girl are a joke
im beyond help like that
i refuse to take something and smile all night
fairydust when i realized that i really had been depressed, i wondered if they would have helped. but i was glad that i did't get them. although the pain was unberable, i learned so much about myself through those eight months of, it makes life a tiny bit easier.a tiny bit. 000326
fairydust when i realized that i had really been depressed, i wondered if maybe they would have helped. but i realized that even though the pain was almost unbearable,those nine months taught me so much about myself that life is almost a tiny bit easier. a tiny bit 000326
Philifledermaus colourful, but pointless, edifices of medical egotism, these serve no function other than to act as a supportive crutch to the (uninformed as to their ineffectual nature) psyche and interfere with future job applications.

begone my easy to swallow friend.
guitar_freak Little pills
don't do shit
constantly drugged
will i ever be myself?
Prozac kid I prefer painkillers... 010509
amam i belive they do help but only to an extent and once you reach a point they only bottle up your emotions until you forget them when all of them come out i believe the best anti depressants however are the ones you dont take orally writing and playing music and stuff like that help me alot more 010608
mmm took paxil, didn't like the ways it was messing w/ my head.. i stoped 2 months ago, i only told like 3 people.. it did lots of crazy shit to me. and it made me pyhsicaly sick alot.. i think i'm better off with out it 010608
dB "take this pill and it will make it all better".
Bollocks to that.
I like my pain. I carry it like a torch. I never hide it. It's a part of me that I will not let go of.
rubydee as always the fingers need lotion
the brain needs a potion
a concoction of paxil, nicotine, and caffeine
self medicated
self medicating
striving for the balance
the rational self fights the induction
of chemical catharsis
preferring the healing sunshine
the critic screams
drowning out the beauty of the ocean
pain in waves
crashing onto the soul
rubbing it raw
tears fight for the surface
sea turtles swim to the shore
salty memories
ensconced in sand
and a fight for normalcy
resumes in the brain
sweetheart of the song tra bong They want me to get on them.
I don't want to.
I'm still not really sure why.
I can do it myself, I keep thinking.
The Truth For thousands of years, humans have survived. Joy comes from within. But is your mind, body and spirit in good shape? All three need plenty of exercise.

And now, somewhere in the dark, a pharmaceutical company is getting rich!

Shhhhh..Don't tell the patients!
baby satan embrace the pain and love it. 010609
rubydee easy to say
if you are nineteen
and have few responsibilities
but being older
and trying to "make ends meet"
seems to encourage the use
of whatever you can find
be it a blathe
a pill
a banana in the ear
hey, whatever
i swallow my pills
and feed my ills
a little something
to keep the voices quieter
so i can get some work done
without yelling over them.
mmm all i need is her, i don't need the drugs 010701
kingsuperspecial here comes my rant:

I was firmly in the "I can do it myself camp" for about 8 years. Over that time I struggled with other ways of fighting my demons, and gradually came to accept a very low standard for what "happy" meant. I warped myself pretty good, and was on the edge more than a few times, the coals of my inner conflicts constantly smoldering and searing. I lost a lot of time, people, and personal growth down various black holes and trips to ugly places. My badge of misery because an end in itself, a reason to not change. Trying to get better' seemed futile, like trying to change the color of my eyes. I had no optimism or belief that life was worthwhile, and changing that mindset was a scary proposition, with no familiar ground and no personal identity. These things combined to paint a pretty bleak future.

Taking an anti-depressant completely changed my life. As time went on and I lost more opportunities to my depression, I became extremely frustrated by my inability to change. The repetition of disaster and disappointment finally overcame stigma and fear of the unknown, and sought help. The therapist suggested and SSRI, and I just said fuck it, and tried it. The drug (zoloft) is pretty mild, but it made some subtle changes in my outlook, sort of turning down the volume on the pain I had felt for so long. This change empowered me to feel in a way I had not though possible - truly optimistic. I was amazed that it was possible for me to feel something different about life. I don't believe the drug alone is enough - I have tried to form a new identity around the new possibilities the drug made available. I have improved my career, gotten away from relationships that were bad for me, and stopped kicking my cats.

To those that point the finger at anti-depressants as "cheating", I say this: There used to be no treatment for diabetes (another chemical imbalance), yet now people take insulin, and lead "normal" lives. They use this drug to survive, and are not stigmatized by using a drug to correct their body.

Drugs alone wont fix anything you have to want to change, and you have to use they opportunity they give to grow. I don't believe drugs work for everyone, and I'm sure a lot of doctors have fouled people up with inappropriate diagnosis and prescription. The same could probably be said for any medical treatment, or even acupuncture or other holistic medicine, for that matter. Still, if you find the right doctor/drug/therapist, and you really want to change, then I see the drugs as a tool. You have to use the tool to leverage your own strength to change, be honest with yourself about why you hurt, what your spirit and you mind truly want, and how to get it.

Also, I don't buy the whole "evil empire" view of the pharmaceutical companies as a simple black and white, good vs. evil picture. Modern medicine, like all the other crazy little parts of our complex global society, have evolved though a long process. There is good and bad in just about everything, and to see only one side is an oversimplification.

Hey, maybe SSRI medication is a crutch. Next time your leg is broken, try getting around without your crutch, and see how productive that is.

okay, end of rant.

vampers i stopped taking mine, again, only this time i dont leave the bottle full, i throw one out everynight since my mother likes to count them and make sure the bottle is going down 010702
// thats what i've been doin for the past few months... i hate my parents, they don't understand that i don't like drugs... any kind of drug. i just don't want to take them 010702
black-dyed gel product matt's gotta take 'em because he's clinically depressed. HA HA! 010702
vampers thats nothing to find funny. depression is a disease. nothing to laugh about. 010702
black-dyed gel product you don't know matt. if you did, you'd laugh too 010702
cheer-up-emo-kid I take zoloft. and when I dont, I freak out. It makes me wish that my friends never forced me into the doctor's office. 020607
blue star Prozac has helped me a lot.

But sometimes it completely deadens any emotion that I might have, barring frustration and/or anger. In other words, I can't really laugh, I can't really cry, and I can't really feel.

I think this makes me miss out on a lot.

I also am torn about reading those books that say "antidepressants trash your brain." Because I know they probably do... but I don't have many options if I want to finish school and come out alive and healthy.

They are the best of things, and they are the worst of things.
Dafremen Waking up in the morning.


My Chevy.

Sleeping on the missus ample bosom and listening to her heart beat.

Warm showers.

Singing my songs..the happy ones anyway.

Howard Jones..most of the time.

B-52s..all of the time.

Watching my kids play.

A good dialogue (read MON-O-LOG) on blather.

Writing poetry..most of the time.

Playing Quake2.

Watching Drew Carey...and Whats My Line?

Paste! (But why the HELL wont he answer dammit?! Drat! Foiled again.)

Reading my own sh*t over and over and over again and trying to imagine what people are thinking as they read it.

Reading KX21s sh*t over and over again and trying to imagine whether or not hes really onto something or whether hes just some nutbag who happens to be spewing drivel that is surprisingly not unlike the truth.

Being surprised with a compliment now and then...or hell lets face it, being surprised with an insult now and then is just as good. (Sporting best devilish grin right now) } : )

A good discussion.
person don't be a martyr

don't say you've been were I am and you understand

don't bullshit yourself saying that it was the drugs, not you that pulled you through in the end

antidepressants kill the person you are and replace you with someone more convenient to society and to those around you

instead of being a hassle or burden on others you're mindless and without ego

don't compare them to insulin, there is a difference between a disease of the body and a disease of the mind

you will never be normal, they will make you numb, without creativity, dead but with breathing

it is about you controlling your life and those around you controlling you

a crutch... or an excuse?

depression is extremely addictive and often enjoyable in a very unhealthy sense, help and release is a must but meds are not the way to go - they do not repair you or cure you, they will only kill you for a while so that the things happening around you can fade away - do you call this solving your problems?

depression is dangerous, not evil

antidepressants can be both

society seams to have this attitude - "drugs are bad... unless they make it easier for me to deal with you". all the doctors and psciatrists boast the wonders of antidepressants while 95% of all the victims of antidepressants I've talked to and heard from and read the writtings of say don't do them, that the side affects just aren't worth it.

I'm sending this though I doubt I've actually said anything new.
miss empathy Tried Paxil. Passed out. Can't be anxious if you're near passed out all the time.

Tried Zoloft. Never ate. Voices shut up. But I couldn't think straight.

Gave up. Fell in love. Now I'm better than any antidepressant could do for me. Having someone else care about me gave me a reason not to cut, starve, someone else who knew what I was up against. Showed me things aren't that bad.
/anon Paxil is mine

It hasn't done much yet though. Zoloft did nothing too. They are just as effective as placebos.
sixteen Zoloft has significantly changed my life, and trust wasnt because of the placebo effect. TRUST me. Some drugs work better for some people. Some don't do shit, and some are just plain WRONG for the user. Te only side effect I've encountered in the past 4 months of using Zoloft is my decreased sex drive. This isn't much of a problem, seeing as I'm a teenager and I was overly horny al the time before.

Zoloft has HELPED me balance my life. I used to be hellbent on destroying myself...I pushed people away or played games with friends, I was uncomfortable and awkward in many social situations.

Zoloft balanced out my mood swings..there are far fewer and milder. This as not in any way taken away from my personality. In the seven years of depression, yes I have learned about myself and become a more introspective person. Zoloft has not dulled this part of my being.

I have been more social and content than I ever have been before. I LIKE myself, and thats an amazing thing for me to be able to say. I still have problems, but I realize that I can get through them. I don't feel like killing myself just because I'm getting a bad grade or somebody looked at me funny. I am more at ease with myself and my emotions, and in no way am I "numb" to anything. I dont get upset very easily--but when its justified, I do.

I am who I SHOULD be and who I WAS before I was depressed. zolfot has been a great aid, and along with the will to get life has gotten wonderful.

so You have some sort of hatred for all antidepressants? well maybe tey arent for you, maybe you've tried te wrong ones. I'm sorry, but antidepressants havent made me a mindless zombie, and i am not weak for trying to find a way to be happy (yeah I wen for seven years searching for any other answer and nothing worked.)

so just don't be so biased and shut the fuck up. just because something doesnt work for you does not mean it doesn't work for somebody else.
minnesota_chris sounds like those antidepressants are really doing the trick! haha 030428
trixie kudos to that man....

also it seems so odd to me that a pill, medicine, can make your overall mood better. what if you life just sucks? here's an ad i'd like to see:

"Did your boyfriend leave you for a fat girl? Do you cry so much you never have to moisturize? Do you miss doing the things you used to do like being seen in daylight or bathing? Did you dad take away the Suburban privileges? The makers of zoloft have come out with a new cure... 'Sulk weekly XP'. Blathe weekly about how somehow the sun avoids you and your father thinks your ass is the coffeetable. Eventully you will become sick of your own misery and will find happiness, or at least the will to wear clothes. Thank you."
daxle try not being ignorant
try doing some research
look up this little thing called serotonin
and then try shutting up
sixteen ditto, daxle.

Pills aren't magical. I think you need to learn a little about your body.

p.s. a rant about antidepressants doing their job for me does not mean I am unhappy all the time. Zoloft has helped my life OVERALL. Doesn't magically cure me from making points I feel strongly about. Zoloft doesnt make me agree to things I don't believe are right, and it doesnt make me stop swearing.
trixie I didn't mean to upset you. I know that antidepressants can be very helpful. I am dealing with that in a big way because I have had to take painkillers for a long time due to an injury. So, going off them has been very hard because I have become physically dependent and my brain has not had to make as much seratonin as it needs to. So I am on an antidepressant because it not only restores my seratonin levels, it also eases chronic pain from a muscular injury. I am with you in thinking that they are helpful and I know a lot about them and the body after having been through quite an ordeal with my own body. Even though I understand how they work and the science behind it, the idea is still elusive to me because even if one's seratonin levels are balanced people still get depressed (although not to such a variable or intense degree) because a pill cannot change a bad family situation, the international crisis, or even how one understands and relates to the world in the big picture. I understand why people take them and I wasn't attacking you or anyone else who takes them. They are not bad and nothing to be ashamed of. 030429
/anon I know how they work. SSRI Selective Seritonin Reuptake Inhibitors. Its just when I dug a hole and it keeps getting deeper and I keep diging for some reason. I counter act the meds. It will work for some who have the will to let them work. 030429
/anon Trixie those pills give you a optimist approach to a bad life. It gives someone the will to get out. If not get out at least they would feel better about the situation instead of wallowing in their own sadness. 030429
trip doh fan The pills mean nothing with out the therapy 030429
/anon yep. that be true. There is the science and other parts we dont yet understand. But someday they will have a pill for those parts too.

But depressed people have no will or initiative to do anything. the pills give you back some of that. More energy.

But nothing can stop my laziness!
endless desire we shall see, eh? 031001
Flowers from Safeway Joining the ranks of the medicated are you? 031001
endless desire always.
i am anti depressed
and pro happiness.
but it's really not
working out for me
at the moment.
Death of a Rose depress me 031014
endless desire and now they've doubled it just for kicks.

"so how many do you have at home?"
"i think there's 12 left."
"well you'll be back in 3 weeks so you'll need. . .umm how many. . .?"
(in head. ok 2 X 7 X 3)
"err 42"
the nurse walks way while im talking
"jeezus this crap is going to be swimming through my body."
endless desire and you know the best part?
im not even sure what it DOES
a thimble in time They must be doing something, because the owners of pharmaceticals are very happy. 031020
Freak God do i need help! 031020
x here we go again
Death of a Rose god has been fired, freak, he wasn't living up to his end of the bargain.

chemical were hired in his stead.

make an ask_freak page and we'll see if we can provide the help you seek.
Freak there already is an ask_a_freak page 031021
endless desire so now im trying a new one.
lexapro didn't work,
so he doubled it and
now i feel worse than ever.
so he changed it
to effexor or something like that.
boy am i excited.
i've really given up hope on all of this stuff.
it's all impossible.
Rowbes These times are hard. I look back painfully at having umpteen different drugs thrust upon me.
"Gee, that one didn't work either. I know! Let's try these two at the same time!"

The side effects of some of those things are awful.

I eventually came to the conclusion that smiles don't come in a bottle. But that was after my doctor refused to see me for missing too many appointments. I was too depressed to go in. I kind of thought he of all people should be sympathetic to that.

St. John's Wort helps sometimes, but only if it's quality stuff with 3% hypericin. Eclectic Institute makes it good. Best part is NO SIDE EFFECTS.

If that doesn't work, I've run out of advice. That Sera Tonin, she's a bitch, isn't she?
blown cherry personally I have to say that I found the side effects worse than how I was before the antidepressants (effexor)came along. And I didn't like the whole not-knowing aspect of it, not knowing whether the feelings were coming from me or from the pills.
Sometimes I wonder if I might not have been treated better with different doses of hormones, it wouldn't have had the same effect as the SSRIs but seeing as I didn't like them, the hormones might at least have taken the edge of some of the worst times, but maybe that's just a girl thing, and a specific-girl thing at that.
endless desire i can't sleep anymore.
and my stomach always hurts.
i wonder why.
i wonder if it has to do with this junk
or if im just being weird.
at least i know im not happy.
Flowers from Safeway Some of those things can definately make you nauseous and cause stomach pain. Wellbutrin even causes gas.

So even if your mind is happy, your insides are achy and bloaty. Fun, huh?
Abbie Paxil and Effexor are addictive, and all SSRIs can make children and adolescents homicidal. See the Paxil blather for other fun facts on the bad shit antidepressants do to you and me. 040209
girl_jane Summer is mine...and it's oh so fucking far away. 040209
girl_jane Let's see if I can get through these thoughts without them... 040303
Eowithien I'm on Celexa. Its only been a week or so, I'm on half a pill, no side effects no nothing. I was kind of hoping for side effects, just to know what they feel like, but there are none.

This shit better do something. I'm feeling better, but I know its not the drugs.

I want to know what its like to feel used by them....
blown cherry I've been keeping the empty pill packet in my uni bag ever since I went off them, which must be like a year and a half now. I was keeping them there as a little reminder of darker days, just visible when every now and then I have to dig to the bottom of my bag to find something.
But I'm wondering now if I just can't let go.
emmi they didn't give me a choice anymore...
but i guess if this is what it takes for me to stay alive, i can't give myself a choice either. i want to live.
emmi after a sleepless night of hallucinations.....someone's grabbing my arm!! help...there's a smoke is coming up from under my door!!
...and being too scared to switch off my light...
after a few days of forgetting to eat due to total lack of appetite...
my belly still hurts...
daf see also: pitbull 050904
iNsEcUrE_GoTh_GiRl please
i really don't know what to do any more
kingsuperspecial pretty much summed up how i feel.

i don't know what to do.
fucking job prospects.

im ok today.
recently ive been so bad that i can't think outside of just remembering to breathe, the screaming inside is so overwhelming.
i can't think any more.
thinking about the past is a no-no and thinking about the future, that's a no-no too.
i can't think about the present because i have to live it, so as long as i keep thinking about breathing i can cope.

my brain is shutting itself down.

i've started cutting again.
after so many months not doing it.

i'm increasing the rate of my disordered_eating back into the full-blown eating disorder i just stopped.

sometimes i just can't get out of this deadness and the circle that my thoughts trace incessantly round the tiny space inside my skull.
sometimes i'm minding my own business just breathing away and


it's there
and the screaming won't stop.
i can't cry
i can't write
i can't breathe

can't breathe

need to get a grip
can't do that
back to apathy
apathy is safer than thinking
thinking starts it off again.

people trigger me
events trigger me
music triggers me
friends, food, television, magazines,
triggers me.

and the shitness goes round until im dizzy and praying for it to stop.
can't talk, sleep, eat, think,

my friends think im rude and unpleasant
because i will leave abruptly
because it all gets too much.
and all i want is the silence.

nobody seems to understand it.
they ask,
what's wrong?

if i try and explain, they say........
no, what's made you feel like this?

and i can't explain
the world makes me feel like this
or is it me?
am i broken

and they ask if i think i really need antidepressants
and i don't know what to do
so i stress out and isolate myself to stop inflicting it on other people
hiding in my room on my own in the dark.

even music doesn't stop the complete bleakness.
what should i do?

my therapist at the clinic asked me if i'd considered it
i have spent so long considering this
but i keep thinking......
what if i get worse than this?
there will be nothing to pull me back then
better save them till then
or what about the jobs.

i've heard so many opinions, ideas, experiences to advise me for and against
reading this page i've decided to take them
then thought god no when i read the next post.

then convinced again.

i need to decide.
but i'm not too bad right now.
so i'll leave it
until i'm slicing again
debating whether to cut that little bit deeper.

any advice?
kelc im on some for bipolar.. and now, i am watching a moth flying into the computer screen, and wondering if its getting tired.. 050904
emmi i think they give out SSRIs way too easily these days. especially considering that there is no way to predict how an individual will react to them. i went to hell and back. now i know what it feels like to be really and truly crazy. i am never taking an antidepressant again in my life. 050905
Pneuma_9000 I'm on Effoexor, Concerta, and Seroquel, and I still want to kill myself. I think the drugs have killed my artistic talent. I haven't drawn or written anything for two years (since I started the medication). I used to draw and write and CREATE. Now I'm depressed cause I can't remember what it was like to create things that nobody could create except me. I want to get off the medication but I'm afraid my psychiatrist will put me back in the psych ward. Damned pills don't work anyway though, I'm still depressed and now I'm dizzy and sick to my stomach all the time too. And I am trying to cry because I want to write a story, but I can't even do that. I just want to sleep all day and not talk to anybody anymore but I have to have a job and friends and that just makes me more angry so then I want to cut my wrists but I am scared of Oblivion so then I'll just go to the hospital and then everyone will be scared of me. My arms already too scarred up. I hate my family. I am losing my friends slowly no matter how I try to be. I think I am going to end up on the streets soon cause I can't hold down a job for any length of time. I get too angry and scare myself but I can't tell anybody. Stay away from anti-depressants. Psychiatrists are just throwing darts in the dark. I can't even make sense of my own thoughts anymore. I am contradicting myself. Blah blah blah. 060214
Some Of You Need To Get A Fucking Clue! Oh man, I just read somebody's crap after the fact and I have write this. Somebody said something like "crutch, or excuse?" How about this fuckwad? If you don't take your medications your doctor will throw you in the fucking psych ward you fucking retard. Like my psych had to throw me in the psych ward because I wanted to kill some people and I carved myself up pretty fucking bad and I needed stitches all over my arm. Gee, do you think you could fucking carve yourself up real bad because you feel like you need a fucking crutch so you could 'take it easy'?! Everyone who agrees with that line of thinking IS A FUCKING MORON LIKE TOM CRUISE. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU!!! Of course I still hate the fucking things because I still feel like shit. But either way I guess I'm agreeing with you in the end, right? But get a fucking clue anyways pal. Hmm, I could suddenly stop my medication but I'll just have to hope I don't go into a manic phase and decide I don't like my roommate and beat the living shit out of him with a lead pipe before pouring some gasoline over myself and lighting the match eh? Fucking morons! Oh, and withdrawal symptoms wouldn't cause me to go crazy, I've been crazy for a looong time before, approximately 5 years before I knew that depression is a disease, 5 years before I started taking medications. FUCKING MORONS! If you don't agree with medications (even antidepressants) and you don't have a serious mental disorder then shut the fuck up! 060215
we all need clues of various sorts ok sure. it's good you know that about you. but for some people the antidepressants make things worse. i.e. me. and possibly pneuma_9000 and many others. one friend of mine - stable person for a long time - became a thrower on SSRIs, she suddenly threw chairs, threw wine bottles, threw knives. problem. she quit and never has had no throwing fits for three years. is depression a mental "disorder"? as someone else here asked, "are there scenarios in which depression is the healthy response?" pills, sure, maybe they help. probably they also hurt. yin + yang, loosely ... hard to escape that in "even dimensionality" as same "other" person said. maybe it was me ha ha ha. maybe it was you. 060215
Some Of You Need To Get A Fucking Clue! Ooops, my bad partner, I was talking about depression and referring to my OTHER problems heeee! Ok, the definitive answer: I do believe that disthymia is a mental ILLNESS (I'm not sure about Major Depression, which I have, though I think that Major Depression is a mental DISORDER--I might be wrong). The other problem I got are definitely mental DISORDERS. Ok so, when I talk about antidepressants being used to treat depression, I don't mean that garden-variety blues, I am talking about DOING CRAZY SHIT TO YOURSELF and THINKING CRAZY SHIT that some people commenting on this word have no clue about! Ultimately chemicals rule how we feel. People who don't have these problems control these chemicals (albeit in a sub-sub-sub-conscious manner--external circumstances can yet dictate the reactions that cause emotion, etc). But people like me (of there are people like me, I doubt it), trust me, we're fucking loony, and I feel some of you have no right to generalize and say 'anti-depressants/psycho-tropic medications are no good and everybody just needs to take some vitamin supplements and get more excercise and sunrays', because you would be wayyyy wrong. DEAD wrong. You are commenting on a subjective experience that you have NO FUCKING CLUE ABOUT, like wanting to burn and slice. That is madness, and some of you who are commenting here have no clue about that, you have to dance around with words and say 'you just want attention,' and 'you're wallowing in your own shit,' and 'you just want an excuse for other people to work harder for you so you can take it easy,' and 'everybpdy gets depressed, what's up with you needing pills.' THAT IS IGNORANCE. Because I am fucking insane sometimes and have no control over my thoughts or feeling or actions, and if I weren't taking medications I would be very dangerous, even deadly. 060215
pneuma_9000 Feeling a bit better now. Got some of that despair outta my system. It will be back later, though. Just wanted to say that I kinda agree with the crazy dude. You need to be on medications. I don't mean that in a condescending or offensive way, but you know you need them and you obviously need them. Yah, some guys here are talking outta they're asses completely. Maybe they have dysthamia and are trying to talk about more serious forms of depression, and I got major depression too, which is more serious than some of you could probably imagintion, some of you can though cause you have it too maybe. In my case it borders on cognitive distortions/soft psychotic symptoms. Those aspects are quite troublesome, but in my case, I would rather be able to express certain facets of my personality that I feel (though I might even be wrong) are being dampened my the medications, even if I have to risk the soft psychotic symptoms. Frankly, it's about unconditionally accepting all points of view. When I read this blog and accepted every view here, I found that the views that are against anti-deprssants, were they being implemented practically in the world, some people would definitely be suffering. Therefore, I am wholeheartedly againts those views. Some of you will try and argue that the anti-depressants are causing more suffering than if the person were not taking them. My answer is then: don't take them. Simple, even though nothing is simple not even this subject. 060215
pneuma_9000 I kinda contradicted myself there when I said accept all view and then said I am against the views against anti-depressants. What I mean is consider all the views and be aware that there was a person who wrote that who was being sincere in expressing that view. 060215
pneuma_9000 I kinda contradicted myself there when I said accept all views and then said I am against the opinions against anti-depressants. What I mean is consider all the input and be aware that there was a person who wrote those words who was being sincere in expressing information about themselves in relation to this blog. 060215
I'm probably wrong about a lot of this but...

I've been dealing with my "problems" for about 6 years now. Yeah, I think about crazy shit all the fucking time. Stuff that would probably disturb you. Stuff that disturbs me. Sometimes I have fucking breakdowns where I just have to clinch myself together as hard I can and rock back and forth until it goes away. Yes I believe I am fucked up. No I am not comfortable talking about it. No I don't go out of my way to make people believe me. Yes I am fine right now, but that will probably change fairly soon. I stopped cutting myself about a year ago and haven't really looked back. It's mainly just because someone took all my knives, and it's a pain in the ass to run, walk, and pretty much move when you have cuts all over your body. I really just follow a simple philosophy these days that keeps me from fucking up too bad. I basically just tell myself "you're an idiot" every time I get a fucked up, suicidal, or destructive thought in my head. Recognizing that you are being an idiot is one of the first steps to overcoming your problems. Admitting you have an actual problem is, in my opinion, a big mistake. I just tell myself I'm being stupid, and I go on living my life. It just keeps me from not fucking something up. Try it, you might like it.

Well... then there are those really bad nights when i could really, really, really


use some antidepressants
poop scoop oh you've got a chance card!

"go skydiving, snowboarding or surfing, it's quicker recovery and much more fun. avoid wizard drugs or alco-pops, get back to your roots and feel fucking alive again, the world has fucked with you."

games are real you know, unless you want to sit at home all day in the dark playing Nintendo for the rest of your life.
unhinged chemical_happiness 071211
p! every day i avoid the idea, every day i wonder if i should. i like being emotionally tossed around, without an impetus, cause, trigger, etc. i hate it. feeling this way stops my progress. no, it is who i am. no, i need to see a doctor. but i'm sure i'll reason my way out of that as well.


coming from someone who refuses help. someone who conquers enemy presence until the battlefield is bloodied. except i'm barely standing and wondering if this route was ever worth it. coming from someone who understands that antidepressants aren't meant to change you, but enhance you. why cling to the idea of being static and not improving? i think i fear the idea of permanently losing emotion. feeling is living, with or without suffering. maybe i don't understand anything. maybe i'm content riding the roller coaster of emotions chucked at me on a whim. but what if there's another roller coaster to enjoy at a stable, tearless, more cerebral pace?

is that how it really is? help.
what's it to you?
who go