dad tazfab 10 years without you. you would think i would be ok now. i'm not. why did you leave? was it because of me? what did i do wrong? why!? i wish you hadn't left me. i don't know what to do..who's left? who haven't i hurt? where's everyone going to? i love you dad, always have..i never stopped looking for you..never...why did you go away, i wish i could see you...and i can't...take care, i'm ok...don't worry about me...tell me it's not true...i'm here, waiting...please, it can't be true...i don't believe mom. please tell me it's not true...it can't... 001213 ... circe mine is a surgeon. he cuts people for a living. i cut people for fun. heh. 001213 ... Dafremen Dad? Mom? What's the difference to me? I would say they are nothing more than empty holes that scar my soul, but that would be a lie. You have to HAVE before you can feel such a loss. You have to have felt the love, before you can know that it is missing. There was no Mom, there was no Dad, there was me...and loneliness, people and pain. Loneliness was my Mom, and I was my Dad and together we protected me from pain and people. My kids have it good, before my first child was born, I was already an experienced father. 010219 ... Lindsey He rakes leaves by the driveway, refusing to glance in our direction, and although I know the windows are not soundproof, I promise myself he will not hear me cry. 010320 ... stupidpunkgirl i asked my mom if we could put my dad to sleep....and she looked at me and said oh emily.... so i asked her if we could at least tie him up with the dog so he'd have a little room to run around...but i wouldn't have to deal with him then. she didn't like that suggestion much better. 010321 ... mike Niggers are bad people wake up and listen to daddy! 010410 ... Teddybear My dad is actually nice It's my mom that's evil 010410 ... fusion My father was always rather abusive. He would have his clear days and his bad days. Where do you draw the line? Where can you say "This is fucking enough?" How do you talk to a drunk? Do you get drunk and communicate in slur with him? Or do you pick up his cane and knock some sense into him? Six back surgeries, and he still can't seem to get it straight.. near death many times, and he can't seem to get it straight.. does he care? He doesn't care for my mother.. he doesn't care for me.. I give less than a damn about the rest of my family.. My grandmother is the person who takes care of me.. my uncle is like my father.. he has always took care of me.. nobody else.. just me, my mom, and my uncle.. but now it's just me.. just me to wander around looking for a door that won't slam shut in my face.. looking for voices that don't sound like his.. trying to find myself in the darkness.. where is my candle? Why can't I see myself? Is it because my father never gave me any help along the way? Have I actually found myself on my own? Is this stream of thought helping me find myself? Where will all this end? When is shit going to get better? I think his psychological beatings are worse than physical beatings.. My father never gave me true love.. he never gave me true advice.. I've found myself on my own.. The sun goes down.. I feel the light betray me.. It's like I'm paranoid looking over my back.. It's like a whirlwind inside of my head.. It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within.. It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin.. -"Papercut" by Linkin Park 010526 ... Casey my dad has this habit of bothering me when I am busy, and not listening to me when i want him to listen. I should put one of those shock collars around him. 010610 ... CinnamonGirl my daddy makes his own cigarettes! and share it with everyone! :) 010613 ... stillsheryl my dad is a dick he's the man who, after you've met, you'd shake your head in disbelief that they're are actually people like that existing in our world the way he treats his family, his wife and kids- would make you cry and it's so hard to comprehend, I know he's an asshole, but he's my dad, and though I have no loving feelings toward him, he's still my dad, and it's so hard to equate that dad=asshole. it's so easy to say it and label it and characterize it, but it's hard to understand it. that I am living with, and have been raised by someone who I would never want to meet or socialize with. someone who I have no respect for. 011001 ... distorted tendencies Pisses me off. Makes me cry. Hurts me. 011001 ... sheryl my dad beat my cat my dad beat my cat and while he is sick now he seems worst this is all my fault I am the biggest idiot for moving back whywhywhywhywhy I have all these emotions swirling around inside of me tingling to my toes making functioning incapable I'm such a freak and a fucking stupid one at that and you know what it doesn't even bother me anymore how many times can you feel the same emotions eventually you become numb 011002 ... sheryl i can't complain because i put myself in this situation i am here on my own free will 011002 ... lost well my biological father is gone. i have no idea where all i know is that he was addicted to heiroine. and my adoptive dad has been dead for about a year and a half now. 011002 ... birdmad mine's been gone for 11 1/2 years as of today it was two weeks after my 18th birthday spent 3 years watching him fight a losing battle with the cancer that was eating his bones he became too brittle to walk and then his body shut down one system at a time over those last two days and the silence was deafening when his rattled breathing stopped the rise and fall of his chest had stopped and when it was clear he was gone, the silence became all-encompassing as we switched off the respirator my mom, my brother and sisters wept openly and each cried on my shoulder, i let a few tears slip, but for all of his chidings about how booys_don't_cry i could not break down until he was in the ground 011003 ... grendel boys_don't_cry 011003 ... Toxic_Kisses The guy whom I wanted to be just like when I was younger, the guy who could do no wrong, the guy I admired infinitely. The guy who abused me, mentally, emotionally, physically, and sexually. The guy who left us homeless, the guy who’s in prison now trying to be my friend, the guy who I've written 5 letters to in the past thee moths only not to get a single reply back. He use to Wright me two to three times a month, and now that I Wright him, nothing. 011011 ... blather word usage check wright==write 011011 ... mightbebipolar my dad is a incomplete human. he is alone and doesn't understand love, God, remorse or forgiveness. he was abused. it makes me sad. i walked on eggshells for 18 years, promising never to forget. i still want to make him proud, but, he'll never get it out of me. 011012 ... mightbebipolar AN and I am incomplete speller. 011012 ... lovers lament "and all the things i can't remember as fucked up as it all may seem to be i know it's me i cannot blame this on my father he did the best he could for me" still missing you after 5 years. 011012 ... lost i love StainD 011012 ... lovers lament isaw them on wednesday at family values. it was amazing. 011013 ... Annie111 Makes me angry because it's like he doesn't care anymore sometimes. He is not the same, he stresses more and is tired, and yells at me for typing at one am on a school night. he used to tickle me until i cried with laughter, and we used to watch the cricket together and make fun of my mom. sometimes i just hate it and i want to fucking, scream. other times i see my old dad, underneath there sometimes. after his long trips when he gets home late smelling like my dad. he is so solid and he keeps us together, structurally, but my mother keeps us together emotionally. we are a happy family most of the time. 011128 ... ClairE I can't even start. 011128 ... kerry my dad and i used to have problems. we're so alike and so stubborn that we'd fight and never make up. my parents made me feel like they hated me. they almost got a divorce over me. 011211 ... AHH my dads a fucking dickhead. his dad was a fucking dickhead. he needs to treat me like he was treated. not abusive physically, but other subtle ways. more painful. his expectations are fucking ridiculous. he says hes disgusted by me. he makes me feel like everything i do is a complete failure. like i'm nothing in his eyes but a waste of food and space and water and heat. the truth is. up til recently everything i've ever done was just to make him happy... to live up to him. been away at school most of my life, by choice. we're not too close. my mom is great though. shes the emotion and love that is family. my dad is structure. strict, stubborn, demeaning, ridiculing...pathetic. but sometimes hes the old dad, the one i love, the kind, supportive one. hes a dick to everyone though so i guess i shouldnt feel all that bad. not a dick , but just a fake. and its obvious at times..or maybe only to me. he has a god complex, thinks hes a fucking genius. i think its all a huge power trip. whenever i'm my own person for a little while (not constantly trying to make him happy by begging him for extra house work to do, waking up at 7am, being a fucking superman version of a 19 year old male) i think hes threatened. maybe a little hurt too since he did it when he was growing up. i just wish he would remember. dont turn into your dad dad. let me be. let me fucking be. and FUCK YOU!!!!!!!! but then i realize hes my dad. is his love worth all this bullshit. i used to think it was. i was his son. his slave. his jr. now i dont know. fuck this shit. fuck him. but i yearn for the love. so i think i may try and kiss his ass a little more, and be his clone once again. ...we will see. 011227 ... Mahayana: Zakah: Sangha Jewels of Refuge father, U fucking incest soul killing bastard father fucker who tore the whole family apart how could you sexually molest your own young children while bathing them, how could you molest your own daughter [my sister] for many many years after you won custody of us from a mother who severally abused & neglected her children, @ ages 7 & 9? how could you betray us like that when we needed you the most, father fucker, than go on to be a so-called 'mister church man' preaching at the whole world, while you still stood watching me sleep at night in my room- you fucker, you sick sick sick fucking asshole father, trying to become a minister at your church ... poor poor sheep dont even know who they are worshiping ... oh your father is so funny, so cute, such a good good man BULLSHIT *you* say that through the years of no sleep at night .. time to go to school .. fall asleep in class.. get bitched at...hide hide hide your body behind the layers .. hate hate hate your body... try to stay away at school as long as you can ... you killed every tiny sense of family i had left ... after mom betrayed us & neglected us the basics of life, i thought you saved us father fucker incest bastard, instead you killed us some more, its sort of like torching 50 year old bones just to make sure their dead [fuck mother, fuck father, no sense of fucking family cuz of you asshole father fucker, you killed that last thread of hope] [[ i dont have a dad, i never did, only a father fucker & that title <