jennifer strange how the moment you think
you might have things figured out,
maybe not entirely, but somewhat,
the moment you think everything
might actually be okay, without
warning your floor just drops out
from underneath you, and you are
left hanging, clinging to whatever is
in your reach, wondering how to pull
yourself back up, who will come
along to save you. and of course
you realize, there is no one who can
hold your hand and pull you back to
shore, no one who can fix everything
for you and make it all okay, that
you have to do it yourself. only you.

of course i know all of these things,
but it doesn't stop me from standing
here, motionless, looking around as
if i'm lost on some unfamiliar street
in the city, my ride having left long
ago without me. looking around,
frantic, but unable to move. girl
stand still. and i keep looking for
you hiding in the shadows, looking
and aching and needing and
wanting. wanting you to suddenly
appear and help me up again, help
me find my way to the other side of
the street. because my feet seem
glued to the pavement. like one of
those dreams where you are trying
desperately to run and everything
moves in slow motion, your legs only
ache, unable to move, and whatever
or whomever is chasing after you
just keeps closing in.

i'm reaching for you but it is never
close to being enough. i lie in bed
and my thoughts cry out to you,
trying to find you somewhere in the
night, trying to float away from me
to you. can't you hear me? don't you
see me? i'm riding this wave that
seems like it will never stop. and i
don't want it to.

i want to fly across the sky to you,
so when you find yourself sitting in
your garden with the rain soaking
through your skin, i will fall down with
it, fall down and into you.

today was a day of reality checks.
yet again. today was a day of anger
and sadness and losing true. today
was a day of hope and some
achingly happy tears. some things
just don't need to be said. i think
you already know.

. . 010524
. 4 yrs. ago 050509
what's it to you?
who go