with me from aol going to yahoo..um i've been trying to add some mp3 clips to the geocities site and it keeps coming up check network settings..so..i'll keep trying..I will though heire someone to put together a site with requisite sound clips and more poetry..and such.. "are they burnin'?"..nice one pd 040108 ... pd one of those unconscious things :) 040109 ... unhinged it_ends_like_this left you a message there about checking your email, so yeah; check your email. the one that you don't check. 040605 ... oldephebe Unhinged - Yea, I checked it. I have this corrupted light the vain fallacies the burdens of anxiety but sometimes i read a few of your heart breathing amidst glory and ah the cauldron of a mind where everything is cast into confusion ...well... i'm approaching hyperbole again keep it simple oE ...I guess... I feel you too ... 040606 ... oE here's what i was trying to say unhinged sometimes your words are like the silver stream striding into the silence a sparkling tear dropping like morning dew from an honest childs innocent eye i feel so old inside sometimes..waaay beyond my years sometimes i stumble out of my halo/haven of corrupted light to read your breaths coming like short breaths of broken sighs sometimes it's like holy hands holding my face ... 040607 ... unhinged and sometimes i feel like my words are trite and selfish, meaning nothing to anyone but me. i appreciate the pats on the back pheb. your encouragement makes me smile. smiles are hard for me to come by. i guess we all feel old and cast aside sometimes. 040607 ... oldehebe sometimes, i feel my words are blithe and bitten back with spite, well not not really spite but, yeah open wound in the earth howling at the most pathetic inconveniences, but maybe that's what a true friend is..someone who can look at the ugliest parts of us and still love us and choose to love us by (caution, maudlin and generic sentiment coming)choosing to love the best AND worst parts of us... keep wringing it all out all over us unhinged *big smiley face* ... 040802 ... unhinged i'm still working on copying that shostakovich score...i avoid that place at all costs email me 040802 ... Doar How are you, word brother? 040803 ... oldephebe Unhinged - Will do, and again whatever you get around to copying would be a gift from your considerate heart, so take as long as you need doar - wow, how am i doing? i feel like parts of me are shattered and screaming at one another...but then...there are times when i'm almost peaceful so... thankyou for asking... ... 040803 ... Death a grinning Where are you? I've been tending to the place while you've been gone, but dammit you are out of garlic butter and cheese whiz. Some popsicles would be nice as well. 040825 ... unhinged i finally copied that shostakovich score send me nasty emails on a daily basis so that i am motivated to put it in an envelope with a stamp on it 050214 ... unhinged i just wanted you to know i know how beautiful i am now. i think about you, wonder if you are ok and i hope that you are. i remember when your words were one of the only things to make me smile. so...thanks. 080508 ... daf Yea...that and...where the hell are you man? 080508 what's it to you? who go blather from