a_faceless_personality_in_cyberspace
gull i’m pretty useless in the real world.
i mess things up and i make
the people around me mess up.

see, i have this wall. it's quite high.
i built it to try and isolate myself
from those who could hurt me.
i feel safe behind it,
but lonely and indifferent.
the few people i let in
nearly always end up hurting me.
maybe i make them want to hurt me.

that’s life in the real world.
in cyberspace, it’s very different.

they don’t call it thenetfor nothing.
you see, it’s a safety net.
you can’t fall as far when you‘re online,
because the net catches you,
so you don’t get hurt.
at least, you don’t get hurt quite as much
as you do when you fall in the real world.

that's what i think, anyway.

so i’ve decided that i’m better as
a faceless personality in cyberspace.
020516
...
TK I compleatly relate 020516
...
kerry yes
i would rather be a fuzzy idea amongst the URLs
than hurt by people who can't even see my face
020516
...
unhinged the more people from blather i meet, the more these things make sense 020516
...
god hey, thanks a lot, nic. 020518
...
misstree the internest serves raw soulflesh,
but the meat is left behind.
020519
...
gull even face-to-face, it wasn't quite you.
you weren't the friend i thought i knew.

you were almost a complete stranger to me,
even more so than i expected you'd be.

because suddenly you were a person, not an id,
and your person just wasn't what i wanted it to be.

i faced your many moods and moments online,
and i thought i could cope with them just fine.

but i couldn't. i can't. we instantly clashed
and in that moment, all my hopes were dashed.

it was never going to work, but, believe me, i tried.
my emotions were set, they had no where to hide.

i know you probably think i wanted it to fail -
that i master-minded the rows, so things would turn stale

because then i'd have had an excuse to run away.
but that's rubbish. you know that i wanted to stay.

you left me, remember that. don't ever forget.
and when you think hard, maybe you'll regret

pushing me away because you were hurting inside.
you didn't seem to care what your words did to my pride.

you let me return to nothing. you couldn't even scribble a note.
you just let the nothingness ram its fist down my throat.

i made sacrifices so that i could be with you.
why would i, if i'd never intended seeing it through?

sacrifices. all those little things that you never appreciated,
and when i brought them up, you made me feel so hated.

all that mattered was you and how you were feeling.
never mind me, clenching my fists, sighing at the ceiling.

it was never going to work, so we quit before we went mad.
and i'll be honest with you, now that i'm home, i really am glad

because it wasn't much fun, being snapped at every day;
arguing, shouting, trying to scream the tension away.

and if you're honest, you'll admit you felt the same
and you'll hold up your hands and take some blame.

because it takes two to argue and two to fight,
and two so stubborn always think that they're right.

i know that you liked me when i donned my mask,
but liking the real me was too great a task.

that's why it didn't work, that's why we're apart -
because it's your id, not you, that's in my heart.
020519
...
gull it’s harsh, but don’t pretend that you don’t feel the same. the feeling is more than mutual. 020519
...
freakizh i remember when i met this guy in mirc, a couple of years ago.
we chatted, we turned into friends, i was awfully acquainted to the red letters he transmitted through the screen.

the funny thing was that, when there was an internet connection failure, and he disappear from my sight, there was no small particle of his presence around me that made me think he had any difference with an automatic replier machine or a robot.
020519
...
gull such a long time has passed, yet i still think about you and long to tell you that i hope you're ok 021214
...
Strideo cyber
.
021215
...
p2 i may be faceless
but
i don't have
much of a personality
either
021215
what's it to you?
who go
blather
from