danger boy 101 It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr.
Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the
Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue
when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, 'hey
Sweetheart, how'd you like to Crunch on my big
hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?' Well, she
immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and
it was like pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but
grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to
see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It
was all I could do to hold the Snickers and
Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight
little Kit Kat and she started to scream 'Oh
Henry, Oh Henry!' Soon she was fondling my Peter
Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long
before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave
her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if
I was into M&M, but I said, 'hey Chicklet, no
kinky stuff.' I said 'Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a
Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my
Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?'
(What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!)
She screamed, 'Oh Crackerjack, better than the
Three Musketeers!' as I rammed my Ding Dong up her
Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup.
Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when
all the sudden... my Starburst! Yeah, as luck
would have it, she started to grow Chunky and
complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure
enough, nine months later, out popped...
Baby Ruth!
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