dreaming_like_i_used_to
unhinged there was this big chunk of my life starting with my senior year in high school where i stopped dreaming with the clarity and frequency i did before stress stole my dreams from me. it seems to have lasted until recently.

dreams_connect_me_to_you


last night i had a dream i was dating the professor that lives on the corner of where i used to live. i think it's his grey hair and the fact that he pulled a napkin of scrawlings out of his pocket when we were having some drinks together. and the fact that he has a thing for younger chicks. too bad i was friends with his son; that makes it seem wrong somehow. which i guess doesn't stop me from dreaming about it.

and then i had some vague nightmare about running from something scary like zombies...legions of scary things after me that wanted to kill me. i don't remember if i was alone or not.

but i forgot how entertaining dreams can be.
080804
...
unhinged stop_it_stop_it_stop_it


passed out tequila dreams
two boys twisted up in my subconscious
into one trauma
one pressed on me
too strong to push away
held me down
how could i work with bruises on my face?
'i see what game you're playing'
no_no
no game
i say what i mean
no_no
and i couldn't help thinking of the other
when it was apparent he wouldn't stop
thinking
' if_only i was with you'
if_only
didn't you see?
i wish that was the dreaming part
that i could wake up from it
that i wasn't violently used
but he called yesterday
he's either stupid or a sociopath
and it was the other's birthday
so i ran out for some tequila
passed out and dreamed:


the table that used to be my altar was broken. nails poking out, the back coming off like the drawer to my desk that got broken when you helped me move. i tried to put it back together, hold it, put it back together. but when i touched it, it fell apart, irreparable.
080812
...
Syrope instead of being my hero in them now, though, you're the annoying immature comedic relief that creates an irritating situation from which i have to rescue myself.

so much more realistic.
080813
...
unhinged you cut off your dreads. the resulting leftover hair was patchy, straggly. i almost didn't recognize you when i saw you on the street.



i hope everything is ok.
080912
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from