Joana. The systematic gesture
Of keeping your words saved
Has startled me as I read them today
There's a warm breeze in the air
Which asphyxiates and tortures
Your words become illegible
I try to make something out of them
But I can't...
I avoid their real meaning...
But I fight my way through the bushes
And find my reasoning
You wouldn't cling like I do
Which must mean you don't care
I've got two persons here telling me about their problems
Yet they don't even care why I'm not replying
They just type away
The egotistic creatures that they are
Well, dear
You've made me cry
Which is actually a beneficial action for me
Little drops of a strangely salty liquid crosses the skin of my cheeks
My hope has vanished somewhere
Spreading its wings and flying to an unreachable destination
You say your future is bleak
But mine has always been so
Perhaps you're not dramatising
Perhaps this is merely the turning point of a bitter realisation
Will I ever learn?
Does it take much for me to see this is childish dreaming?
Yet I can't see it
Your light is so intense
And it's blinding me
But soon repentance will taunt me
Ripping all of my reveries
I'm tired...
I'm so sorry...
I'll leave now.
grendel refuge in the absinthe 000709
unhinged or the pot
or the muscle relaxers and cheap liquor
blah-ze starting high, to find as time goes by more and more can be seen through the paint over the mess that is me: i need repairs, i am broken, to find out what i hide, people must look inside, and that is the ending

seeing is believing: do i believe all that i see in me? because somehow, when you try the most to disguise it it all comes out, when you try the most to shut it away, the more it finds a way out to destroy you and make you fail: they will not believe you then, no matter what they saw in you

so beneath the surface, can you find my golden heart? i see you watch me and it makes me want to tear out what i can't change, too clumsy to comfort you, too ignorant to notice the source of your pain, but i try

i hate all that i am and all that i do: i lie awake and all i think about is being different, would you miss me when i'm gone? but every time i go to ask, words fail me, my heart deserts me, and i crush that which i feel back inside the cage i long to destroy

would i be running still if i hid away, if i crawled away to lick the scars of wounds gone? do you hate to love me? would you stop my fall or would you understand? i can't adjust to go on, i can't find enough within me to survive, i can't be enough to satisfy, and this is why i fall away

i hope you'll remember me when i'm gone
what's it to you?
who go