zavyman All these years, and I feel a bit strange admitting this, but it has never happened for me. Of course, I don't really mind, but I do certainly feel very different from everyone else now. Ah well, I will see what will happen, last year of HS coming up in a few weeks, see: Maria for what I am talking about. Of course, what I feel and express is probably not remotely close to reality, but I will live and dream, and maybe something will eventually happen.

Sigh. I just hope that I am not living in a dream world; I want to stay somewhat close to reality. It is strange, let me tell you, to be me, as I am sure it is strange to be anyone. I just keep thinking is this the way I wanted to be, is this the way that I want my life to be.

I believe I would make a good boyfriend, given the chance, I just do not know how to get that across. Yeah, HS years really do suck in a mean way, because I would not have really cared about my experiences were it not for the pressure around me. I have avoided it so far, but now something has changed.

Why am I this way?
pyriel a long time ago on a cool november morning

my last year of high school

i was sixteen she was eighteen
a friend of a friend who was hoping to transfer in to our school from the same place the rest of my bizarre little clique had migrated from

we had barely been introduced a couple of days before...
she startled me.

apparently i struck some chord with her
as we sat talking she asked me to close my eyes...i did

she kissed me
it took my breath away

it is a grim reminder of how quickly time slips by

nearly twelve years have passed.

and she, the catalyst of my checquered recollections, i keep hoping one day she'll wander back into my world the way she wandered into it.

but i won't hold my breath.
pyriel the way she wandered into it
the way she wandered out

like a breeze
amy my memory is silly. it was my freshman year of college, couple of months in, and he was over at my dorm room for homework. math. and so when he was leaving we embraced and i decided to kiss him on the cheek (!). i didn't have much of a battle plan, beyond that. and then he turned his cheek and began to kiss me, with tongue too, and i didn't expect it, and so i drew away and mumbled something about never having done that before. i think he kissed me again, for a little bit and that was it. so shy, i am. 000809
ducky On the way to see the fireworks with a familiar friend.

He remembers that he has to go to the liquor store to buy tequila for the party afterwards.

He parks his Volkswagen in the parking lot under the neon sign that says, "ice cold beer".

Me, bored as hell saying, "hurry up, we'll miss the fireworks and then we'll never find your friend'..........."

I think we missed the fireworks that night.

And lets just say tequila never tasted the same again.
typhoid foolish me.
i can't remember.
Q Sweet still, and, oh, so long ago!
She, a senior in high school,
I, a sophmore, barely shaving.
Both geeks.
Yes, geeks definitely know how
(I learned then most deeply,
in a very holy place.)
An amazing woman, even then.
An amazing story.
Hardly a day goes by
without my wondering
and wondering...

C 2000
moonshine elevator 000809
jennifer did I have one?
did that day it snowed
and mark didn't make it
to state convention
and I called him 4 times
from the payphone
at school,
did that count?
january 22nd
did her kiss,
was it real?
I can still feel
her warm lips touch mine
did it count?
or am I still missing out
19 years strong?
silentbob Alicia
a dark hallway
finally alone but just for a moment
she pulls me over and shows me the secret that id always wanted to know
roxy tasted like the dr. pepper and sour apple gum we bought after a bad, bad concert. 16 years old, in the back of a car, i pounced on jeremy cook. our japanese exchange student was sitting in the passenger seat. 000810
Tank mine sucked. i didn't even want to do it. we were both 13 and we shared the same birthday. my friend dean made me do it. i can't really remember the feeling, but i must of been disgusted, for immediately afterward i went and smoke the first cigarette of my life. (an unfortunate addiction i am still having an affair with 12 years later.)

advice - don't do it unless you want to and it makes you happy. (that was a customer service announcement from the department of humanity.)
trakie it was beautiful and sweet and everything in between. so why is the memory i should treasure forever the one i try to my hardest to forget? i hate myself for my love. 000811
shiva we had held hands
in the dairy aisle of the grocery store
my first 'date'

the last time i saw her
we were new friends
and now we were together again
for the first time in months
i looked back and watched her
savoring every moment
of our limited time together
and then it hit me
holy shit i said
that beautiful girl is mine
i thought maybe forever

we rode in the van
my parents drove
(we had stopped to see her)
and we went back to her apartment

would you like to see my house?
and meet my friend?
she said
and i said of course
so we walked inside
my parents waiting in the car

she knocked on the door
but no one was home
so we stood there
facing each other
in an empty hallway

we each babbled something
and stared at each other
and me at the floor
i never felt so strongly drawn
or felt the urge to hold and kiss
until that moment

and i said to myself
do it
kiss her
she looked so beautiful

and the moment came
and the moment went

she put out her arms
and i held her in mine
we walked out the door
said goodbye
and i drove away

if i had my life to live again
i know exactly what i would change
shiva wow that was long. 000916
jennifer the_4_in_the_room
thankfully so
unhinged he was hitting on me all day right in front of my father...bad idea mark.

he asked if i wanted to go on a walk. i was fifteen and had just started my junior year in high school. the funniest part about it was i was fast approaching my 16th birthday and so desparately didn't want to be "sweet 16 and never been kissed". we were sitting in the firefighter room watching jerry lewis raise money for his sister and all of a sudden both of us stopped breathing and he reached up and kissed me. it always makes me smile to think of it...he wanted to kiss me all day and my little brother kept wandering in and out of the room and we were both nervous and when we kissed goodbye it was something i thought about for almost three years.

the first time i ever kissed my first real boyfriend (that looks so sad to think of HIM as that) we were in the cheap theater watching toy story 2. he had made a big deal out of not kissing me until it was right just like he always made a big deal out of everything. he kept complaining about me eating my easter m&ms because they "stunk". i think he was just pissed cause he wanted to kiss me. he asked me if i wanted a tic tac and when i said yes he stuck it in his mouth. i don't think he expected me to go in after it....kissing is beyond anything. it is so human and beautiful. for all he wasn't at least he was a good kisser
j_blue it felt like my first kiss, thats how into him i was. my mouth was dry, and my heart was beating fast. i was shaking and scared. he gratified me.

that was 2 or 3 individuals ago, since then it hasnt been the same. i wonder about him often.
stupidpunkgirl i was so nervous to kiss a boy
why i was i don't know
my first *real* kiss
happened at a punk rock show
::first ave::
he was standing behind me
and i was on the rail
we started talking
and somehow he got his arms around me
i'm naive and it took me awhile to realize it
he held me and then we went and danced in the mosh pit
when it was over, he kissed me
and he had his toungue pierced
and it was perfect
i'm not nervous anymore
unhinged i couldn't help but deny you the first kiss after eight months. you could say it was a matter of principle. hahahaahaha 010116
deb my first one didn't really count,
not really-
his name was john
(for me that says enough)
and he was bowling
while i sat,
waiting for my friend
to finish her game-
he got a strike,
was jumping up and down,
and before i realized it,
he had come over,
kissed me,
and was gone-
deb one night while he was here
or i was there,
i forget which,
my fiance' and i
tried to recreate what
the perfect first kiss
should have been-
and sweet
and innocent
that's what it
should have been...
(but at least
i have that kind of
for the rest
of my life...
twiggie i don't think my first one counts.
i was in kindergarten, and for some reason got it in my head that i should kiss this boy.
everyone was gathered on the rug while the teacher told stories and we sang songs, i don't know how this went by unnoticed.
he didn't want to be kissed, but i didn't care. i was going to kiss him. so he crawled away (couldn't run because everyone was sitting), and i crawled after him. finally he went in between two desks and i kissed him on the cheek.
i'm still friends with him, not good friends, but friends. i wonder if he remembers that. i've had the urge to bring it up but then i decide not to, if he doesn't remember it's his loss.
Bell R Never had one.
does that make me lame...
Yes, Yes it does.
deb no, it makes you sweet-
you're not wasting
something so
(grasping for words here)
uniquely yours
with just anyone-
i don't know-
i think it's sweet
cali j Wouldn't a first kiss be considered with tongue? I was 12 and he stuck his in my mouth and I freaked. I was like.. what the ...My head was spinning I couldn't think. Latter trying to figure out what had just happened. That was my first real kiss. I was so embarrassed by the whole thing that I never spoke to him again. Needless to say I was prepared the next time. 010513
sweetheart of the song tra bong Kindergarten kisses not counting...

This tall boy, dark haired, my best friend for a year. Met in the summer between peeling white birch trees. I loved and longed for him all fall while we were apart. He crushed me when he came out of the closet in the winter. Spring didn't make it go away.

And then in the summer, we were thrown together again between the birch trees, under a pale gold sun. We were sitting on the yellow gate dividing the girls side from the main part of camp. He had me close in his arms and we were watching boys walk by, rating their looks together. Then all of a sudden he looked at me and laughed and pulled me in closer. And for a split-second our lips were pressed together. A work of art. All our friends laughed their heads off and I blushed bright pink but smiled the rest of the month.
Tristan Salvation. If a first kiss isn't flawless, it's not worth it. Wait and remember it forever. 010513
Casey I haven't had my first kiss. I have not expirenced the emotions that come with it during and after. 010609
nocturnal ya know you don't have to worry about any of that messy stuff if you do it drunk. that's the best way if you ask me. 010609
CinnamonGirl oh yeah I love being drunk (the part BEFORE I puke)
it makes me attracted to everybody and a little happy for a while
the problem is that after that I'm not attracted to all the people I kiss....
and they wonder why....

my first kiss (again, kindergarden doesn't count) was perfect, physically and sucked emotionally. it was in a rock club called "legandery", I was 14 he was 18.
I saw this good looking, long haired guy (I have a weakness for guys with long hair) so I started talking to him and he was really nice and all and then we just kissed, it was pretty good, I can definitely say he was a good kisser, too bad I never saw him again since then though everytime I go there I hope to see him still
black-dyed gel product My first kiss was AFTER the first time I fingered a girl. That was an odd evening. 010610
nemo i kinda wish i would have saved mine until i met you 010612
kingsuperspecial it's certainly something you can't practice on your own.

Well, it probably started with a proud mama and papa back around may 1970, then
I had a scary first kiss in 6th grade,
a heady frist kiss in high-school,
kissed a girl down there sometime not too long after that
flirted with the kiss of death in '99,
but I have yet to enjoy the first kiss
of the love that will last the rest of my life 'cause she ain't around (yet) and I hope to someday start the cycle all over again and plant a big wet one
on a crying new face I'll call my own.

how's that for thinking too much?
baby satan works for me. 010612
kinkazoid the first time i ever kissed a boy he said that i bit his tounge, yet i didnt bite his tounge he like jammed it into my teeth there was no bitting, in order to bite you have to use both top and bottom sets of teeth, it was only my top and it was his fault. i hate stupid people.
my second kiss, the boy BIT my lip..hard to explane but it was a real bite, top and bottom
black-dyed gel product the funniest line on the simpsons:

"you kissed a girl! that is so gay!"
florescent light My very first kiss was when I was 16, in the 11th grade.
Rich was 6'4, and I am 5'3.
He had a tongue ring.
This was before peircing became popular.
He was a horrible kisser- just kept shoving that thing into my mouth.
He always tasted like Coca Cola.
yoink wasn't until 10th grade

pretty worthless.

we played with a mint for a second or two, then continued watching rescue 911.
mistaken first kiss with him
asked him to speak french
he did
wouldn't tell me what it meant
kept asking
said "i can show you"
and kissed me,
then said
that it wasn't exactly what he had said.
he said "can i have a little kiss?"
and i guess i gave him a slightly larger one...

first kiss ever...
was my rapist.
silentbobfuckyou He was her first kiss.
not me.

peyton I can't remember.

When I was younger in school, (like 5th or 6th grade) I hung out with the group that thought it was cool to act older than we were. Soooo...

I can remember real kisses in 5th grade. I can remember 4th grade too.. Tongue and all.. I was nearly molested when I was in 4th grade by some older girls. I didn't even know what puberty was.

I wish I could recall.. I think someone stole my innocence, and they were so stealthy, I can't remember their passing..

But kissing will never lose its luster..
Alex Love, and insecurity, and happyness all combined into one pure moment.

you'll never know when it happens...but it happens...and it's reality at that moment about how u and ur girl or guy feel about eachother. pure reality.
MollyGoLightly i was in rozelle, and telling a friend about my first kiss:

"it was in a health food store. he asked me if he could and i said yes, and we kissed. my first french kiss was in a phone booth while my best friend watched."

his face drew up in disappointment and he said:

"oh, so your first kiss wasn't even a proper snog?"
sykoze romance sucks
suck my big toe lovebirds
and just my big toe
or each other
or... nevermind
bijou it's not like the movies, kids.

i was sixteen, i belive. i was using drugs heavily and i was still wearing braces on my teeth. this guy must have been twenty years old. we were at the spillway, this dam over the lake covered with graffitti. it was nice, i suppose. i got bored rather quickly and after a few minutes i said okaythats enough. and we left. he never called me but i see him all the time at the bigger concerts.

the best kiss i ever had was from a younger guy. i was only a little drunk at a party at my house and my roomate came in my room and he said "im sleeping here, there's someone fucking in my room." and i'm like yeeah okay. and we were laying there and he was telling me stories and i was laughing in my usual loud, appreciative laugh. and he kissed me so slowly, so sweet i have been sitting here at the keyboard with my eyes closed trying to describe it and i cant.
Aimee I was 14. This dashing young man gave me the sweetest softest kiss at three am while my oldest brother watched out the window. *sighs* back before life got complicated... lol 010803
TalviFatin ...I was 13. In the back of a car with some guy I dont remember. All I could remember thinking was "that was it...? christ..what a waste of time" But...come to find out he sucked. 010803
i hate him my first kiss SUCKED. it was devoid of everything I wanted it to be. it contained no passion, no fervor, no NOTHING. i want it back, 'cause he sucks. he ruined it. 011003
Photophobe Lying head to head on the beach, we 'somehow' ended up mouth to mouth.

she tasted like mcDonalds, and was an awful kisser. I'm sure I was too.

Met her again this year, and we're both much beter.

She doesn't taste like mcdonalds anymore.

But now we're just friends again. Which is, strangely, fine with both of us. I wouldn't have thought it possible.
Photophobe_Underwater before that... I don't think of pre-pubescent kissing as being real.

I don't like to think about it... repress it I guess.

I'm over a jake's house, and his older sister shows us how to finger her.

Later I show a girl in my class. I don't even remember her name. We lay in the drainpipe and explored each other. But we weren't old enugh. Its was just exploration. Not sex or love.
shiva tee hee
it is fun!

(i hope it stays that way?)
silentbob dear 'i hate him.'

i wish you were who it sounds like you are.
ClairE I was thirteen and he was a sophomore (!) in high_school and I was so excited because he was the first guy to desire me

he was friends with my best_friend and I walked into her living_room and he was sitting on her couch
and oh so good_looking

and i was so young i probably blushed
but i had big tits already
and the next day lisa told me luis had told her he had dreamt about me

and then he shows up at our homecoming game full of funny stories
my mother comes down the street from our house to the football_field and makes up a lame story about wanting to see the game

afterwards we go to annika's house
and we're all paired off before we even get there
and he and i made uneasy but thrilling conversation in the deli
and at her house
under her loft bed (where lisa was blowing the boy who would become my lover for over three years)

we kissed

and it was so nice.

He still calls me awesome.

introduces me as such.
and i him.
whoknows i was 11 and it was nothing special. my first meaningfull kiss came 3 years later when i actually really cared about a guy for the first time. 011203
Trinity "why are we still acting like we're 'together'?"

"because I'm attracted to you."

"What would you say if I kissed you right now?"

"Well, I don't know, seeing as how it's a hypothetical question, I would hypothetically enjoy it."

"I don't mean it hypothetically."

"So you're asking permission to kiss me?"


"well I think I would rather like it if you kissed me."

*sighs* then he kissed me and hasn't let me go yet. :)
little monkey zavyman, your story sounds exactly like mine. :( Seeing everyone's storyies and wishing I could share, yet can't. 011203
niki still waiting.... 011204
rockmyworld was worthless...

then i left behind the two years that i spent waiting for the feelings i feel now...

and every emotion i've ever had has been heightened and made wonderful somehow because of him

he. RoCkS.
niki waiting no more. 020109
CheapVodka i don't remember that bad? 020110
carne de metal she was faster than I was; made me suspicious. 020206
kill rhythm i was 16 before i got my first kiss. 4-22. i remember it like it was yesterday. i loved him for almost 7 months, but he never knew. then, thanks to my friend who will remain nameless, he turned around to the backseat of his car, where i was, and kissed me. i almost died. i couldnt believe it ever happened. after about 7 months of going back and forth and all kinds of confusion that is too painful sometimes to bring up, we are together, and have been for 4 and a half months. its funny how things turn out. 020328
lady lunchbox it went like this.... i was 14 at the time, and i had been going out with the same boy for almost 3 years at this point. (yeah, it's sick, i know.) one saturday, his mom dropped us off at the mall, and we went to see "beavis and butthead do america." well, let me tell you....*there* was one romantic first kiss!

ok, sucked, and it was the most inopportune time for a first kiss. i believe it was the part in the movie where beavis is having his little psychadelic trip. *sigh* that was definitely not a date movie. and that was definitely not a good relationship.
distorted tendencies My first kiss with Steven, he just leaned over.. and it was perfect. 020329
girl_jane how 'bout another 020329
pralines&cream Our first kiss was sweet, and far from "perfect" ...
our tongues didn't know what to do,
and teeth - what to do with those?
We were unsure,
knew we wanted to, but inexperienced,
didn't know how to go about it.

Now we've shared a million kisses.
One for every thought
and laugh
and happy future day.
Syrope mine was all wrong. i was babysittin for these kids, and their older brother is my age. he's a lifeguard (yes, he's hot lol) and it rained that day so he came home after closing down the pool and we were just hangin' out. i didn't really like him, i was just flirtin. i dunno what happened, i just looked up to see if he was horrified or what..and bam. lol i had my braces then, and i wasn't expecting the kiss, but more than that i wasn't expecting tongue. yuck. i had no clue what was going on, and after kissing him more carefully since then and kissing other guys, i know he's just a bad kisser, but wow. within the week i got my first consented kiss...complete with suspenseful pauses just before our lips touched and shaky hands. we had just gotten out of a pool :) (not the one the first dude worked
my first kiss with any guy is the one i remember if just glad more of them have been pleasant than not.
good people just cuddling a bit, kiss on the head. then a goodbye kiss on the lips. 020414
kill rhythm in one week it will have been a year since our first kiss ever...and now im back to being his "little sister"

piso mojado sitting in the circle, talking about les miserables,
its was just like breathing: the conversation went on without skipping a beat.
gatorbabe with the right amount of suction and pressure. sweat and a light cologne. doors locked. against the wall and then still on the bed with people right outside and the music playing loud. 020429
stork daddy when you're as bad a kisser as i am...every kiss can feel like your first kiss 020429
blue star I was drunk and horny. It wasn't that great.... but the guy's a total druggie and he's probly in jail... so I guess it really doesn't matter. I don't think it counts, except to maybe make me less nervous about it? except for the whole never-done-it-sober part.... damn.

I liked kissing his neck better anyway.
kerry mine was lame. first kiss was with one boy pressed up against my locker, and it went by so quickly. then, my first french kiss was with the same guy exactly a year later, jammed into the stairwell freshman year of highschool... it was wet and rainy outside and we just kind of dropped our stuff on the ground before he leaned in. i remember the feel of his arm snaking around my back and pulling me in tight.

it's too bad i can't stand him now, and it's too bad he was such a horrible boyfriend.
by the way, how can you tell if you're a bad kisser or not? i probably am, knowing my luck... hahaha.
Freak My first kiss was on a picnic table in my best friends back yard. Nothing special. I was just waiting for him to work up the guts to do it. When he finally did it was just a little peck out of no where that I wasn't even ready for. Then he went home. 020508
bethany i swear i already said this but i am compelled-

on a bus in 3rd grade going home on a spring day
the sun through the leaves shined on the brown seats making them somewhat better to look at, and the two children left only had one farm length left to get this over with
just a minute before nate had asked annie if she wanted to be his girl
she said yes
he went on to tell her about being his girl and that we'd have a big house and hold hands on the bus everyday
my big decision came when he said we'd have to kiss once for a boy and twice for a girl
i said i wanted both
so he kissed me once
i saw the busdrive looking back at us in that huge mirror and scurried to the other side of the seat carful to still be holding his hand
then his stop came
he walked over me and just before he could say see you tomorrow i grabbed him by his backpack straps and laid the third gil and boy giving kiss on him
Kate The Valentine's day before my 14th birthday. We had been "together" off and on for over a year, in our 8th grade low caliber relationship. Before it happened, we would always talk about where our first kiss together would be. We'd plan it, in the band room, on a "date" somewhere, but it never happened, until my birthday. I thought that he had kissed a girl before and I think he thought that I had kissed a boy before. All day I was expecting it, I told my best friend at the time, Danielle, about my worries and excitement. Afterschool, I went to the library and found him sitting with his friends. Our eyes met and he stood up and once we were into the hallway, I asked him "Where?" and he led me outside between the exit at the end of the science wing and the M&M, and then we just kissed, with tongue. I had no clue what to expect, but he was a good kisser. I think I was too. Nothing weird happened like noses colliding or biting, it was so natural. The doorway opened and he stopped kissing me - Danielle and Lisa Marie peeked their head in but I don't remember hearing them or the door. Then we kissed again, long and hard. And Mr. Hirshman stepped out of the M&M and walked towards us and we stopped and he gave us a smile and I swear he said, "Have fun kids". I thought he was going to beat us and call our parents, but he just walked into the science hall. Then we kissed again. Even though I have less than fond memories of the rest of the relationship and that boy, it was a nice first kiss. 020511
kerry that sounds very similar to mine...

all planned, secretive at school, etc.
Adyana my first
with a certain guy.
not my first ever,
but still great.
we kept it secret.
I still love him though.
cheer-up-emo-kid t'was with my first [and maybe only] love.
it was new years eve when I was 13.
we layed outside in the parking lot for 3 hours looking at the stars. it was wonderful. we talked about anything and everything.
it was cold... and he held me.
then at 11:59 it happened. we were watching the ball drop and I turned around to say something to him and I finally noticed how utterly beautiful he was. so I leaned in and pressed my lips against his.
it didnt even make a kissy noise.
beorn My first kiss
to whom i am forever in debt
and to think, i so sillly
that the day after i felt regret
phil I gave a guy his first kiss, blushes 020609
princess my braces cut his lip 020610
shivermetimbers my best friend and i got our first kisses in the exact same our friend's house on the top bunk of her old bed. not planned at all, just ironic. except mine was a few months before:) ha! 021209
Rhin i fucking hate you! 021210
miss empathy Laying in his lap in the movie theatre. One of those seats that you can pull the armrest up. Obviously installed so moviegoers can make out in them.

His hand brushed my lips and he tilted my head up and we kissed.

A couple of weeks later, I still smile when I think of that.
niska out of nowhere, and led to everywhere...

it wasn't my first, but my first with you. all i can do is re-play it in my mind, and it's still catching me off-guard.

you were amazing for that moment. thank you.
Rotten77 When I was 15 I decided that to be sweet sixteen would b the lamest thing in the world. Luckily, I found someone to save me from that terror. I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. He was really really hot. I mean it, one of the hottest guys I've ever kissed to this day. I was really nervous. He was spouting cheesy lines at me, like if I looked at his space heater I could see a heart. Lol. I could tell he was gonna kiss me and I kept making sure I wasn't in the right position, til I finally got the guts and just let him do his thing. It was sloppy and wet and I just remember thinking: if this is what kissing is, I'm not sure I wanna do it anymore. Several guys later I realized he just sucked. Thanks a lot! It should've been a beautiful moment! Every girl dreams about her first kiss, right? But I've had so many good ones since then that I forgive him. 030427
Eowithien ::taps toes patiently to soundtrack of "The Matrix Reloaded"..... waiting...::

Oh me, yes, still waiting. Yes, why do you ask?
DavesHeroinGirl I think, in long distance relationships, it gets to be this special each time you meet. 030519
megan the first real physical peck...
and with a guy i had "dated" for about 2 hours. i was in eighth grade. the "relationship" ended a week after.
the first real physical and emotional peck...
with a guy i dated for 6 months, during eighth grade and the summer thereafter. that's about all i have to say about that one.
the first real physical and emotional kiss...
i count this to be my first. the man i'm still with, have been for over a year and a half for, and always will love, was this one.
love you, puffycloud.
jane my first kiss was just an excuse for him to feel my breasts 030519
thinkertinker my first kiss was at the school bbq at the end of the summer term. I was staying on a year ahead and was 12 and she was 14 and leaving for america the next day. I'd only been at the school for a year and I'd known her that long but I never fancied her, she never appealed to me and we rarely talked. I stole one of my dad's beers and we went and sat on the pavillion steps in teh evening light. I was about 5'4" i spose and she wudda bin 5'0": she was short but she had a smile that made your eyes unfocus and she had light brown hair down to her waist. We talked and giggled and feeling slighty bouyed up by the beer our eyes caught for teh first time. I swallowed hard. All i could see were her huge brown eyes, with all of my own insecurity, excitement, and apprehension mirrored in their depths. I felt myself falling towards her, my heart was echoing in my ears and my chest and i could feel my ears burning.. i put out my hand to steady myself and my shaking fingers danced across her thigh. our lips caught and i felt a shiver down my spine as she sighed a little and slid closer to me, never taking her eyes from mine, following my lips as if mesmerized. I leaned slowly forwards and our lips touched again, i felt her mouth open as mine did and ever so gingerly the tips of our tounges touched each other. I don't think ive ever had many explosions like that since, last year my then girlfriend who i hadn't seen for 2 months held me tight and whispered shakingly that she missed me, that came close to the feeling, the release of pressure from inside, your heart leaping up your throat that feeling where you want to do nothing more than jump up and down and scream and grin and cry...I don't know what I'd do if i forgot. 030725
Fire&Roses Tenth grade end of the tear... June 9th. Fun Days was at the park and he asked me to go. We hung out the whole night rode the rides watched the fire works and avoided any close contact like it was the plague. It was late... around eleven or so, we were hanging out near the playground I was hanging from the swing set by my knees and he was sitting below me talking to me. He thought it would be fun to swing me... give me a little push. He did I went backwards and the forward... my head slamming into his chin like a semi would a beetle. He bled... alot. We slowed it down with his shirt and he began to look like the emergency room on the fourth of July. So we decided to sit... I sat indian style with his head in my lap pressing his shirt to the wound. It was his idea to switch places, but I complied. And I'm looking up at him and suddenly it's not so esy to pretend we're just two friends hanging out at the park. He looks down at me "What do you want?" he asks... whispering... gently. I stare at him, terrified. I have wanted nothing more then to kiss this boy since I met him and here's my chance all I have to do is say, "a kiss." and it's mine... it took forever for the words to break lose, but I said them and he kissed me. Softly everything a first kiss is supposed to be. We did it again and then I felt his tongue on my lips. Instinctively I opened my mouth... my first kiss. 030725
celestias shadow mine doesn't count. it was a dare and i had broken up with him 3 months ago and it was in middle school, where no relationships are real. and i didn't even like him. i pulled away as soon as i could.

that will never count.
jezabel so dangerously close to the second 030903
who i am doesnt matter anymore the second week we were together, the first nite we stayed together over nite. i was half asleep, you where sick. you told me u wishd u werent sick, then asked if i cared about getting sick and i mumbled a no. then the next thing i knew you drooled on me and by the time i realized you where kissing me, it was over. and i hated it, i never wanted to kiss again. but we did, and now i cant stop. my lips love to be against your skin. 031020
nomatter mine wasn't so great, so i like to skip it over and consider mine and travis' the first. it was lovely. in the church, at night, alone. he was standing above me on the steps. he pulled me in and said that he was losing sleep over me. we kissed long and hard. i wanted more. 031021
phil on the lips, it felt strange
it was kind of blunt
and not wet at all
it didn't feel soft and warm at first
like lips are now
they didn't melt together
they just bumped
then someone wanted a tounge in
and someone else didn't have a clue
but then someone got bit and it was on for about a full day
Shadowfax The first time I kissed her, I knew I wouldn't be the same, I was shocked... and I miss it... 031211
crimson In her basement on a mattress, I kissed Kate's older brother when I was 9. It lasted a good half second. 031212
on the road wonder if it is? Just got it last sunday. I didn't even know him. Just hi-bye once or twice in univ. There is some guilt, cos I was saving it for someone special.

Turns out he is someone special. The most awsome guy I met so far. Just so happens he can't be mine. At least not yet.
I'm glad it was him I kissed and not some loser. Even if I never see him again.
your guardian angel everyone is born a good kisser, stork. it's having the wrong partner, that makes it bad. the right one shall appear shortly.... 040208
delial him: "I saw a bumper sticker today, thought it was kinda funny. It said: "Kiss me, I'm confused! Weird, huh?"

- a minute or two go by while I make up my mind -

me: "...I'm confused!"

I'm still surprised it worked. I was so shocked I almost fell off my bed.
emmi it was evening at the education campus i was volunteering at and he had come to see me one last time, secretly because everyone except for rupa disapproved of us, and i walked with him in the tropical heat to where the gravel road led to the threewheeler parking spot. he had brought a friend along, who would sometimes go a little ahead of us while we stumbled down the stone steps in the dark hand-in-hand and paused to whisper to each other and listen for any sounds of people we knew coming close. i wore a long black skirt and a black blouse with orange flowers on it, red hair up in a bun. he put his hand on my waist on my skin and i closed my eyes. no one had ever done that before. he gave me crystal earrings in a brown paper bag. it was almost completely dark when we got to the road, and he pulled me close. i embraced him and i wanted it to last, having waited what seemed like so long. the kiss was short, but i was grateful (or naive). we said our goodbyes and he disappeared into the dark. i made my way to the porch where i sat down with a few girls. they were polite, really polite, but i imagined what they might be thinking, seeing me appear from the dark like that, mostly in black, my face still glowing. anyway. we were such young lovers...romantic to the max...but oh we had a lot to learn. 040223
quotree "The kiss originated when the first male reptile licked the first female reptile, implying in a subtle, complimentary way that she was as succulent as the small reptile he had for dinner the night before." -F. Scott Fitzgerald 040412
viator something to be dreamed about
something you keep with you forever
oh how i wish that my first kiss was not in text
Borealis I'd almost rather, my first, had been in text 040702
blah-ze i see why people want to remember, i want to forget 040703
love & hate It wasn't my first kiss, but it was the first kiss that meant the entire world to me. One of those heart stopping, world changing kisses that seem to good to be real. It was with her, my Katie, on her bed, i was in love, i still am in love and that first kiss plays on my mind constantly, as with all the ones which followed. That is all i long for now, to taste her again, my love, the bitter sweet taste of love. 040703
pete I was three or four. We were engaged, and about to be married so we decided to kiss before we were married. She gave me a Snoopy sticker, he was wearing a top hat.

the next kiss...

I was sixteen. It was with the her cousin, the December 23rd I think (using Christmas as a reference point). We were in my basement playing pool. It was a really really bad kiss.
equanimity? If only it hadn't happened that way...caught up in the emotions, not thinking of the consequences. It wasn't the first kiss, but the first one that meant something... now I hate you for hurting me the way you did, and I don't know if I can ever truely forgive you. Because every time I see you I think of that time, and it tortures my soul. 040723
JustOnMonday I am 17 years old and I just had my first kiss, Friday. I can tell now that is was worth waiting for. We were standing by the lake, holding onto the railing. The moon was at last quarter, big, and yellow. While we watched it reflect off the lake water, he explained why it was yellow. He held my hand, which I guess made me shiver. He stepped behind me and wrapped his arms around me, trying to keep me warm. It worked. He kissed me on the cheek and then pulled away. All I could do was smile. "Is that all right?" He asked. I just mumbled, "Um, ya," like an idiot. "So if I were to do it again you would be all right with that?" I nodded. He leaned in a kissed me. I mean really kissed me. At first he gave me a peck, then he opened his mouth, and then he used the technique the French are famous for. He was great, I was bad. The entire time I was lost. At first I was too busy worrying about what to do. Then I got used to it. Then I just enjoyed it. I opened my eyes while we were kissing, it really was perfect. 11 o'clock by the lake, in the moon light, at the park where we swing. I was scared, but loving it. My feelings went from uhh, woah, oh, then mmm. I later broke into laughter, confessing that was my first kiss. Since Friday night, I have had a lot of practice. 040905
globalfruitbat It was the summer of 99, the summer before grade ten. I had gone to Denmark on an exchange that summer, and while I was away, the boy who I had had a crush on all year was writing me letters and e-mails. When I got back, we started "going out, actually going out, boyfriend girl friend going out, ohmigod!" (actual quote from my journal...)
When the girl with whom I had been staying in Denmark got to my town, there was a beach party. The Boyfriend picked us up at my house and we walked to the party. I'd never been to a beach oarty before. It was his group of friends, so they were alla year or more older.
It was a perfect night--a full moon and a still sea. We were standing on a landing of the concrete steps that led down to the beahc. He was sitting and I was standing between his legs. He had his hands around my waist and he leaned in and said "I'm going to kiss you now." "Ok" I wishpered back and he kissed me.
It was amazing and it seemed so natural. Five years later, I still remember the smell of his gum--that tropical trident stuff.
lisavilisa I was 17 and going to be 18 in 3 days.
He asked if I'd ever had a boyfriend, I told him, and he said couldn't believe I hadn't been kissed.
When I dropped him off at his house he asked if I'd like a first kiss asas birthday present.
I said "okay".
It was peck, because I did it all. He'd said he'd call but I don't care,
I was glad to finally experience it.
I considered it one of my best Birthday presents.
on the road It was the one where I decided I didn't want to keep my eyes closed. So I indicated him to open his too, and we kissed, and gazed at each other.

So many times, it'd happen, we'd just stop talking and just gaze. That was more intense than kissing.

I will miss him. I rarely miss people.

"You are an amazing woman and I will miss you but we will meet again"
Incubus I certainly hope we will, under far more pleasant circumstances than my name suggests.

With eyes wide open is best.
jennie we can choose ours.

how do you want it?
ibu how? 060309
jennie under the stars, hiding in a corner, in the dark, warm, cold, slow, fast, naked, wet, wrapped in blankets, laughing, weeping, by ourselves, in front of, leading to something, an end in itself, from words, silent, eyes open, eyes closed, mouths closed, tasting of chocolate, tasting of nothing, happy, sad, bewildered.

or do you want it organic, unplanned, as it happens, when our control slips or we decide to believe him?
jennie eyes open, stading in the second floor hallway of Sanborn, sweating, coat on, breathing heavy, on my toes, helpless.

i'll take it
oren It_was with a beautiful girl named Lady. It felt so warm and full of promise. 060311
flowerbed on a cloud wonders if she is really missing out 061114
androgyne last night

a coupla genderqueers... a gorgeous flirtatious lady on the arm of a shy guy looking completely smitten

straight on the surface, but so, so, so queer
girl-dressed-as-guy with guy-dressed-as-girl and who gives a fuck, straight gender roles because he buys her a drink, the heels hurt her feet

and we're fucking up pronouns tonight, baby

he's nervous... asks her to dance (loud loud music), and then suddenly they're sweaty bodies pressed together hands all over everywhere and
she runs her hands through his hair kisses him
and he mimics and isn't sure what to do, but goes along for the ride
hopes he did ok

they separate, socialize a little, and he blushes and is flustered, as his friends wink and he grins helplessly like holy shit I can't believe this is happening to me...

leaves with lipstick on his cheek and a phone number in his pocket

that was my first kiss.
so fucking appropriate :)
rhin he was wearing faded ripped blue jeans, a black kiss t-shirt, black leather boots, and black leather fingerless gloves. his bike was cool. he was a rebellion in every sense of the word. he was everything my parents hated, which is why i ran to him. my boyfriend. i was 15. he was 16. he had pale blonde hair and eyes so icy blue that they almost looked clear. he was so cute. we walked hand in hand up the steps to my best friends house, and sat on the top step. i knew what was about to happen. i felt so nervous and couldn't stop giggling. he finally grabbed my chin and began kissing me. i kissed him back. i remember thinking that it was such a gentle kiss, and not what i expected from him. his breath tasted so sweet. i was proud of myself for not fucking it up. eventually his gentleness is what did him in. i wanted the bad boy, the rebellion. the i don't give a f*** smartass ass kickin' guy. michael portrayed that side of himself to everyone but me. around me he was a soft teddy bear. too soft. i hated that. still, that first kiss rates up there as one of the best. 061119
Emptyness Alive i was complete in love with her and at the time i didnt know she loved me to i had loved her without saying anything but as we lay there in my hammock it was a beutiful day the willow tree was hanging over us hiding us from the house as we lay i just thought that this once what if, what if doesnt kiss me back but then i did it i just lent in a kiss her slowly soft my lips just brushing hers seeking solstice, then she returned that kiss and my world exploded everything was different form that day on nothing would be the same. that was over a year ago 061120
Emptyness Alive i was complete in love with her and at the time i didnt know she loved me to i had loved her without saying anything but as we lay there in my hammock it was a beutiful day the willow tree was hanging over us hiding us from the house as we lay i just thought that this once what if, what if doesnt kiss me back but then i did it i just lent in a kiss her slowly soft my lips just brushing hers seeking solstice, then she returned that kiss and my world exploded everything was different form that day on nothing would be the same. that was over a year ago 061120
unhinged it's been a long time since i felt the need to chronicle this. that i met and touched and loved someone; mostly the touching part. it is hard for me to touch people i love. as i glanced over this page some of the entries reminded me of why. but no_no, this will be a good memory.

it made me nervous to think of touching him precisely because i don't touch people i love; not that way anyways. part of me wanted to devour him because i had been celibate for months. part of me didn't want to be able to lump him in with the vast majority of guys i have slept with. yeah, this was supposed to be a good memory.

there was the initial shock of being face to face and we stood on my porch smoking together. he would freeze now to stand on my porch. we cuddled as well as we could sitting up on the futon. we sat at the table together. but still no kiss. we were like some strange magnets that could deny their attraction, but once we gave in to it we were hopelessly stuck together.

he wanted to take a nap. i wanted to take one with him. it didn't take long before our lips were entangled. so many different kinds of kisses. most boys don't take the time with all those different kinds of kisses.

for the rest of the time he visited, it was like my neck and lips were the strongest magnet and his lips the softest purest metal. even though we didn't have sex, we made love. maybe that sounds cheesy *shrugs* i think lips and hands are better at expressing love anyways.

but, that means a lot to me. not once did he even ask for it. not once did he even try to take my pants off, although i could feel his fingers think about it once or twice.

just kisses. like teenagers again. just kisses.

that means so much to me. i haven't felt magnetized by someone else's desire in so long. i haven't felt complete from someone else's love in so long.
pSyche If I just think about it a little...
I can still taste him on my mouth, I can still feel the way he tugged on my lower lip, the way the stubby hairs on his chin brushed against my neck and made me laugh. I can almost hear him murmuring in my ear right before, asking me if I could decide if I wanted a kiss, or if he should just decide for me. I can feel his hand in mine. I can feel his hand tugging on my chin. I can feel his eyes looking at me, and being okay with the fact that I still can't look back.
My heart is racing, my brain is going to sleep. It's like a dream.
He kissed me.
What happens tomorrow, I don't know.
But there is no way I could regret today, or tonight.
flowerbed on a cloud =) 'twas nice, even though it completely failed =), even though it happend at age 21, 'twas heaven, because it was with you. Thank you Sébas ^_^ 080420
hsg makes_dying_worth_the_trouble

to treat every experience in this life, every emotion, every soul i meet wiTHEnthusiam and awe of a first kiss, th is what i want; to become uncomplacent constantly. to remember i know nothing, that everything i've ever seen isn't what i'm looking at now.

first kiss, then kiss again for the first time. .... for the first time.
flowerbed on a cloud silly naja. 20. 20! 080605
mustard vaccuum

cigarette tasting

half an hour

thought about it for months afterwards
jane ferris_bueller's_day_off 080606
boooooooo precious,promising,not understated just perfect bliss 090220
boooooooo precious,promising,not understated just perfect bliss 090220
boooooooo precious,promising,not understated just perfect bliss 090220
hsg I want to perceive every moment of my life as a first kiss. in its own mode.

It's the first kiss of what that moment is. slightly anxious hesitation but enough daring to do it anyway.

courage to perceive this moment as perfect.
hsg maintaining_courage to be_here_now
like extending a first_kiss into eternity
danny was awkward, tab and slot of mouth and tongue, heads bumping teeth in eagerness at age 19, having no idea what we were doing.

rather anticlimatic and comical just like sex the next year. what? that's it? seriously?
Fishawk Yes, every moment as a first kiss. Maybe I've been taking kissing for granted for a while now. some times when we kiss though, I remember the first time that we kissed and it seems to remind me how to say "I love you" through our kissing, to take time and really feel, express, appreciate, love, admire, be inspired by, the kiss.

So in life perhaps remembering the times of discovery and immense joy we can also become more present and fully engaged and in love with each moment's kiss to our soul.

I am often preoccupied for no good reason, held in place and stubborn with stress over mostly insignificant or already passed things.
Fishawk Yes, every moment as a first kiss. Maybe I've been taking kissing for granted for a while now. some times when we kiss though, I remember the first time that we kissed and it seems to remind me how to say "I love you" through our kissing, to take time and really feel, express, appreciate, love, admire, be inspired by, the kiss.

So in life perhaps remembering the times of discovery and immense joy we can also become more present and fully engaged and in love with each moment's kiss to our soul.

I am often preoccupied for no good reason, held in place and stubborn with stress over mostly insignificant or already passed things.
Fishawk Yes, every moment as a first kiss. Maybe I've been taking kissing for granted for a while now. some times when we kiss though, I remember the first time that we kissed and it seems to remind me how to say "I love you" through our kissing, to take time and really feel, express, appreciate, love, admire, be inspired by, the kiss.

So in life perhaps remembering the times of discovery and immense joy we can also become more present and fully engaged and in love with each moment's kiss to our soul.

I am often preoccupied for no good reason, held in place and stubborn with stress over mostly insignificant or already passed things.
xedla Trying to remember, and failing. More memorable was my first make out session. I had invited him over, my not-boyfriend, my frenemy, for the express purpose of going all the way. I invited him over for ping pong.
I giggle to think of my surprise when he cut straight through the bullshit, and told me that he knew why I had invited him over.
I protested.
It wasn't either or, really. I would have actually enjoyed playing ping pong before we had sex.
But as things progressed, I realized that I wasn't as comfortable with my idea as I had hoped. I still hesitate to mention what was the deal breaker. Hiarious and sad.
So, in the end, it was just a good old fashioned make out session.
Sans ping pong.
Risen Twelve years ago today was our first kiss.

The day it all started. A Wednesday afternoon after school.

We both have such different memories of it.

And I don't mean in the sense that we saw it differently. I mean in the sense that she and I both remember very different times, rooms, scenarios... completely different.

Her version is one which rings with her truth. Me predatory, trying to kiss her, her trying to avoid me.

My version is of her sitting at her desk, and me spinning her around in her chair, and softly leaning in.

Which is the real truth? Is either the real truth?

But the differences are remarkable, and very, very telling.
what's it to you?
who go