child_elegance unhinged some of them you can tell are new to it their human incarnation language movement peaceful interaction they all elude sitting in a corner silently stunned toddling slowly and unsure beating their playmates over the head with hard plastic even the day she was born there was an old look on her face like she knew this place and wasn't happy to be back (a week late, kicked out by chemicals she fought for 21 hours stubborn even as a fetus some would say) there was always a wiseness beyond her years she struggled to find the source of strange voices craned her neck when she shouldn't have been able to do those things one week old talking in languages no one could understand wisely looking searching brow furrowed at her first football game the noise the violence it disturbed her she quickly became the reincarnation of love lost years spent in places that shouldn't exist she learned the power of touch at a very young age always a wise look in her eye sat down next to me and placed her hand on my leg gave it a pat pat pat barely three she knew even then that i needed reassuring it is not very often that we all exist in the same space flung to the far reaches once a year we can look each other in the face that even in those moments i realize the emptiness that i leave behind it is hard not to feel the cracking of my heart that year barely four she saw the tears well and a wise sadness passed like lightening over her face jumped in my lap and covered my eyes with her hands held them out in front stop child_like all the same 'i have tights on today auntie nicole' and the blue and white dress that matched her blue eyes perfectly poofed out at the skirt and she twirled clumsy in her big feet her long red curly hair hiding her long neck and fragile collarbone i ate her up in kisses 'beautiful, you are absolutely beautiful' she smiled like her mother we sat down next to each other on the fireplace watching the commotion of our family fly past and she rested her little hand on my leg and gave it a pat pat pat 070601 ... DannyH very very good writing. And you can check if you like how often I've said that on here. And you'll find it's not more than a handful of times in five years. 070720 ... unhinged as the munchkins grow so does the wonder *bows deeply* 070720 ... sagsfsgasfg iddttdsnditaqaitwastiyisddac 070721 ... sameolme thank you 070721 ... unhinged i have to admit this blathe was inspired by one of stork daddy's relatively sparse blathes of around the same time, especially the title. my niece is five now. going on 75. she was born at the same time of day that my grandma died. not even in the same year, but i feel an old soul, some of the same love my grandma radiated in that precious child. i get to see her and my nephew owen in about five weeks. i am already so excited i can't stand it. 070721 ... fiano he didn't even like my t-shirt slogans when he came back from having a drunken shag with someone else. He made me sit there and force creativity out of me, it doesn't work like that, you can't force it. I like my t-shirt slogans whats wrong with them? They would have worked, push me, push me. It is time that i did the ones i wanted to do. thehut one was good and the goat one, we didn't do those either. thanks for helping me though, what is it you want in return? people don't do things for nothing you know, "but how about all the help i gave you" you shattered what you did for me when you said that, but you couldn't hold it in could you. nevermind, i do forgive you. 070722 ... stork daddy beautiful 070722 ... unhinged hey_daddy relax breathe you'll do great i'm waiting for your phone call 070722 ... unhinged she gets smarter older she reads (....!) retreats farther into her own little world and it's that special time of year where we are all in the same place like an eyeblink uncle jeff and owen playing pirates 'no owen, you gotta walk like this we're pirates pirates have peg legs' but really because uncle jeff's knee doesn't bend well in the cold mommy daddy grandma poppa watching it all fly past talking about the past, future watching the present fly past i sat down at the kitchen table to watch take a mental picture for the lean times of my lonely life far away and she saw me sitting alone as uncle jeff chased them walked over 'i haven't talked to you in awhile' (such old words for a baby barely six...!) and climbed in my lap her bony butt precariously balanced i grabbed her waist in both arms whispering 'i love you most' and that smile that old childish smile she gave in to my snuggling and laid her cheek on mine 080106 ... oren Thank you, unhinged. 100401 ... unhinged you are welcome dear (i have come back to this blathe often to remember those days when my niece sat near me and gave my knee a pat pat pat she's eight (!) now not so childish anymore) my brain is currently wine addled i have so many words that i will save them for later but i remember those days those specific days encapsulated by the original blathe she is growing into her maturity it doesn't seem so strange now to see and hear the wiseness come out of her like it did back then when her mind was so far ahead of her body that it was startling to hear those words come out of her mouth or that gesture of the pat pat pat i didn't know how important i was until i held that child in my arms that day changed me a literal fork in the road one of those days you look back on and say 'that day made a difference' 020105 100401 ... unhinged photographic_memory i have a picture of that football game her in a bumble bee suit with her furrowed brow uncle jeff in his football uniform on the sidelines holding her smiling on top of my refrigerator everytime i open the refrigerator i see it and smile 100401 ... unhinged wordless_conversations she will be an adult in years before i know it 120824 ... unhinged (she is a teenager, she is taller than me, her voice has deepened (i think she sings alto in choir at church) she's taller than me!!! life is this; children grow. surroundings change, but the love is like an electric current under the surface waiting to be plugged into) this thing with the pat pat pat other children in more recent years have showed me the same affection kindness myielah as a baby she received regular massage from her mommie and her auntie i was holding her big enough to sit on my lap she slipped one arm under mine and around the back the other arm she laid on top and her little fingers kneeded my arm petted massaged from mommie to baby to friend auntie she sat on my lap and knew i needed reassuring a connector in the flow a wide open heart a pat pat pat newborn barely a month old he still needs his head supported he eats every two hours he screams at the dark most nights with the roar of a lion i held him like the little football he is and even he in all his tinyness wrapped his arm around and as i held the bottle to his toothless mouth he grabbed my shirt in his fist kicked his feet in anticipation as he sucked his hand relaxed he looked at me and gave me a pat pat pat 160925 ... unhinged (the light in his eyes when he sees my face, the twinkle that comes from them like a tiny expansive sun in my universe full of dark lonely space...could he possibly remember that day i fed him when he was a newborn? he looked directly into my eyes that day. do my eyes stir memories deep down in his heart? when we video chat he holds the phone close to his face to give me phone kisses and all i can see are those little shining eyes and my own heart flame ignites like a wildfire my angel baby) 180814 what's it to you? who go blather from