anorgasmia
jane this is the delay or absence of sexual climax (orgasm). it can be caused by sexual inhibition, inexperience, lack of knowledge and psychological factors such as guilt, anxiety, or a past sexual trauma or abuse. other factors contributing to anorgasmia include insufficient stimulation, certain medications, and chronic diseases.
[webmd.com]

sigh
040927
...
jane 46 violations.

46 ways to please your lover,

46 nights usually involving alcohol and
a desire to surrender to an
inadvertent lack of self esteem.

46 men coming, some pulling out, some staying in, some protected, some careless and vulnerable.

46 oppurtunities to quake with emotion and pleasure, to work my own goods, to give no thought to
them and all to myself.

46 nights found useless. sometimes hope would show its little face, sometimes i'd feel an accumulation
in my belly, sometimes my toes would curl. but then it would plateau itself, and i would never hear from it again.

three days before the eruption, insomnia caught me in a net of frustration. i turned to voyeurism and found myself anew, something different, knowing it was, knowing this night would save me.

and it happened.

46 violations negated by one night and two hands. i shook and i screamed, and i thought, this is it, enjoy. you'll never be able to do this again.

three days later, i find myself kissing a scent i had quit, hand-rolled tobacco caught in facial whiskers. i breathed in through my mouth and out through my nose and thought, this better be worth it.

and i waited.

patiently i waited, and i felt the same surging i had felt three nights prior, and i felt the wave and i felt my palms sweat. i pulled at my hair and i breathed and i trembled under a strangers breath.

you know what they say, 46th timeís a charm.
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