depressed_all_day lost i dont even know why. i just took some quinine. quinine is a muscle relaxer it does about the same as strong pain meds if taken in the right amount. 010815 ... l o s t well the quinine kicked in. instead of depressed i feel empty. i feel nothing. this isnt what i wanted to happen. 010815 ... shiva and all night 010815 ... lost howd ya know? 010816 ... lost howd ya know? 010816 ... Aimee I am so tired of breaking up with you in my head! Damn it! I just want it to end and for some reason writing some "dear jon" e-mail just makes me want to wretch, but it's beginning to be my only option cause I don't think i can take it anymore. It makes me physically ill to even think about it now... 010816 ... l o s t well now it's hit a span of 2 weeks. just great.* the sound of sarcasm screams in your ear through my voice* 011009 ... distorted tendencies 'Cause I'm cold, and the weather's down and I can't maul you for warmth. 011010 ... ClairE I don't have the energy to patch up what I fucked up. Why won't you try to heal me? 011202 ... emy i sit around and wait all day for you, wonder if you do the same. your face runs through my mind all day. wonder if you ever see mine? when will this stop? you dont give a damn! i am here and you are there. i was just a thing for you. a thing to enjoy while you were here, something to look at while you were here. but now you are there, happy and free. and LOOK at ME! look at what you have done to me! 011203 ... yours without reason when you look into my eyes this way it is the only thing that ever took the pain away 031028 ... from now on all week, all month, all year, all life 041111 ... f oh don't be so dramatic! for fucks sake take a look at your self ! get a grip ! you have shoes on your feet don't you? yes I have been there, yes i have been depressed . but you must realise...... nobody but nobody (not even god can help you) - just yourself. o.k. so quit the sob story realise what you have. it's not really that hard to listen to yourself. a battle is a battle. but if you don't battle there's no battle - right get me? you are you, you think what you want, you are who you are - don't listen to society. Just remember all the positive things about yourself. the negative stuff is like rotting food, why eat it? 041112 ... from now on you weren't talking directly to me, were you f? 041112 ... unhinged the sun the leaden thought of human interaction all the drugs drugs drugs all of it leaves me with no strength to get out of bed and i can't find myself my way and suddenly it's dark again and the only thing that drags me out of bed is the latent need for some 'normalcy' in my life only because everywhere i look spending my life in bed isn't 'normal' and my arm hangs over the edge of the bed as if only i could reach down and pull myself up and out get up get out counting my last few pennies to buy some pop at the gas station around the corner only because they don't sell alcohol in gas stations in wisconsin brainwashed into the need for 'normalcy' sleeping all day barely standing at night my artificial cocoon what a shame to go to sleep only to wake up again 041113 ... . . 050725 ... spilt_milk or just emotiionally neutral, highlighted by periods of emotional revulsion followed quickly by tight throated escapes from reality and eyes burning with hopes wanting to flee? 050725 ... next to Nobody brought me to my knees and my hands to my throat to feel if the rope was really there 050726 ... nom positive disintegration 061018 what's it to you? who go blather from