excised
unhinged it's hard to walk_away
but once things have been
simplified
eliminated
i start to feel whole again





and those perfect days
feel once again
perfect
clean
unmarred



you sat in the cafe
and watched me eat
i was slightly unnerved
staring down at my sandwich
concentrating
but i couldn't help it
i looked in your eyes
and what i saw there
made me use muscles to smile
that had long been unused
you said
'i am so glad you are happy now;
you used to be so unhappy.
it's good to see you smile.'
it was you
the way you looked at me
the way you haphazardly picked a beer from the long list on the menu
the way you seemed surprised at the waitress's extensive knowledge when they were out of what you picked
the way the sun shined in the wall of windows
exchanging bites of sandwiches
it was mostly you
that made me smile that way
and i can remember how that felt now


cutting bullshit out of your life
can be a long painful process
it's weird the things
that make you realize your own worth
sandwiches
sunshine
smiles
distance
070520
...
unhinged (i can still look in the mirror
and smile
at what i see
far cry from the days
i didn't recognize my own reflection)
090130
...
unhinged i learned a lesson
and applied it with brute force

after i said no to you
i permanently severed a couple other men
that i had ambiguous_relationships with



my life is definitely more quiet
and straightforward
now
150513
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from