a_masterpiece_you_can_help_create
Mateo This is the idea: A story, or whatever it turns out to be, with a diferent line by everyone.

Here goes mine: I put out my cigarette on his elbow, he didnt wake up so I beat him in the head with an encyclopedia.
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Toxic_Kisses I wanted him to -feel- all the pain of all the things he dident know 020224
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carne de metal as I swang the book I say: get up! get up! you lazy fuck! Don't make get the leeches. Have a coffee. 020224
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A close personal friend who just called you Editorial note: Carne de metal missed a me between make and get. 020224
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reitoei Still he slept. The morning was cool with a hint of winter. There was nothing to be done, no magic ritual would rose him. 020224
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blueberry and this is a masterpiece? maybe
but I never knew
life was
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bethany so i opened the window, pulled back the covers, and curled up to watch him. his chest always rose when i watched him like this, his skin tan and salmon and gold. i hated mine coz it wasn't as blue as his. i stayed there for.. 020224
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Judas about two hours. Then I got up and decided that this story needed a plot, so I made up a past for him: He was an ex con who served five years for "accidently" dropping a hammer on his mothers head on sixteen different ocasions with a deadly outcome. I am his parole officer, who is in love with britney Spears (the killers cousin). 020224
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User24 then I ate some pie. 020226
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silentbob and masturbated until i was bloody 020226
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distorted tendencies I had a fist full of my blood in my hand and spattered across his lips. 020227
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Toxic_Kisses mean while, elec ware... 020227
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User24 .. I ate some more pie

(see a pattern emegering?)
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Toxic_Kisses Than decided to leave cuz daylight was calling me and I couldent stand being cooped up in Ruperts (every one called him Ru for short) tiny apartment and besides that it didn’t look as though he was ever going to wake up 020228
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Mateo Then I ate some pie. 020228
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Annoyed TK And after eating so much pie I got worried over my weight and decided to go by the Gym to exercise it along w/ all my problems away, lord knows eating only seems to magnify them 020228
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pralines&cream so after all that exercising and freaking out over my fat fat body, I got nice and thin and tan and I met a cute boy (am I a boy or a girl? i forgot ...well, either way, i met a cute boy) and we started going out. And I got lots of friends, and people thought I was cool, and started thinking that everything I said was really important and funny. Everyone loved to be around me. All because I excersized my ugliness away. 020301
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pralines&cream by the way, i am a girl ... and despite my infatuation with Britney Spears, I am not a lesbian. Girls can be parole officers and masturbate until they're bloody, too. 020301
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Mateo And Im on my period, thats the reason for all the blood. 020301
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unpublished lyric machine all my artistic attempts
fall flat
just like me
want a piece?
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pralines&cream em ... yeah ... so about this guy, Rupert ... I decided that I wanted to kill him with my handy-dandy-never-leave-home-without-it pepper spray. So I sprayed him because I had nowhere else to stay but Rupert's house, and his nonstop snoring was annoying, and my boyfriend was jealous of him anyway.

But the pepper spray did not kill him.
It only made him mad.
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Mateo He gt up and killed me, I am telling this from heaven (its not all that, but its not bad either). Up here we have... 020303
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Toxic_Kisses *L* you believed me didn’t you? Heaven smevin, HA! Yes their is an after life, unfortunately I wasn’t good enough to go to heaven, nor bad enough to go to hell, so instead I'm stuck in limbo on earth, well actually stuck isn’t quite the right word, it's really not too bad, granted it could be better but you won't here me complaining (too much anyway) after all seeing az how I died young I still pretty much look the same, and I can travel to all the places that I always wanted to yet never had the money to, now, money? HA! No prob, you know I feel like going to London to watch a foreign film today 020305
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phil plus they have these great malls in limbo where you can by other people's butts. 020307
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Beata mmmm pie 020311
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Photophobe See, limbos not really that bad. Not that good either. They have this pie here which doesn't make you gain ANY weight. The pie in heaven actually makes you LOSE weght though. And the pie in hell... Well I guess that actually just regular pie. 020312
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Mateo I met Elvis, he's out of hell on parole. 020312
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Photophobe He's got this great plan to get us out of here, mostly consisting of me overpowering the guards while he distracts them with a rendition of "You know you're always on my mind".

Pity they're 20 foot high efreeti. Elvis is sure it'll work though.
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phil So most of us were willing to go along with it, all of us except ghandi who was in fact a figment of one of the guards imagination most of the guards had some irrational concept about throwing salt. Since ghandi had taken no notice of the mob of us, actually just the two of us, sneaking up behind them with ladders in our waistbands, they were mostly paying attention to him throwing salt, repetitively.

We decided it would be easier to leave.
YES, there was a door, in limbo.
Monkeys began to poor in uncontrollably.
In a flash of burnt salt Ghandi disappeared.
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silent storm our life together 020810
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eddie monster we skipped threw the burning ring of fire and freed our selves, but i still feel like a prisoner. got to see if he's still allright. last i seen he was lying on the bed, turning_pale_blue. 020816
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eddie mobs of evil midgets with tails surrounded us and started playing fiddles.
the monkeys all ran in fear of the little bastards.
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eddie monster come on fuckheads 021124
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Dr. Blather "come on fuckheads"? "That's not the type of thing you'd hear in limbo", I thought to myself as I slowly regained consciousness... I felt a strange sensation as light poored into my eyes. I woke up to find myself in a dirty alley... in some big city, although I had no idea which city.

Then it all came back to me... The fight at the bar... The blow to the back of my head... That encyclopedia salesman with salt on his tie.

I had so much trash piled on top of my body it seemed a part of my wardrobe.

"How long have I been here? And more importantly, Who am I?"

My arm ached with a strange sensation... I looked to see infected trackmarks up and down my left fore arm. I don't shoot heroin. What could have happened to me?

I looked over to see a few rust covered needles on a paper bag.

I vomited...
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girlnamedlover and the most beautiful girl I had ever seen walked up and stooped over me.

"barf bag?"
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Dafremen "No thanks", I replied, thinking that perhaps I should replace the contents of my stomach (which were now lying all over the floor, and this beautiful girl's feet) with something else. "Got any pie?", I asked.

"Sure", she replied,"Huckleberry, kidney or mincedmeat?"

I dry-heaved this time.

Good thing too, because
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ncon as i purged, i noticed just how perfect the stars were tonight, they seemed shinyer than i had ever seen and i became inspired enough to sing my favorite song- 021124
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Photophobe "You were always on my mind..." blared Elvis's voice out of the pub jukebox just as I was about to sing. Why that good for nothing, low down...

"I love this song. It always puts me in the mood for romance," said my companion. A little light went off in my head.
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Photophobe erm... "pub jukebox" should read "nearby dirty alley stero system" 021125
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User24 and then I gave him some pie. 030502
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phil he started to pick at it 030502
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mo and i got angry at him "you can't just pick at pie! you have to scoop up big bites with your fork and eat it as fast as you can and lick the plate when you are done!" i am very serious about pie... 030503
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pobodys nerfect "Well what's wrong with trying to pick off the crust first?! Nobody ever eats that! Besides, I've had alot of stuff on my mind lately..." 030503
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ferret so i said, i eat the crust, it's the best part. besides, if you don't eat the crust, i'll kill you. 030503
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x as he bit into the pie, he asked "what kinda pie IS this, anyway?"
I said "it was gonna be lemon merengue"

"but?"

"but i used all the lemons in martinis"

"so now it's...?"

"cornstarch.... i don't eat eggs either so i couldn't make the merengue"

somewhere in the distance my mother screamed "there's no butter in the crust then, is THERE?!"
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pobodys nerfect But even that didn't make him eat it. In fact, what he did next amazed me. I honestly didn't know whether to laugh or freak out over what he was doing. Upon hearing me say "I'll kill you", he grabbed his fork, jumped up and started dancing around like one of the gang members in the Weird Al Yankovic video for "Eat it".
I would've fell over laughing if it weren't for the serious look on his face (and the fork in his hand). I was awestruck over his refusal to just eat the damn pie.
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pobodys nerfect **sorry x, I didn't see your post before I submitted my reply :/ 030504
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mo after the initial trauma of witnessing this...i started to reconsider my own pie-eating. had it gone too far? 030504
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phil I went home to shave my legs 030505
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phil and think... 030505
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pobodys nerfect As I sat down to think, I realised that I did my best thinking while eating pie, so I went to go grab a piece.

After eating the pie and licking the plate (of course!), I struck me what a strong force it was in my life. Ever since I could remember, it had always been there for me--blueberry, cherry, apple--sure the flavours changed, but delicious fruity filling and the goldeny flaky crust were always the same. Ah,perfection!

As the night went on, more and more suppressed memories of my beloved pie came to light. And finally, after hours sitting alone in the now darkened room, my first experience of pie came forth from the darkened shadows of my mind....
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jane i was a young child...my mother was very fond of making pie.
but she would never let me have any because she said it would make me fat and that would give me an inferiority complex.
so one day she put a pie on the windowsill to cool off.
i remember the smell of the pie...it was blackberry.
i saw a really big bird come and scoop the whole pie off the windowsill...i tried to grab the pie but it was too late.
i ran out the back door and realized i was going to be running after this bird for a long time...
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mo so i went back inside to get my convers all stars in hopes that they would help me reach the bird and pie faster. When i came back outside, however... 030506
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pobodys nerfect I saw that my mad dash for the shoes had been in vain. As I stood in
the middle of the yard turning around in a circle trying to get a glimpse of the bird, something caught my eye as it shimmered high atop the neighbours oak tree. Could it be? Yes! There was the metal pie pan and beside it stood the massive bird.

He hadn't yet eaten the pie. His eyes locked with mine and then he let out a series of caw cackles. There was no doubt in my mind he was laughing at me. And after a few moments of this,he would do the unthinkable. Stepping over to the pie,he tore into it like some sort of savage,ripping out huge chunks and swallowing them in big gulps. I watched this in horror, as I let out a blood curdelling "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!".

But the bird only continued. My hands tightened into fists as an unthinkable rage began to wash over me. I ran towards him. He'd destroyed my pie,and I wanted revenge. As I began the task of climbing the tall tree,I was unaware in my anger of the trap he was setting for me. The trap I would willingly allow myself to fall into.

When I reached nearer to the branch he was on, he didn't fly away. He just sat there,his beady eyes carefully following my every move. My eyes darted in the direction of the pie pan. I quickly looked away in disgust from the remnants of what were once a part of a beloved pie,and felt again the hatred inside me. And then,as all rational thought left me,I lunged for the bird's neck.

As he swooped himself up into the air with another one of those damn
cackles,I had no time to react to the bare,branchless area he left
behind him. I fell through the air, seemingly in slow motion,the wind gently caressing my face all the way down. When my body finally
did made contact with the ground, I heard the unmistakable sound that
only broken bones can make.

To further add insult to my injuries, the pie pan then made it's own
journey through the sky and landed on my nose,just hard enough to break
it. I looked over to where it had once been in the tree. And there,perched on the branch was the bird. I fainted.
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pobody **test to see my entry** 030507
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relief because it posted :) 030507
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mo it was dark outside when i finally woke up--groggily at first. Then the pain hit me and i was all the way awake. i woudl have screamed..if it hadnt been for all my broken ribs.

Then it started to rain. nice warm,fat rain that almost seemed to numb my pain. It rained to long the valley the tree and i were in started to flood. i was raised off the hard ground as the water rose up higher and higher...and floated away.
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mo it was dark outside when i finally woke up--groggily at first. Then the pain hit me and i was all the way awake. i woudl have screamed..if it hadnt been for all my broken ribs.

Then it started to rain. nice warm,fat rain that almost seemed to numb my pain. It rained for hours. the valley the tree and i were in started to flood. i was raised off the hard ground as the water rose up higher and higher...and floated away.
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dB tactile reptile it's official. 030509
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dB the above is a ramom line (tm)


Random line created by alcohol inc. all rights protected.

Believe it or not it's official.

so get real.

and that's an order.
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mo after flaoting lazily for a while i felt the water begin to move faster...i looked at ahead and almost had a heart attack...a water fall!
to my even grater astonishment, the big bird from before came out of knowhere and grabed me with his giant feet...rescuing my from certain death at the bottom of the 1000 foot waterfall.
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pobodys nerfect ..but once again, he only came back to torment me. As soon as he had dropped me beside the water, he began to peck at me! Fortunately, a group of river rafters saw this and were able to shoo the bird away with their oars. I'm sure they saved my life that day. When they got me to the nearest phone,my parents were called, and I was home by dinnertime. Unbeknownst to me, my mother had baked a second pie during my horrific ordeal and she felt so guilty about the length I'd gone to to save the first pie that she let me eat the whole thing myself.

And THERE was the reason that I began eating every single pie in sight from then on. And why I didn't visit bird sanctuaries...or watch that creepy Alfred Hitchcock movie..

I realised that forcing that poor man earlier today to eat the pie was just my way of trying to finally SHARE a pie with someone--a way to release myself from the chains that the pie gluttony had bound me to for so long. I was finally on the right track! Yes!! I felt so good that I got up from the chair and ALMOST went to the fridge for more pie to celebrate, but then I stopped myself. Instead,I grabbed an apple, and decided to get the dog and go for a walk...
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mo my dog's name is Key Lime. he is my best, my ONLY friend...now that rupert is out of the picture. 030510
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smurfus rex That is, until I met this guy Angus in the park, who was also walking his dogs, Pumpkin and Pecan. He likes pie too, and coincidentally, ALSO dropped a hammer accidentally repeatedly on someone. We have SO much in common! 030510
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mo then i remembered that it was rupert, not me who had killed his mother with a hammer. thinking of ru just made me angry...i needed a distraction.

would you like some pie angus?
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User24 he refused, saying that once you start eating pie, you just can't stop 030629
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/anon I told him that without pie what is there to live for and he replied that it is not the pysical pie, but the pie on the inside that counts. "the pie on the inside¿" i said "yes the true meaning of pie is not as a food but as the true meaning of spirituality and when you relize this you will know the true meaning of life because pie is life in its purist form." and with that a bright light came down from the heavens and angus began to fade. "remember all i have told you and that every time a pie is eaten an angel gets its wings." 030630
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/anon THE END? 030630
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karl the weed and then i said "ah, but remember, there is no pie." 030630
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karl the weed then i took a bite of the pie that i had in my pocket. "the matrix is telling my brain that this pie is yummy, and... pie-y, and that the crust is flaky and scrumptious, but you know what i realize after a lifetime of pie? allple pie gets old, but pumpkin pie, seeing as its usually pumpkin flavored, is nasty, because pumkins taste really nasty." 030630
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ferret no my friend, pumpkins taste somewhat like..... POTATOES!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hey user24, can you edit other people's posts? if you can, can you get me the word potatoes all big and black like you did with the "karl" on karl's page? thnx!) 030630
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screwing for virginity pie is mentioned a total of 59 times in this blath (excluding this sentence) 030813
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